The Pledge Drive

They're like these little $1 folded-paper emotional prostitutes

Hallmark hooker

Happy birthday, merry Christmas, happy anniversary, congratulations, it's a boy and our deepest sympathies. Signed, The whole office.

If I was flattering myself, I think I'd come up with someone a little less annoying than Noreen

The guy with the really high voice

What, I get a percentage of every pledge I bring in, right?

No. It's not aluminum siding. It's volunteer work.

Noreen's not here. This is Dan.

No, this is Dan.

Is this it in the trash?

You signed your name and you addressed the envelope. It's not like you painted the picture and wrote the poem.

Yeah, she puts $10 in every birthday card. That's why I save them.

She wants you to spend the money, to have the fun that she can't have. This is tantamount to a slap in the face.

A gift not enjoyed is like a flower that doesn't blossom.

If my parents had a mantel, I might be a completely different person.

Do your thing where you lie to everyone.

Her brother just had a book of political cartoons published.

Mr. Pitt eats his Snickers bars with a knife and fork.

That's the way these society types eat their candy bars.

That's the extra toast. Get it?

She gave me the finger. That's how waitress types express derision. They don't wanna get their mouths dirty.

For trying to have the Yankees reach another strata of society that might not watch Channel 11.

How do you eat it, with your hands?

You wanted a Yankee, I got you a Yankee.

Pending approval of the script. Jerry, I'm Yankee management.

I don't believe it. She did it again! Oh, she had an itch. Had an itch. She could have used any finger. That finger was meant for me.

The bank. It burned. It's gone.

Your nana is missing because she's been passing those bum checks all over town and she finally pissed off the wrong people.

Well, he does raise his voice occasionally, but that's normal. No. No, no. Not a loud talker... a high talker.

You don't think his voice sounds a lot like yours?

Great. I'm going out with a man who sounds like a woman.

I'm eating this cookie. No, no. But why are you using a knife and fork? Did you just think of that? No. I've seen people do it. I like it.

Hey, watch it! Did you see that guy? He just gave me the finger. Oh, yeah! Middle finger, straight up, at me. At us.

Listen, Jerry doesn't wanna talk to you. Nobody wants to talk to you, so why don't you just drop dead.

You told Nana to drop dead. It's possible. Yes, it is.

No one gives us the finger. We're Yankees.

I was promised tote bags, and tote bags I shall have.

Here. If anybody asks you where you got it, you don't know. No, that's okay, I really don't need... What are you talking about? It's not necessary. Would you please take the...? I can't take it. I want you to have it. Jerry, take the money! I don't want it!

Well, this situation's driving me crazy. He's all I think about. I can't get him out of my mind. Well, I'm sorry, fella. I mean, I know what it's like to be in love. It just ties you up in knots. And Jerry is a very sexy man.

In fact, we here at PBS, we have many programs celebrating your lifestyle. Armistead Maupin's Tales of the City, gender-bending and swinging in San Francisco.

I believe you cut me off and then made an obscene gesture. I did? Where? Outside of Manhattan about an hour ago.

And as we speak, she's generously writing PBS a check for $1500! She can't do that. She's on a very fixed income. Stop the show!

Isn't this little bunny giving you the...? Yes, he is.

Look, she's cutting up an Almond Joy. I just don't get it. I saw someone on the street eating M&M's with a spoon.

What is wrong with all you people? Have you all gone mad?