Thats Lobstertainment

Humorbot 5.0:So I says, 'Super Collider? I just met her.'

Humorbot 5.0:And then they built the Super Collider. Thank you. You've been great.

Comedy Club Host:Our next standup's a veteran of four comedy traffic schools.

Comedy Club Host:Give it way up for Bobcat Zoidberg!

Zoidberg:Earth. What a planet. On Earth, you enjoy eating a tasty clam. On my planet, clams enjoy eating a tasty you!

Zoidberg:Maybe I'm not loud enough. On Earth, everybody is looking for a squid! On my planet...

Audience Member:Reload.

Zoidberg:So these three parasitic worms bore into a human's head. And they walk up to the bar and then... Wait! Stop! I've got more!

Zoidberg:My whole life I worked on that act. And they hated it.

Bender:You're a crazy lobster doctor! You shouldn't be a comedian!

Zoidberg:But comedy is in my valves.

Zoidberg:My Uncle Harold was a big star back in the era of silent holograms.

Professor Farnsworth:Why, I've been a fan since back when my hips were made of bone!

Professor Farnsworth:As it happens, I still have some of my original 78s.

Zoidberg:This letter has to be very personal, so I'm writing it in my own ink.

Zoidberg:Norm and Sam and Sadie's boy? Remember?

Zoidberg:Now I'm the most important doctor at the company where I work.

Zoidberg:But my life is bereft of laughter.

Harold Zoid:What's that scribble-di-gook?

Harold Zoid:It's a letter from my rich nephew... who just might be my ticket out of this flophouse, he might.

Harold Zoid:Yeah, you'd better run!

Harold Zoid:P.S: cashier's check.

Tour Guide:I'm kidding. That never happens.

Tour Guide:Fox uses searchlights to blind pilots... then film the resulting plane crashes.

Tour Guide:Ahead... you'll see the home of Mel Gibson, star of the hit film Bravehead.

Calculon:Are you my hot-water heater?

Calculon:Unless you can heat water to 212 degrees, I'm not interested.

Bender:That was the other guy. My name's Boiler.

Calculon · Bender:Nice work, Boiler. Thanks. And call me Bender.

Zoidberg:Next time you see me, don't be surprised if I've eaten.

Zoidberg:Uncle Zoid! You look young enough to be thrown back.

Harold Zoid:Rich nephew! Come over here and give your uncle a nice, big meal.

Harold Zoid:So, here we are. A still-famous film comedian... And a rich, respected doctor with surviving patients. Eating in a restaurant, as we both often do.

Harold Zoid:That dream dies now! You're unfunny and untalented!

Harold Zoid:That's why you're perfect for drama!

Harold Zoid:I'll be back on top after 50 miserable years... of fame.

Harold Zoid:This film has a juicy part for you... if you completely finance it with your money.

Waiter · Harold Zoid:What can I get you? Is bread free? Yeah. We'll split an order.

Zoidberg:I've been here a day, and already I'm a Hollywood phony.

Fry · Bender:Since when have you been in the biz? Long enough, little man. Long enough.

Harold Zoid:Get this. For a scant $1 million investment... you can be the star.

Calculon:No. No, I don't like the font.

Harold Zoid:I can guarantee anything.

Actor:That makes sense. Wink, wink.

Harold Zoid:No, I didn't. Raise middle finger.

Harold Zoid:I said this is a talkie! You've got to emote more! And you extras? Wave your arms! What is this, a morgue?

Harold Zoid:Just because it's a dramatic scene... doesn't mean you can't do a little comedy. Throw a pie, for God's sake!

Harold Zoid:Editing is a long and expensive process. We spent all the money on pies, so it'll be ready Friday.

Leela · Fry:Pay the valet the 2 bucks. No! It's the principle of the thing. I see a parking lot ahead.

Harold Zoid · Zoidberg:He's a visionary! Everyone walked out. They hated it.

Zoidberg:Plagues have had better opening nights.

Harold Zoid:That's why I used the qualifier 'practically.'

Harold Zoid:That's why I used the qualifier 'practically.'

Harold Zoid:Oy! Now he emotes.

Calculon:That's the Emmy of movie awards!

Leela:Oh, my God! Sylvester Stallone!

Stallone:No, I'm not. I'm an even bigger liar than you!

Stallone:My career went down the day they invented Smell-A-Vision.

Harold Zoid:As a pathetic has-been and forgotten relic, they remember me!

Zoidberg:No! This is one death I won't be responsible for. Zoidberg away!

Joan Rivers:I've had so many face-lifts, they finally lifted it right off my body! It's true! It's true!

Joan Rivers:Here comes Jack Nicholson's DNA, reconstituted in a gorilla body!

Harold Zoid:My only marketable skill is to occupy space.

Billy Crystal:Now I know how a Pez dispenser feels.

Leela:It's some kind of hollow tube devoid of human life. The L.A. subway! We can blast our way in and escape!

Fry:What was that? A tar dolphin? Or a tar shark?

Billy Crystal:Star Trek: The Pepsi Generation. They Call Me Mr. Pibb. And Snow White and the 7 Ups.

Harold Zoid:Play along, like with Marisa Tomei.

Harold Zoid:But tonight I realize what's really important is to win two Oscars!

Harold Zoid:Why are you upset? It's less fraudulent for you to have it.

Calculon:I respect and admire Harold Zoid too much to beat him to death.

Party Bouncer:Oh, pardon me. I see you're with Mr. Stallone.