The Postponement

The dog problem has been solved... there's this rabbi in my building

I will never understand the bathrooms in this country. Why is it that the stall doors do not come all the way down to the floor?

Maybe it's so you can see if there's someone in there... Well, as a backup system

That's not a system. That's a complete breakdown of the system.

the subject should resolve itself based on its own momentum

How am I gonna do this? I'm engaged to this woman? She doesn't even like me.

Oh, what, you think I wanna marry George?

Do you realize this is going to be on our permanent records? It can never be erased. It'll follow us wherever we go for the rest of our lives.

I could care less. I hope it is on our record. I'm just sorry they didn't lock me up.

oftentimes in life there are problems and just as often there are solutions

Have I ever been less than forthright? No, you haven't. Well, maybe you have. What do I know? I probably have. Of course I have. What am I talking about?

Extend the doors on the toilet stalls at Yankee Stadium all the way to the floor.

I think it's fantastic. I think it's a fantastic idea... Well, I told it to Susan before and she didn't like it.

It should resolve of its own volition... That's exactly what I said, but I used the word 'momentum.' 'Momentum,' same thing. Same thing.

My God, I'm getting married in December. Do you know that? Yeah, I know. How am I gonna make December?

My stomach aches. My neck is killing me. I can't turn. Look, look... You're turning. No, that's not a good turn.

March 21st, the first day of spring... Rejuvenation, rebirth, everything's blooming. All that crap.

I think I'm a little bit scared of her. She's 5'3", like 100 pounds, I'm frightened to death of her.

Well, she's a woman. They don't like to be disappointed. Especially her. She does not like disappointment.

You know what, even if you killed somebody, I wouldn't turn you in.

Definitely... I would turn you in... I wouldn't even think about it.

Well, what kind of person are you, going around killing people? Well, if you killed this person, who's to say I wouldn't be next?

I have the SnackWells, which are very popular although I think sometimes with the so-called fat-free cookies people may overindulge, forgetting that they may be high in calories.

very often we cannot see the forest for the trees... Yeah, I don't know what that means.

it should've been me. You know? I'm smart. I'm attractive.

So you're nothing but a stoolie. Admit it.

Hey, don't do the crime if you can't do the time.

Hey, baby, I set the trends. Who do you think started this caffe latte thing? I've been drinking caffe lattes since the fifth grade and haven't looked back.

I was supposed to see this five years ago. I was in a Chinese restaurant with George and Elaine. We got screwed up and missed it.

See, that's littering. Maybe you ought to call the cops and turn me in. Maybe I will.

The Lauers? Really? Do you not wanna go? No, no. I wanna go.

Spring! Rejuvenation, rebirth, everything is blooming. All that... If you don't wanna marry me, George, just say so!

No, no, still marry. Still marry... No, no, still love. Still love.

Snow, Santa, all that stuff.

She cried and you caved. How did you know that? I live and breathe, my friend. I live and breathe.

That's why breakups take two or three tries. You gotta build up your immunity. You see those tears, you don't know what to do. It's like she was on fire. I was just trying to put her out.

Well, at least you probably had some pretty good make-up sex afterwards. I didn't have any sex.

In your situation the only sex you're gonna have better than make-up sex is if you're sent to prison and you have a conjugal visit.

Yeah, conjugal-visit sex. That is happening.

Look at this guy. He's eating a sandwich. Are you gonna eat those fries?

In fact, she told me that she wishes she was the one who was getting married... She came off as pretty desperate.

I recall the word 'loser' peppered throughout our conversation.

Oh, don't worry. Yes, of course, of course.

But he's a rabbi. How can a rabbi have such a big mouth? That's what's so fascinating.

Because they don't allow outside drinks into the movie. Well, that's stupid. That's the rule. Yeah, well, we'll just see if we can't get around that.

I seem to recall a conversation with Mrs. Winston in 1F... I happened to mention to her how you felt it was never going to 'happen' for you.

Well, this morning I happened to find myself in the elevator with him... Oh, my God, you didn't.

Come on, coffee boy.

That man in no way represents our ability to take in a nice piece of juicy gossip and keep it to ourselves.

I have seen the changes in you the past couple of years. Man, you have grown. You've matured... Well, I guess I'm getting older.

Well, I started to tell her, and then all of a sudden, for some reason I just burst into tears. I bawled uncontrollably.

I never realized how powerful these tears are. I could have postponed it another five years if I wanted to.

You did me the biggest favour of my life. I spoke to a lawyer. We're suing for millions.

The coffee was too hot. It's supposed to be hot. Not that hot.

A young lady I know, let's call her Elaine happened to find herself overwhelmed with feelings of resentment and hostility for her friend let's call him George.

She also happened to mention to me that her friend had wondered if going to a prostitute while you're engaged is considered cheating. His feeling was they're never going to see each other again so, what's the difference?