The Soup

No baron has ever owned a LeBaron.

Or the Ford LTD. LTD. Limited. It's a limited edition. What did they make, 50 million of those? Yes, it's limited to the number we can sell.

The Integra. Oh, integrity? No, Integra.

The Supra or the Impreza. Yeah? Well, I hope it's not a 'lemona.' Or you'll be hearing from my 'lawya.'

'89 Volvo. That's the car for me. It's the one I want. - I got a LeBaron convertible right here. - N.I., not interested.

Got a few more miles on it, but the previous owner was Jon Voight.

He's a dentist. You don't wanna go out with a dentist. - Why? - He'll always be criticising your brushing technique. It'll drive you crazy. Away from the gums.

A LeBaron? I thought Consumer said Volvo was the car. What consumer? I'm the consumer.

You bought a car because it belonged to Jon Voight? No. No. I think 'yes, yes.'

I've never even seen him in a car. I mean, look at his movies. No cars. Deliverance, canoe. Midnight Cowboy, boots. Runaway Train... runaway train.

Well, what's so great about a mom-and-pop store? Let me tell you, if my mom and pop ran a store, I wouldn't shop there.

I really don't wear the kind of shoes that have to be cobbled.

Well, he's got a Peter Pan complex.

Jerry, we're talking about Joe Buck. If you can play Joe Buck, Oskar Schindler's a cakewalk.

You're not getting in my car with gummy shoes.

Everybody's talking at me / I can't hear a word they're saying / Just driving round in Jon Voight's car

I worked a club in Dallas once, and they couldn't pay me, so they gave me these.

That's the genius of it.

All because of that idiot and his bloody nose.

Hey, you don't think? Sure. That's Jon Voight's pencil. With Jon Voight's teeth marks.

I know sometimes I spell Jerry with a G. And an I.

Oh, look. There's Gregory Peck's bicycle. And Barbara Mandrell's skateboard.

Hey, cowboy. Where's your horse?

Well, you know, J-O-N is a lot zippier.

Did he say, 'Why would Jerry bring anything?' Or, 'Why would Jerry bring anything?' Did he emphasise 'Jerry' or 'bring'?... I think he emphasised 'would.'

Mom and Pop aren't even a mom and pop?

So Mom and Pop's plan was to move into the neighbourhood... establish trust... for 48 years... and then run off with Jerry's sneakers?

I suppose if I had suggested Liam Neeson Day... you'd all be patting me on the back.

The way I feel when I go places with you?

Jon Voight bit you? What is he, a vampire?

You're showing up at that party with a chewed-up pencil... and Kramer's gnarled arm?

Yeah. What is he, some sort of an instigator? That's right. He's a troublemaker.

Did you say, 'Jerry, I didn't think you'd show'... or, 'Jerry, I didn't think you'd show.'

Yes! Yes! Yes, I'm the one. So you know Jon Voight? Yes. I went to dental school with him. Jon Voight, the actor? No. The periodontist.

You popped Woody Woodpecker!

I was at a garage sale, and this old couple... sold me used sneakers... they claim belonged to Jerry Seinfeld, the comedian.

The marching band is a perfect example... of taking something bad and making it difficult too.

The human urge to wave at total strangers just moving by... is very strong, isn't it? Parades and ocean liners... and those little trains that go through amusement parks.

What? No. Nothing. No, what is it? No, it's just that I didn't get one.

Listen, Elaine, I've been wanting to ask you... would you like to go out with me New Year's Eve? Thanks. What? What?