I Second That Emotion

Announcer:Futurama is brought to you by Glagnar's Human Rinds. It's a Bunch-a-Munch-a-Crunch-a-Humans!

Bender:Somebody likes snouts. Is it me?

Bender:Oh, my head! My precious head!

Bender:Stupid can opener! You killed my father and now you want me!

Bender:But why do we keep this time bomb around for that dumb animal?

Bender:I'll pet him with both hands!

Bender:My ass! Get off! Get off!

Bender:Nothing a lawsuit won't cure. Not you.

Bender:I got a busted ass! I don't see anyone kissing it!

Leela:All right, I'm coming.

Vet:Remember, Rover gets the pill, and Pepper gets the suppository. Next!

Bender:What's that? You have to put him down? No. Huh? What? Terrible shame. Shall I do the honors?

Bender:Next time, I'm keeping it.

Vet:The jaguar wasn't helpful, but he did knock one of my teeth out.

Vet:I'm woozy from a gazelle kick earlier, but if he's like a tree...

Vet:Good luck. It'd take a genius to count all those rings.

Fry:He's 5.

Bender:I'd be cuddly if someone gave me a cape.

Bender:And the crowd goes wild! What prize do I get? Cash?

Bender:You call that talent?

Group singing:And you smell like one too

Bender:Fine. We'll have rack of Nibbler!

Leela:And this time... if someone jumps out of it, put them in after it's cooked.

Bender:So it's a cake you want, is it? I'll make you a cake you'll never forget.

Bender:That'll take care of those rats.

Bender:Now, to bake a cake so delicious... they'll have no choice but to love and worship me.

Bender:There! This'll teach those filthy bastards who's lovable.

Bender:Can't you see I'm using the toilet?

Bender:Step one, I lifted the seat. That was the first annoyance. Am I right, men?

Bender:Only one way to find out.

Bender:Yeah. One cantaloupe-sized eye? You ain't winning no beauty pageants, lady.

Bender:The toilet.

Bender:Give it to me straight, doc. Don't sugarcoat it.

Professor:Your entire family died when a plane piloted by your fiancée... crashed into your uninsured home. And you have inoperable cancer. Bet you didn't expect that one!

Bender:Just use a potted plant like Fry!

Professor:Yes, if by 'allow' you mean 'force.'

Professor:Now I'll simply tune it to Leela's emotional frequency.

Bender:My God, I'm overcome with feelings. I'm experiencing a powerful yearning... to cram my gullet with mackerel heads.

Leela:That's me, baby.

Bender:I feel I'm not as smart as Leela... but I also feel relieved that I'm cuter than her.

Fry:Thanks for covering.

Professor:Bingo!

Bender:Happy. I like this feeling. Don't revert to your usual mopey self.

Leela:I'm not mopey. You shut up!

Bender:Anger, huh? How dare you make me feel anger... you one-eyed jerk with a dead pet?

Leela:Nibbler loved to eat puppies.

Bender:Hell, no! It's Leela's feelings! Why can't she just drink herself happy like a normal person?

Bender:You only get all the guys because you dress like a tramp!

Bender:I'm so lonely. I'm gonna go eat a bucket of ice cream.

Bender:The spoon's in the foot powder!

Fry:My friend's cousin's caseworker saw one. It's a widely believed fact.

Bender:Hang on, Nibbler! Uncle Bender's coming to save you!

Bender:What did those humans design this for anyway?

Bender:Bender, one. Toilet, zero.

Professor:Have you seen my sombrero?

Leela · Fry:He flushed himself down the toilet? Who's next?

Fry · Leela:It's your fault. Your emotions made him feel bad. You're right. I feel terrible. Now you're making him feel worse!

Leela:Mutants are just a ridiculous urban myth.

Fry:God bless America.

Fry:We're under Park Avenue. Ritzy!

Fry:Just think. All this was probably once a charity luncheon for the Met.

Leela:Mutants!

Mutant:I have three arms!

Mutant Leader:I said, harmless not armless! Lay off him. He only has one ear.

Fry:Shouldn't you eat my brain? You're mutants!

Mutant Leader:Mutants? Perhaps you are the mutants.

Mutant:Dwayne, have you looked in a mirror lately?

Mutant Leader:Perhaps your civilization... is the sewer of an even greater society above you.

Fry:No, we're on top. Daylight and everything.

Mutant Guide:Just crumpled porn and Ayn Rand.

Mutant:Over here is our church.

Leela:You guys worship an unexploded nuclear bomb?

Mutant:Nobody's that observant. It's mainly for Christmas and Easter.

Mutant:That's an urban legend.

Mutant:They're our pets. When they grow too large, we flush them into the sub-sewer.

Mutant:There's a race of sub-mutants there.

Leela:Please! That's just a sub-urban legend.

Mutant:Then I suppose you also don't believe in El Chupakneebray.

Mutant:He creeps in the midnight hush / Silent as a low-flow toilet flush / But sooner or later / He'll eat you whole / And half your alligator

Mutant:Crocodile.

Bender:Nice try, Leela... but we've all seen Zapp Brannigan's web page.

Bender:Oh, I made myself feel bad.

Mutant:And rip her shirt a little.

Fry:Nightfall? How can you tell down here?

Mutant:The tide is coming in.

Fry:I'm too scared! Your fear is being transmitted to Bender!

Fry:The secret is not giving a rat's ass about anyone... and only caring about things that you want... that you deserve, that the world owes you!

Bender:Bender is back! I'll save you, Nibbler!

Leela:Know what else I could use? A weekend at a fancy spa. And a Toblerone.

Mutant:It'll be ages before another guitar string is flushed.

Professor:You won't believe this, but the empathy chip burned out.

Professor:The emotion you felt for Nibbler was your own!

Professor:No, I'm wrong. The chip was running at triple capacity. And I still barely felt anything. Good night, losers!

Leela:Maybe Bender didn't learn from me... but I learned something from him.

Bender:So long, jerkwads!