The Professor's fast-fashion clothes are a smash hit, but an environmental disaster.
WAR
45.2
Wins Above Replacement
“Attack Of The Clothes” ranks #68 of 137 Futurama episodes on the Humor Index, scoring 78.2 — Elite. The episode packs 69 scored jokes at 4.2 per minute, averaging 6.8 on craft and 6.5 on impact, with Professor landing the most laughs. Every joke is ranked below with its individual craft and impact scores.
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Top Jokes
Amy: Ugh. Okay, but remember: Their eyes are up here.
Amy Meta/Self-Referential Irony/Sarcasm ★ Rewatch Morbo: I will destroy you and your entire species if you continue to combine those words.
Morbo Character Comedy Escalation ★ Rewatch Amy · Professor: Um, Professor? Most people have a head. Sure. The in-crowd.
Cara: What is one life against a completely decent pair of pants?
Cara Absurdist Dark/Subversive Bouncer · Zoidberg: You're dressed like some sort of underpaid lobster doctor from outer space. But I can't afford nicer clothings.
Standout Moments
Amy · Professor: Um, Professor? Most people have a head. Sure. The in-crowd.
Amy: Ugh. Okay, but remember: Their eyes are up here.
Amy Meta/Self-Referential Irony/Sarcasm ★ Rewatch Morbo: I will destroy you and your entire species if you continue to combine those words.
Morbo Character Comedy Escalation ★ Rewatch All Jokes — 69 analyzed
Show all ↓ Hide ↑ Unknown: You can't go through with it, Boxy. For she is your sister.
Unknown: And my sister. And my wife! And my air conditioner!
Unknown Escalation Absurdist ★ Rewatch Fry: What in the name of my ass is going on here?
Fry Wordplay/Pun Character Comedy Amy · Professor: That is an amazing invention. This isn't the invention, you boob.
Professor: Let me just activate it using my footnological marvel, the toelonger. It's glorious! That's not the invention, either. Stop guessing.
Body parts dealer: Hyello, Mr. Professorvich. Very extremely good catch for you today. Luckily was big railroad accident.
Amy · Professor: Wow. Is that a flatlock seam? Why, thank you for noticing, Amy. It looks elegant and minimizes blood loss.
Professor: The head is the part with the teeth and the sneeze hole, right?
Nixon · Professor: Can it hit a no-look jump shot? -Uh, sure. -Then why does it need me?
Unknown child head: Good one, Mommy!
Professor: Um, do any of you lovely lady... People...
Cara Delevingne: I miss doing runway shows and intimidating short people.
Professor: The left side's pretty tall. Trust me, it's attractive. It's got thick, luxurious hair all over the place, and several legs that just won't quit. And one that will.
Cara Delevingne: Of course, dear, it's not the body, it's how you wear it.
Amy: That's Cara Delevingne. She invented eyebrows.
Amy Absurdist Observational Professor: I'm sorry, Cara. But due to your various and unusual proportions, no clothing will ever fit you.
Professor: You didn't need that hind leg anyway.
Professor Deadpan/Understatement Dark/Subversive Cara: Thanks, but it's a little Soviet brutalist for me.
Cara Observational Wordplay/Pun Cara: I never expected to love something so much that was excreted from a moth.
Professor Running Gag Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Callback Wernstrom: into lovable companions for the elderly.
Wernstrom: Aww! Come along, Explodey.
Audience · Professor: Who made that dress? It's fabulous. Did you not hear what I said? I brought a human back to life!
Audience member: But that gown brings sexy back to science.
Announcer: In the spirit of recycling, we're reusing last year's envelope. And the winner was Ogden Wernstrom.
Stylist · Professor: I've got a midlife crisis ponytail for a Hubert Farnsworth. It's pronounced Hugh-bear. It is?
Stylist: Gorgeous, like a desiccated Zac Posen.
Professor: I'm on the cover of Vague. My mother would be so confused.
Cara: Thank you. It's holding my neck on.
Cara Dark/Subversive Deadpan/Understatement ★ Rewatch Gladys: Being boneless, clothing never fits me. It's like trying to put pants on a waterbed.
Gladys Observational Setup/Punchline Bender: I once got the pants off a waterbed, but that's a very long, very dirty story.
Bender Setup/Punchline Character Comedy Gladys: Money's no object. I have contractile vacuoles full of it.
Gladys Character Comedy Observational Professor: Gol'durned cytoplasm. Yeah! That's it! Make sweet asexual love to the scanner.
Professor: Make sweet asexual love to the scanner. No, don't shake your money maker. Give me less of that. Don't work it, baby.
Gladys: What, this little thing? It's from the House of Professor.
Gladys Observational Character Comedy Tim Gunn: Hugh-bear Farntsvirt
Tim Gunn Character Comedy Wordplay/Pun Callback Bouncer: Sorry, we're full. The anteater can come in, though.
Bouncer · Zoidberg: You're dressed like some sort of underpaid lobster doctor from outer space. But I can't afford nicer clothings.
Dumpster vagrant: You can't come in our dumpster what looking like that. Not during Fashion Week.
Garbage person: You can't come in our dumpster what looking like that. Not during Fashion Week.
Zoidberg: Your fabulous clothing just makes the other 99% of us sad and jealous.
Zoidberg: What? No, I'm just going underwater where the fashion standards are lower.
Underwater creature: Excuse me, the fashion standards aren't lower. Why, look at the flatlock seam on my clam shells.
Amy: I've never told anyone this, but it's been my lifelong dream to be a famous scientist.
Amy Irony/Sarcasm Character Comedy Amy: I've never told anyone this, but it's been my lifelong dream to be a famous scientist.
Amy Irony/Sarcasm Character Comedy Professor: Fly, fly, my pretties!
Host · Morbo: Good Mor-night. I will destroy you and your entire species if you continue to combine those words.
TV host: Good Morning Tonight. Or as I like to say, Good Mor-night.
TV host Wordplay/Pun Character Comedy Morbo: This just in. I look fabulous.
Morbo: These slacks really flatter Morbo's pulsating buttocks.
Morbo Character Comedy Absurdist Professor: Oh, no need to wash anything. The outfits fall apart after one day's use. But they'd be out of fashion by then anyway.
Professor: It's fast fashion at its fastiest.
Professor: Who knows? Who cares?
Professor: Anything can fit. The fash-can is a multi-dimensional wormhole through space and time and probably some other things.
Professor: The fash-can is a multi-dimensional wormhole through space and time and probably some other things.
Professor · Leela: Relax. I get a new pet every day to go with my outfits. That's slightly worse.
Professor: I get a new pet every day to go with my outfits.
Leela: If any civilization was here, it's been smothered by the Professor's clothes.
Leela Dark/Subversive Observational Bender: Deploy her? I barely know her. Just kidding. I'm a regular customer.
Bender Wordplay/Pun Character Comedy Leela: Actually, it's not the moths that eat clothes. It's the caterpillars. People don't know that because they're tiny and hard to see.
Leela Observational Meta/Self-Referential Cara: No. I am a professional fashion model. We do not run. We strut.
Cara Character Comedy Absurdist Zoidberg: It won't stand up to even the lowest setting.
Cara: What is one life against a completely decent pair of pants?
Cara Absurdist Dark/Subversive Professor: Well, if everyone is already dead, I don't see the problem.
Fry: But that's our planet, right? And we're not buried under miles of laundry.
Fry Setup/Punchline Misdirection Orangutan: Damn you all to TJ Maxx!
