The Voice

George, you're not really handicapped, are you? / I've had my difficulties.

Mr. Thomassoulo, during times of great stress... people are capable of superhuman strength. Have you ever seen The Incredible Hulk, sir?

I don't understand. / We don't like you. We want you to leave. / Clearer.

They signed me to a one-year contract. As long as I show up for work every day, they have to pay me.

He and I started joking that when she falls asleep... her stomach stays awake all night and talks to me. Well, the bellybutton's like a mouth.

I'm bored. Talk to me.

Oh, I gotta start taking these 'stupid' warnings more seriously.

My Puddy? / We broke up. / And yet he continues to live.

The bump-into, always leads to the backslide.

Elaine, breaking up is like knocking over a coke machine. You can't do it in one push. You gotta rock it back and forth a few times, and then it goes over.

That's beautiful.

That's different. I had no feelings for those people.

At the movies last night, I went to the bathroom and I unbuckled wildly... and the buckle kind of banged against the side of the urinal... so that's it.

So you're insane. / Oh, yes. Quite. / Of course, it's a sliding scale.

No resources, skill, talent, ability, brains...? / No. No time.

Do you have any idea how much time I waste in this apartment? / I could ballpark it.

Here we go. Now she comes in. My whole day is shot.

George? / No. No. No. / Well, I was here. That's everyone.

Your hair, it's somewhat depoofed. / Oh, it's the new look, you know? Heroin chic.

Oh, hoochie-moochie.

People don't just bump into each other and have sex. This isn't Cinemax.

Sex, that's meaningless. I can understand. Dinner, that's heavy. That's an hour.

2.9-Percent financing on a Toyota one-ton. That was my idea too!

Good morning. / Go to hell. / Hi, Alice. That's a nice dress. / Don't even look at me.

You remember my corporation, Kramerica Industries? / All right. / Yeah, well apparently... NYU is very enthusiastic about their students... getting some real-world corporate experience.

But you only provide fantasy-world corporate experience.

That is not a bad idea.

I'm like Hitler's last days here. / I'm invigorated. / I'm like a weed, Jerry. / I thought you're like Hitler in the bunker. / I'm a weed in Hitler's bunker.

I'm uncomfortable with the Hitler stuff.

Hi, this is Darin from Kramer's office. Mr. Kramer would like to schedule lunch with you at Monk's coffee shop.

Hello, Darin, this is Jerry from Jerry's office. We're gonna be three for lunch.

I am not calling Puddy.

What did I do with my gloves? Oh, I bet I left them over at Puddy's. I should call him. I need those gloves. No, I better not. I'll call him. Oh, look at that. There are the gloves. I was just about to call. And there they are. That's funny. That's really funny. That is really, really funny. You know who loves funny stories? David Puddy.

So how hot did it get? / I don't know, 120, 130. / Then they sent some guys in to sandblast for six hours. / Tomorrow, they're putting in asbestos.

I guess you can take anything but actual work. / Bring it on.

After ordering, Mr. Seinfeld and Mr. Costanza debated... on whether Iron Man wore some sort of undergarment... between his skin and his iron suit.

Then Mr. Seinfeld went to the restroom, at which point... Mr. Costanza scooped ice from Mr. Seinfeld's drink... with his bare hand, and used it to wash up.

This never happened.

We've been doing this silly kind of voice. / So you think I'm fat?

He's like the Kool-Aid guy.

He is fat. / No. He's just a little bloated. / It's mostly water weight!

Boysenberry. Kid's still learning.

I love just seeing you and having sex. / Not having to do all that... work. / All that calling you and buying stuff. / Hearing about how everyone at work isn't as smart as you. It's brutal.

Get those clothes off. You're spending the night. / We're gonna cuddle. / What?

Listen, could you give Mr. Thomassoulo a message for me? Yes. If he needs me, tell him I'm in my office!

Far as I can tell... your enterprise is a little more than a solitary man... with a messy apartment, which may or may not have a chicken.

And with Darin's help, we'll get that chicken.

Your fly's open.

I have to choose between seeing you and doing the voice? / That's right. / I don't know.

You broke up with her? Why? / So we could do the voice.

Hello. / I like the girl better than the voice. / Really? Hello.

I've seen you together. You make each other miserable. It's kismet.

I was supposed to pick up Newman at the zoo 12 hours ago.

That voice is played. / So played.

What about the tanker bladder system? / We were gonna put an end to maritime oil spills. / Probably.

That's half of your entire contract. Please, just go.

George Costanza's handicapped bathroom on the 16th floor... is now open to all employees and their families.

Well played. / I'll see you in hell, Costanza.

You have to drink that whole thing? / No, no, no. It's for oil tankers.

Mr. Thomassoulo likes to play dirty. Well, there's nothing dirtier... than a giant ball of oil.

That was a doozy. / Go again? / Book it.

Listen, David, I've gotta run. Can you lend me 50 bucks?

That should cover the experiment, the arrest and most of your trial.

Now, let's push this giant ball of oil out the window.

There's Claire. I better go down. Hey, there's Kramer and Darin. There's the giant ball of oil. Claire's right underneath that thing. Claire. Hello! Hello!

I'm not looking up, if you're going to do that voice.

Well, that didn't work.

Whatever happened to Darin? / Darin's going away for a long, long time.

Hello. I got beaned with a giant ball of oil. I'm slippery as an eel.

You know, why were we fooling ourselves? We belong together. / Elaine, I wanna break up. / Nuts.