The Route Of All Evil

Fry:Ah, beer. So many choices. And it makes so little difference.

Fry:How about Lobrau? It has dots on it.

Bender:Overruled! The choice of champions is Pabst Blue Robot.

Fry:I can't drink that. The metal shavings make my throat bloody.

Bender:Baby wants a Zima.

Leela:The kids at the orphanarium used to do it all the time.

Professor Farnsworth:Cursed bacteria of Liberia! My own son, suspended from boarding school.

Professor Farnsworth:I cloned you from one of my warts, and I can send you straight back there.

Amy:What's going on? Is this angry yelling, or busted-hearing-aid yelling?

Leela · Professor Farnsworth:I'm afraid it's both. - What?

Hermes:Everyone cool your daiquiris.

Dwight · Cubert · Dwight:It must be hungry. - Black holes don't need food. - Neither do nerds.

Student:My Manwich!

Teacher:You've compressed our lunches to a singularity... for the last time.

Dwight:When I re-solidify, I'm gonna put you in a world of goop.

Hermes:I warned you not to use those things!

Dwight:Well, well, if it isn't my old friends, Stretch Pants, No Pants... and Idiot.

Bender:We're making beer. I'm the brewery.

Dwight · Fry:I heard alcohol makes you stupid. - No, I'm... Doesn't.

Leela:Alcohol is very, very bad. For children. But once you turn 21... it becomes very, very good.

Professor Farnsworth:A device that lets anyone sound exactly like me.

Cubert:Good news, everyone. I'm a horse's butt.

Professor Farnsworth:I am? That's not good news at all, you little...

Professor Farnsworth:There is no target consumer. Only targets.

Professor Farnsworth:Targets that will tremble in fear as their new masters hand down edicts... in my glorious, booming voice!

Dwight:Wow! A power stamper.

Hermes:Now look at all the work I gotta do!

Bender:Yeast? You mean I'll have a life form growing inside me?

Bender:It's so beautiful.

Cubert (using voice device):You must deliver a pizza to Dog Doo 8... a planet at the edge of the universe. Sorry I can't come to say goodbye, but I'm busy inventing useless junk.

Cubert (using voice device):And I smell bad.

Amy:When he got home from the Senate.

Leela:The address was on Dog Doo 8. But the universe ends right after Dog Doo 7.

Bender:Lies! Lies and slander! Accusing gentle Bender of a misdeed? That's the last straw!

Hermes:Get a job, you lazy kids.

Professor Farnsworth:I guess if you want children beaten, you have to do it yourself.

Hermes:Perhaps they've constructed a teddy bear hospital.

Bender:Who's going to use a delivery service with a kicked sign?

Leela:So your delivery company is just a cute, harmless paper route.

Professor Farnsworth:What if a paper were to land in a puddle? Civilization as we know it might get splashed.

Cubert:We're practically old enough to find the Fox Network infantile.

Cubert:Voilà! You got a quarter?

Dwight:Man! The ad said to allow four to six seconds for delivery. More like seven.

Bender:I'm really starting to swell up with beer. I must look ridiculous.

Leela:No. You have a healthy glow.

Bender:I was thinking Benderbrau if it's an ale... Botwiser if it's a lager. I hope it's a lager. I can take it to a ball game.

Cubert · Dwight:There's a crack in the hull here. That could cause explosive decompression. Put a sticker on it.

Hermes:Remember we used to call you that, huh? Tinkler.

Professor Farnsworth:Only the Sunday edition can do's that.

Professor Farnsworth · Cubert:That's a big number, 50. - Yeah. If you're an idiot.

Cubert:Take evasive action! It's closing in. You can't avoid it. It's a cheek-seeker.

Hermes:Business is down, so I filed papers to have you all reclassified as slaves.

Bender:Need some penny rolls for your profits?

Cubert:Aren't you impressed now, Pops? Aren't you? Aren't you?

Professor Farnsworth:In a small way, yes.

Cubert:Dwight Lightning.

Reality TV participant · Amy:I'm burning to death! You know how much an apartment that big would cost on the sun?

Professor Farnsworth:Naturally, we're humiliated. That's why we need you, our loyal crew... to make Planet Express 800% more profitable.

Fry · Professor · Amy · Leela:We don't work for you anymore! - What? - Dwight and Cubert made us an offer. - We're paperboys now.

Hermes · Scruffy:I don't even know who this guy is. - I'm Scruffy, the janitor.

Scruffy:I'm on break.

Professor Farnsworth:Sweet guinea pig of Winnipeg! They've taken over our company.

Professor Farnsworth:Tax dodge, nothing! You take one nap in a ditch at the park... and they start declaring you this and that.

Bender · Unknown crew member · Cubert · Bender:You rotten kids! - Will you be hiring? - No. - You rotten kids!

Leela · Cubert · Dwight:They'll make the ship go faster. - And what's your scientific basis for thinking that? - I'm 12.

Leela:Push, Bender! Push!

Bender:Oh, it feels like it's trying to push a waterbed out of me.

Leela:It's an ale. Five gallons, six ounces.

Cubert:This is a delivery company, not a delivery room.

Bender:Hey, wait a second. How did you deliver a million papers in one hour?

Amy:Don't you sweet-talk me... you wrinkly old tube sock.

Amy:Now, you should be happy that they became successes... instead of following in your food stamps.

Cubert:We couldn't handle them. We dumped the extras in a crater on the moon.

Hermes · Professor Farnsworth:You ruined us with sleazy business practices... and a complete disregard for human decency. - Of course we're proud of you.

Professor Farnsworth:Good thing I had this net installed for catching giraffes.

Cubert · Professor Farnsworth:Can I use the gun, Dad? - What kind of father would I be if I said no?

Dwight:Run away! That bully, Brett Blob, lives there. He's ugly, mean, stupid, stink mucus!

Professor Farnsworth:Oh, heavens, no! We apologize with nice, cheap words.

Brett Blob:I thought I heard the doorbell. But I see it was the 'dork bell.'

Mr. Blob:You shove your apology into the bottom of your one-way digestive system.

Mr. Blob:Tell you what. I'll accept their apology when they kiss my ass! Which I don't have.

Cubert:You are the bravest dads in the entire trauma center.

Professor Farnsworth:If I could feel anything right now, it would be pride. - I was wrong! I can still feel pain!

Mr. Blob:They're bringing in computers to improve productivity... and, well, that's no excuse for how I acted.

Bender:Hey, chumps. I heard you were on the ass end of an ass-kicking.

Professor Farnsworth:Man or blob, it's what's inside that counts.