How The West Was 1010001

Professor:News! Bad! We're bankrupt. Oh, I borrowed money to invest in Bitcoin. Then the price crashed, and I sold at a huge loss. We're ruined! Oh, sorry. I didn't realize you were watching TV.

News Anchor · Morbo:The tragic impact destroyed the planet Klarg, along with its 50 billion inhabitants. In other news, Morbo, guess what's back? The planet Klarg? Nope! The price of Bitcoin!

Hermes · Professor:Haven't you learned that Bitcoin is just a pyramid scheme for rubes? Yes, and my plan is to exploit those rubes!

Morbo:Uh, wha?!

Robot Mafia:Yo. We're also leg brokers.

Leela:It's a good thing we brought the oxen. Usually, we don't.

Fry:You know, 'round these parts, folks don't think things. They reckon them. And instead of an idiot, I'll be known as a galoot!

Dwight's Father · Dwight:Well, anyway, I'm really looking forward to some quality father-son time. With who?

Fry · Professor · Amy:Um, is this thallium? Oh my, yes! High-grade ore! Um, Professor? Toxic. Relax. They're my prospecting teeth.

Town Greeter:Welcome to Doge City! Looks like you got seven hornswogglers and a galoot!

Fry · Delilah:Your freest beverage. We're very poor. Gotcha. I'll just mix all the unfinished drinks together and start a tab.

Zoidberg:At times, yes. Though her mood fluctuates like the price of Bitcoin.

Fry · Delilah:Ill? You mean a hospital? A pet store? A brothel. A soup kitchen?! Yeah. A soup kitchen.

Roberto:Out here in the West, I need something shootier. Like this gun-knife I invented-stole!

Fry:Um, I'm not sure Leela has the skills to be a barmaid.

Auctioneer:This burro is in near-mint condition. Perfect for hauling Bitcoin, light housework, or just abusing.

Bender · Amy:Fifteen! I always wanted to own a racehorse. That's a donkey, Bender. Donkeys are just ugly horses, Amy.

Dwight:It looks stupid. This whole trip is stupid. You're stupid, Pops!

Dwight · Father:I wish Roberto were my dad. He's cooler than a green snake smoking a sugar cane vape. No self-respecting green snake would do that!

Assayer:Tooth test? Balderweeds.

Bender · Assayer:But weed a million times that amount or we're gonna get clamped! Well, maybe there's some thallium in that there chassis of yours.

Bender:Assay my shiny metal ass!

Assayer · Bender:0.0000... Tain't even worth melting down. Well then, perhaps my ass might be of value to you in some other way?

Assayer:Eh, it might make a good frying pan, but fried food makes me cackle.

Assayer:My motto is, 'He who smelts it, dealts it!'

Assayer:Ooh, lookie there! Found another Bitcoin! Aw, dog dumplings. It's just a danged Ethereum.

Roberto · Doctor · Zoidberg:What's with the jumbo prawn? A colleague. Mind if he sits in? Yes, I do mind! I value doctor-patient confidentiality!

Leela · Fry:I only got 30 cents in tips and one request to visit the back room. I mean, I wouldn't go, but it's nice to be asked. Can you think of anything I can do to look sluttier? Nope.

Leela:You know he's not actually a hero like in his books, right? He's a poker cheat and a low-down base mineral.

Borax Kid · Fry:Well, then how about a hand of Colorado Chump? As long as it's not poker.

Borax Kid:Mumbles, go see what all that fuss is about. And wear my signature hat.

Doctor:Mumbles is dead! Don't argue with me, Mumbles. I'm the town doctor.

Fry · Borax Kid:Really? Do I get to die in your next book? Page three. Then you got yourself a galoot.

Dwight · Father:Can I sleep in the library? I'd like to say yes, but then it wouldn't be private.

Dwight:This place has too much outdoors! It's all bugs and no Wi-Fi.

Father · Dwight · Bender:Limbo stupid? Where did I go wrong? Probably when you took up limbo. From what I'm hearing, it's stupid.

Bender:Oh, you said shovels? I thought you said take a break and do nothing.

Bender:Sometimes, I think a detachable ass is more a curse than a blessing.

Bender · Rusty:Musical number: Bender and his ass sing cowboy song with extensive ass puns

Bender:Oh, why didn't I listen to my own song?!

Delilah:This is a nice, quiet saloon with attached bordello.

Dwight:Folks call me Amarillo Dwight. On account of I wrote a geography report on it. Done got me a 'A.'

Dwight:Why not? They using Apple Maps?

Dwight:But, won't that be, like, murder? 'Cause colleges look at stuff like that.

Roberto:Guess you ain't as cute as I thought.

Roberto:Guess you ain't as cute as I thought.

Leela · Fry:I think it's actually a cougar. Puma, cougar, whatever! Get him, Kid! Or a mountain lion. You know, they're really all the same animal.

Borax Kid:It seems I bravely shot that catamount just in time after Fry missed.

Professor:There's barely any thallium! Just worthless gold.

Zoidberg:I mean his butt ass.

Bender:I steal it. I steal it not. I steal it...

Roberto:And the daisy, too. I gotta know how it comes out!

Fry · Leela:Come on! He's picked up Bender's scent! His what now?

Bender:This is the worst brothel I've ever seen.

Amy:That's actually a pretty reasonable use case for robot heads.

Delilah:I'm not your friend. Though, I do like you a lot.

Delilah:I'm not your friend. Though, I do like you a lot.

Fry · Delilah · Everyone:Mining Bitcoin with kidnapped robot heads? It's pure evil! Hardly. I donate all the proceeds to a local orphanage. Aw...

Delilah · Everyone:But I can't let you tell anyone about my generous scheme, so I'll have to seal you in this comfortably air-conditioned warehouse. Forever! But I'll drop by every day with snacks. Aw...

Bender:Any number you can think of, there's a number bigger than that!

Bender:I deserved that.

Fry · Borax Kid · Leela:What?! Well, now, there's nothing illegal about that. Those old stories are public domain. I change up a few words and claim the copyright for myself. Ya ever heard of Cinderella? That is so evil!

Father:I'm too scared! There's bullets in every dimension!

Dwight:Hang on! I'm limboing in!

Roberto:Can't we all just agree to use knives?

Leela:I've never been so offended yet slightly flattered!

Dwight:I love you, Pops. And limbo is not entirely stupid.

Bender:If we ever get outta here, I'm gonna give this brothel a really bad Yelp review.