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Professor:Who likes good news? Everyone? Then, good news, everyone. Our next delivery isn't to some dangerous outer space planet.

Fry:Earth is dangerous. I fell off my chair there once.

Fry:Quit it, Earth.

Professor:Long Long Island

Bender:It looks like a pair of clamps.

Clamps:These are all rusted out with snitch juice.

Clamps:Oh, geez, I forgot my Pope manners.

Space Pope:Dearly beloved, it is with great speed that I now pronounce you husband and wife.

Donbot:May I help you with some assistance?

Donbot · Clamps:We don't got nobody here by that alias. Hey, hey, that's me.

Donbot:Your name's Francis?

Bender:You forget, Leela. I'm Bender, owner of disguise.

Calculon:Piscopo. This guy.

Bella · Bender:I'm the bride. Oops.

Fanny · Bender:Bender, it's me, Fanny. You who? The Donbot's wife? We had an affair?

Bender:I don't want to hit on anybody I already had sex with.

Bender:You're my third choice.

woman · Bender:Oh, Bender, this is all happening too slowly. Let's get married. Quiet, I'm making out with a floozy.

Bender:Hold your clapper.

Donbot:It gives me no joy to do this, because Clamps will be doing it.

Calculon:No, no. Line? No...!

Bella:And guys who mess around with his daughters. And attempt to duplicate his meatball recipe.

Bender:Says who? I didn't witness anything!

Bender:All right, Amy, you win! The mob did it. I saw the whole thing while also having hot sex with the Donbot's daughter.

Bender:I'm scared and great at sex.

Bender:And then I ate some excellent meatballs.

Bender:No, no. Can I have another $50? No. No? No! No...!

Judge 724:All rise for the Honorable Judge 724. Good day. I'd like to say I'm prepared to tolerate several if not all forms of intimidation during this trial.

Prosecutor:Your Honor, the prosecution pecks for a mistrial on the grounds of jury tampering.

Prosecutor:People call our star witness Mr. X, whose appearance will be altered be-caw-se he's in grave danger.

Bender:Aah, fix it, fix it, fix it, fix it!

Defense Attorney · Bender:including a crime you made up yourself called 'burgle-arson-arceny'? That's a wholly owned trademark of Rodriguez Crime Concepts, Inc.

Judge · Bender:You are charged with two counts of burgle-arson-arceny. How do you plead? Not inno-guilty-cent.

Bender:Wait, I'm not finished. ...o! Now I'm finished.

Prosecutor:Your Honor, the prosecution roosts.

Jury Foreman:After a steamy 12-way deliberation, we find the accused guilty as... Wait. The Donbot is innocent.

Calculon:My personal trainer, and he's trained me to say that my wounds were self-inflicted, for you see I am a big Hollywood idiot dumb guy what does dat sort of ting.

Donbot:Poifect.

woman · Bender:Honey, if you're marrying Bender, you might want to get a black dress for the wedding. That's going to look hot.

FBI Agent:You'll be given a new identity, a new place to live, and this iPod. I don't want it anymore.

Bender:Before I leave, I just want you to know I've never done any work whatsoever.

Bender:Zoidberg, I know it seems like I can't stand you.

Bender:Me, too. I'll need a butler.

Professor:There'll never be another like him. Let's hire someone better.

Clamps:Yeah, and then I'll introduce him to my best friend-- clamp number one!

Clamps:Francis... Francis? I'll clamp you with the Francis!

Professor:Yeah, they all kind of broke.

Professor:Snipping? Looks like you may be out of a job, Zoidberg.

Zoidberg:Stay off my turf!

Clamps/Francis:That guy can bite my shiny metal clamps.

Clamps/Francis:Eh, four stinking years of clamping school for this?!

Clamps/Francis:Squeezers? Squeezers?! They're clamps, you (bleep)!

Sheriff Furley:Hot diggity! You fellers want to stick around for the hanging tomorrow? It's gonna be a doozy. I sure do love hanging people.

Sheriff:I like how you didn't get drunk and steal anyone's organs, like our old robot.

Clamps/Francis:We're in space, where no one can hear you clamp.

Clamps/Francis:I checked on a guy once. I checked him into tiny pieces!

Fry:Billy West? What a stupid, phony, made-up name.

Leela:Well, my boyfriend and I were going to have sex on a burning flag, but I could have a bite.

Billy West/Bender:Folks say my mama was a hoe.

Billy West/Bender:Which is weird, seeing as how my daddy was a forklift.

Amy:Wow. Bender is really committed to his new Jethrovian identity.

Billy West/Bender:Examine? Heck, if you can find it, you can keep it.

Fry:You sure you don't want to kill all humans?

Billy West/Bender:I love all humans.

Fry:Francis is a way better friend than Bender ever was.

Billy West/Bender:God bless Grandma and Grandpa... They're next!

Zoidberg:John (bleep) Zoidberg!

Zoidberg:That offer was for a limited time only.

Zoidberg:Because our friend Francis here is in reality a bad murderer.

Bella:Bender, you two-timing jerk! I put off my singing career for you!

Donbot:Bender was a hell of a squealer. Maybe the best there ever was.

Bender:Bender? I'm-a no Bender. You got-a me-a mixed uppa with another-a robot.

Leela:So that moon hillbilly who got murdered was just an innocent husband and father.

Bender:You do, and I'll (bleep) gut you like a fish.