A Big Piece Of Garbage

Farnsworth:Good news, everyone. Tomorrow, you'll make a delivery to Ebola Nine, the virus planet.

Unknown · Farnsworth:-Why can't they go today? -Tonight's special.

Unknown · Farnsworth:-Sounds boring. -Oh, my, yes. But not this year...

Farnsworth:-Sometimes it's off by seconds... what with free will and all.

Unknown:Dibs on his CD player!

Wernstrom:Look who's showing his wrinkled face.

Wernstrom:Leave science to the 120-year-olds.

Farnsworth:I invented things when you were barely turning senile.

Wernstrom:A-minus? No one gives Ogden Wernstrom an A-minus!

Farnsworth:I'm sorry, but penmanship counts.

Farnsworth:And here it is, slightly over 99 years later and still no revenge.

Bender:I've been perusing your fortified wine list... and I've selected the '71 Hobo's Delight... the '57 Chateau Par-Tay, and the '66 Thunder Chevitz.

Waiter · Bender:Exquisite choices, sir. And mix them all together in a big jug.

Ron Popeil:Welcome to this year's symposium. I'm your host, Ron Popeil... inventor of Mr. Microphone, the Spray-on Toupee... and the technology to keep heads alive in jars.

Ron Popeil:Wait, there's more.

Wernstrom:Fetch! [fish swims away] Now, sit. I said sit! Bad fish!

Young Scientist:I hope it's not as lame as last year's Death Clock.

Old Scientist:We laughed until our teeth fell out. Come along, Cinnamon.

Farnsworth:I have to invent something new in the next 10 minutes. Perhaps some sort of Death Clock!

Wernstrom:Pencils down, prune-face.

Farnsworth:We all know telescopes allow us to see distant objects... but what if we want to smell those objects?

Farnsworth:Thanks to my new invention... the Smell-O-Scope.

Farnsworth:The odor travels past this coffee stain here. Around the olive pit... and into this cigar burn. And this appears to be a... doodle of myself as a cowboy.

Crowd · Farnsworth:[CROWD LAUGHS] Oh, my. [CROWD LAUGHS]

Wernstrom:I've waited 100 years for this. I give your invention the worst grade imaginable: An A-minus-minus!

Farnsworth:Perhaps 149 is just too old to be a scientist.

Fry:There were many times in my century when I never gave up. Never. Are you even listening to me? Oh, I give up.

Farnsworth:No, I remembered that I built one last year!

Fry · Leela:As long as you don't make me smell Uranus. -I don't get it.

Farnsworth · Fry:Astronomers renamed Uranus in 2620 to end that stupid joke once and for all. -What's it called now? -Urectum.

Farnsworth · Fry:Here, let me locate it for you. No, I think I'll just smell around over here.

Farnsworth:Remarkable! A stench so foul it's right off the funkometer!

Bender:Oh! Name it after me!

Bender:Well, let's get looting. [BENDER WHISTLES]

Narrator:New Jersey was full.

Narrator:Not even that really filthy one. You know the one I mean.

Narrator:Some experts claim the ball may return to Earth. But their concerns were dismissed as 'depressing.'

Fry · Leela:You got that off the Internet? In my day it was only used to download porn. -Actually, that's still true.

Professor · Leela:Now that the garbage is in space... perhaps you can help me with my sexual inhibitions. -With gusto.

Fry · Leela · Bender:-What do you do with it? -We recycle. -Robots are made from old beer cans. -And this can's made from old robots.

Fry · Leela:Give me a break. What do you do with it? We recycle.

Leela · Bender:Robots are made from old beer cans. And this can's made from old robots.

Leela:That sandwich is made of discarded sandwiches.

Fry:The future is disgusting.

Leela · Fry:-Those are from the 19th century. -They probably just copied us.

Mayor Poopenmeyer:I hope this isn't a fraud like global warming or second-hand smoke.

Wernstrom:That smell could be anything... a faulty stench coil, cheese on the lens, who knows?

Assistant · Recorded Voice:The transmission ends there, sir. [RECORDED VOICE GAGS] No, I guess it keeps going. [RECORDED VOICE GAGS AND STOPS] There we go.

Farnsworth · Mayor:-Do you mean him or me? -Him!

Linda · Morbo:-I'm glad we live here in Los Angeles. -Morbo agrees. [NEWSCASTERS LAUGH]

Scientist:But suppose we sent a crew to plant an explosive on the fault line... between this mass of coffee grounds and this deposit of AOL floppy disks?

Crew:Oh, crap!

Bender:-Boo-hoo.

Fry:Sporty.

Fry:It's not filth. It's a monument to 20th-century achievements.

Bart Doll · Bender:Eat my shorts. -Okay! Mmm, shorts!

Leela:This was garbage when it was new. Let's blow it up already.

Leela:There's your problem. The professor put the counter on upside down.

Leela:That idiot! It wasn't set for 25 minutes, it was set for 52 seconds.

Bender:Okay, keep your space pants on. I'll take care of this.

Bender:Hey! You'll put somebody's eye out! Okay, keep your space pants on. I'll take care of this.

News Anchor:All in all, this is one day Mittens the Kitten won't soon forget.

Morbo:Kittens give Morbo gas.

Fry:And when my toilet broke, I just went straight in the garbage can.

Wernstrom:Lab access and five grad students, at least three Chinese.

Wernstrom:What plan? I'm set for life. Au revoir, suckers.

Mayor · Assistant:-That rat! Do something! -I would, but he's got tenure.

Rich Person:Stephanie, cancel the maid. Have her come tomorrow.

Farnsworth:Good Lord! A second ball of garbage! That just might work!

Leela:You can't just find garbage in the streets. City's been garbage-free for 500 years!

Fry:This Slurm can? Now it's garbage. These papers? Garbage. This picture of your wife? Pure garbage.

Fry:Get that robot some more beer!

Farnsworth · Someone:. . .three, four, five, six. . . Just fire the damn thing.

Wernstrom:I'll get you, Farnsworth, even if it takes another 100 years!

Leela · Farnsworth · Fry:Should we be celebrating? What if it returns to Earth like the first one? -Who cares? That would take centuries. -Exactly. It's none of our concern. -That's the 20th-century spirit!

Fry · Farnsworth:Who cares? That would take centuries. Exactly. It's none of our concern. That's the 20th-century spirit!