A Leela Of Her Own

Unknown character:Put down the binoculars. The wall of that strip club isn't gonna collapse twice in one day.

Bender:I know. I accept that. Now I'm interested in that new pizza parlor.

Fry:Makes me pine for my days as a delivery boy. 'Here's your pizza,' I'd say. 'I didn't order any,' they'd say. Then off to my next adventure.

Bender:That story stunk. Hand me the binoculars.

Unknown neighbor:The owner is from Signas-Five. Signoids? On our block? They should go back where they came from.

Professor Farnsworth:Society's never gonna make progress... Until we learn to pretend to like each other. Let's make these hideous strangers feel welcome.

Signoid alien:You sure about these chairs? Guidebook says human legs bend down at knee.

Signoid son:It's okay, Mama. Anyone complains, I bend legs up for free.

Signoid owner:Welcome to Earth Pizza Store. Here, sit. I bend the knees for you.

Signoid owner:What kind of pizza goes in you?

Signoid owner:Silt? Asbestos? We got guano, very fresh.

Customer · Signoid owner:Have any food? Here, try a deep-Dish pizza. Contains four kinds of things.

Customer:This tastes like vomit. Thank you.

Leela:Actually, I mean to offend a little. This is awful.

Signoid mother:We come to Earth to start new life, raise fat, spoiled Earth kids...

Signoid mother:Hang many underwear from Earth clothesline, live Earthican dream.

Fry:As soon as I stop blasting puke... I'm gonna teach you to sell pizza.

Signoid father:You save us, sir. If we cannot make Earth Pizza, our dream will die.

Signoid father:Just like rats we crushed to make the wine.

Fry:For starters, use quality ingredients. Case in point? No more live bees.

Fry:When you put pizzas in the oven, don't get in with them.

Signoid:Hey, ocupado.

Fry:Families need a TV so they don't have to talk to each other.

Announcer:Mets lose again. I haven't seen play this bad since the days of Bob Uecker.

Bob Uecker:This is Bob Uecker saying thanks for watching.

Signoid:Mets? Shortstop? Pinching the hitter? I don't understand this Blernsball.

Crowd member:Go, team. Beat those no-Good Signoids.

Signoid father:Ah, this is why I love Earth. Beautiful star-Brightened day, friendly Blernsball game with chum pals.

Leela · Umpire:No batter, no batter. No batter anymore. Take your base.

Injured batter:Yeah. Me too, now.

Player:Hey, batter, batter, batter, batter. Hey, duck.

Batter:Please, I want to live. Can I use bat to protect head? Apparently not.

Spectator:Check out the one-Eyed bean machine.

Signoid player:Hooray, I make a score point.

Teammate · Leela:You beaned a run in. Better let me pitch. But I've got a no-Hitter going. You're right. Here.

Elzar:Now I'm the sleaze bag who owns the New New York Mets.

Leela:The Mets? Those bums are worse than me.

Leela:You mean, I'd be the first woman ever to play major league blernsball?

Owner · Leela:It'd be a publicity stunt. A one-Eyed lady might bring out the freak show crowd. Wow, the first woman ever to play major league blernsball.

Fry:Like a sexy Yogi Berra. Why is your number 7/8?

Leela:The whole numbers have been retired.

Amy · Leela · Amy:Can I pat you on the butt? I'm a professional athlete. So go ahead. Now I'm too nervous.

Announcer:The Swedes have already turned this one into a 'laffer'.

Announcer:And that's with two 'F's.' The crowd is pouring out L.A. -Style.

Manager:I already put in the circus clown. But he bunted. Clowns are only funny when they swing away.

Announcer:A one-Eyed woman.

Crowd:Come on, throw like a girl. Go, Leela. Too much eyeliner.

Announcer:An inauspicious continuation for the career of the first woman blernsballer.

Crowd:Bean! Bean! Bean! Bean! Bean...

Agent · Agent:You got more publicity than a cowboy in a shark tank. Poor Tex. He was quite a shark.

Bender · Leela:You put a one and two zeros in front of that, or we pass. Deal. That's great. How much did you get me? One hundred dollars!

Leela:As a pitcher, I serve up plenty of bean balls. So I know good beans when I see them. Bean-Bay Beans! They're the beaniest!

Bender · Leela:You put a one and two zeros in front of that, or we pass. Deal. So, what did you get me? A thousand and one pesos.

Girl · Leela:To eBay? That's a popular name today. Little 'e,' big 'B'?

Bender:Five bucks an autograph, 200 fans, add a one and two zeros, we got a wad.

Jackie · Leela:A role model for how to stink. What? Who are you?

Fry:You are! What about that little girl you visited in the hospital who died?

Professor:That's statistically impossible. In 77 innings, you haven't gotten one out.

Leela:Then I have a new vow. I solemnly swear I will become not the worst blernsball player of all time!

Bender:When will man learn that all races are equally inferior to robots?

Guide:He once struck out when his tongue stuck to a cold bat.

Guide · Hank Aaron XXIV:He tried to catch with an oven mitt! It's a crummy hologram. I'm not a hologram. Hank Aaron the 24th.

Hank Aaron XXIV · Guide:My batting average was low. Low? It was zero! You went your whole career without getting a hit.

Professor:Leela beats that. She pitched without ever getting an out!

Hank Aaron XXIV:Wade Boggs, goes down smooth.

Hank Aaron XXIV:I can't help you play better than Tiny lota. He was great!

Leela · Hank Aaron XXIV:You mean on the ball? Who's in the hall of fame?

Umpire · Leela:Strike! Man, you did it, Leela! I didn't hit the batter!

Character · Signoid:You opened a franchise! Yes. Our biggest seller is Leela's Bean Pizza!

Signoid wife:Live hornets. We smoosh them right into dough.

Customer:I don't care if it's horse manure. That's good.

Signoid father · Signoid mother:No! We come to Earth to make pizza, not money! No, Blek! Other way around.

Announcer:Fans, Boston's turning the last game into a real 'squeeeker'.

Manager:I repeat. Isn't there a man on...

Announcer:I've never seen anything this weird and I've seen Mr. Belvedere naked!

Leela:She puts on her sports bra one arm at a time.

Announcer:This moment is brought to you by Month Old Franks... The hot dogs with experience!

Announcer:She's taught the world that being a bum knows no gender.

Jackie:You were so awful that women set out to prove they don't stink as bad as you.

Kid · Leela:You're still the worst football player of all time. Yeah.