David Puddy

Elaine · Puddy:Femti kroner. How much is that? / We have to break up.

Puddy:Well, what do you think the Gap in Rome has that's not on Broadway?

Elaine · Puddy:David, you are so funny. / Yeah, I know.

Puddy · Elaine:It's a long flight. I had to get on with my life. / By making time with some floozy across the aisle? / Yeah, that's right.

Puddy:What's going on over there with you and... Vegetable Lasagne?

Puddy · Elaine:She doesn't either. If it were up to me, we'd still be together. / Well, maybe I feel the same way. / Okay. / Okay. So now what? / Let's make out.

Elaine · Puddy:Puddy and Elaine awkward silence on the plane — she offers him something to read, he declines; offers nap, declines; they sit in strained silence staring at the seat back

Elaine · Puddy · Magnus:We've been together two hours and we're having the same problems we had 12 hours ago. / Oh, tell me about it. I don't know why I ever took you back. / Oh, please. I took you back. / You know it. I know it. Vegetable Lasagne here knows it.

Elaine · Puddy:This has been the worst month of my life, and if I never see you again it'll be too soon. / Ditto. / Oh, that's original. / Go to hell.

Elaine · Puddy:Oh, no. / Hello. / Oh, no. / I'm sorry. / Oh, no. / No! [Elaine gets in the cab and finds Puddy already in it]

Puddy · Elaine:Puddy's accidental self-own: listing reasons he doesn't want to get back with Elaine — 'Hearing about how everyone at work isn't as smart as you. It's brutal.'

Puddy · Elaine:Puddy responds to Elaine's anger by telling her to take her clothes off: 'Get those clothes off. You're spending the night. We're gonna cuddle.' / 'What?' / 'You heard me: Strip.'

Elaine · Puddy:The extended awkward silence as Elaine apparently strips to cuddle with Puddy — conveyed through three separate [timestamp] beats of silence

Elaine · Puddy:Elaine breaks up with Puddy over a Reuben: 'I don't think so, David. We're through.'

Puddy:Puddy: 'That's a nice sweater.'

Elaine · Puddy:Puddy's breakup strategy: continuing to chat warmly while Elaine tries to leave — 'David, I know this hurts, but it's the way it has to be.' Puddy: [undisturbed]

Elaine · Puddy:Elaine breaks up with Puddy and immediately borrows $50 from him

Puddy · Elaine:The final exchange: Puddy declares 'We belong together' — then immediately says 'Elaine, I want to break up.' / Elaine: 'Nuts.'

Puddy · Elaine:You dumped me for some idiotic TV pitchman? / I'm sorry, Puddy. It was a mistake. Let's just put it behind us and we can continue as if this never happened. / Jeez, I don't know. What if we're out somewhere and you see the Maytag Repairman? / You're not taking me back?

Jerry · Elaine · Puddy:Elaine arrives with Puddy — 'Back together? / His apartment was being fumigated. We thought we'd give it another shot.'

Kramer · Puddy:Kramer calls Puddy for garbage disposal installation help — Puddy says it's a misprint on 'main line' vs. 'auxiliary line'

Puddy · Kramer:You gotta dismantle the latch hasp from the auxiliary drainage line. / No, it says main line. / It's a misprint.

Puddy · Elaine:Puddy is at Elaine's apartment and tells her about the balloon bouquet for Peggy: 'Yeah, he says you can just give it to him tomorrow when you see him.' / 'Balloon bouquet for who?' / 'Peggy took a turn for the worse.'

Puddy · Elaine:Puddy reveals he's a recovering germaphobe — 10 years — with a tattoo of a germ on his chest

Puddy:'Ten years ago, waking up next to a woman like this would have sent me running for the pHisoHex.'

Puddy · Elaine:'I still have trouble looking at those disgusting old bedroom slippers she slobs around in.' / 'Hey, I've had those since college. They're bunnies.'

Jerry · Puddy:So I decided I'm gonna go with a 900 convertible. / All right, classic. High-five.

Elaine · Puddy:Can you tell me where the Xerox machine is? / Oh, sure, babe. Salesmen-only copy room right there.

Elaine · Puddy:Puddy, this is a pretty good move for you. No more grease monkey. / I don't care for that term.

Puddy · Elaine · Jerry:I don't know too many monkeys who could take apart a fuel injector. / I saw one that could do sign language. / Yeah, I saw that one. / Koko. / Yeah, Koko. / Right. Koko. / That chimp's all right. High-five.

Puddy:Good news, we got a 900 in black. That's the hot colour. High-five.

Puddy · Elaine:Paper jam. Got it. / High-five. / On the flip side. / David, l... / Don't leave me hanging. / You're a salesman now. The high-five is... / It's very grease monkey.

Elaine · Puddy:But the high-five is just so stupid. / Oh, yeah? I'll tell you what's stupid. / You, stupid.

Elaine · Puddy:Oh, that is really mature. / Yeah? So are you. / You're the grease monkey. / That doesn't make any sense.

Elaine · Puddy:I am leaving. / Yeah, if you leave, we're through. / Fine, we're through. / Oh, so you're leaving? / That's right. High-five, on the flip side.

Jerry · Puddy:Did you two break up? / That chick's whacked.

Puddy · Jerry:Just left out a couple of things. Rustproofing. / Rustproofing? / Transport charge. / Storage surcharge. Additional overcharge. / Finder's fee. / Finder's fee? It was on the lot. / Yeah, that's right. / And floor mats, keys. / Keys?

Puddy:How are you gonna start it?

Puddy · Jerry:Well, I need your signature here...and we'll get you that yellow car ready to go. / Yellow? I wanted black. / I can't give you black at that price.

Elaine · Puddy · Jerry:Cab receipt. Hey, Puddy. / I'm with a customer. / No, no, no. Elaine, the car can wait. / What's important is you two getting back together. / Then we'll talk about the car.

Puddy · Elaine:I don't wanna get back with her. She's bossy. / David.

Jerry · Puddy:All right, all right, that's enough. Now, let's get back to my deal. / That undercoating, that's a rip-off, isn't it, David? / Oh, we don't even know what it is.

Jerry · Puddy:All right, all right, that's enough. Now let's get back to my deal. That undercoating, that's a rip-off, isn't it, David? / Oh, we don't even know what it is.

Jerry · Puddy:So I'm getting the insider's deal? / The insider's deal. / High-five.

Elaine · Puddy:Yep, I am ready to skate up a...

Elaine · Puddy:Why are you wearing that? / It's my winter coat. / A fur? / Is there a problem?

Joe Mayo · Puddy:Puddy, can you make sure nobody puts a drink on my sound system? / Sure thing, Joe Mayo.

Puddy:Yeah, I saw Jerry wearing his. He looked like a bit of a dandy.

Puddy:Check it out. Eight ball. 'You got a question? You ask the 8 Ball.'

Elaine · Puddy:You're gonna wear this all the time? / All signs point to yes.

Puddy · Elaine:Two and ten, babe. / Don't peel out.

Elaine · Puddy:So is it a problem that I'm not really religious? / Not for me. / Why not? / I'm not the one going to hell.

Elaine · Puddy:Why don't you just grab that one. / 'Cause that belongs to Mr. Potato Guy, that's his. / C'mon, get it. / Well if you want it, you get it. / Sorry, thou shalt not steal.

Elaine · Puddy:Oh, but it's ok for me? / What do you care. You know where you're going.

Elaine · Puddy:Alright, that is it! I can't live like this. / C'mon. / Alright, what did I do? / David, I'm going to hell! The worst place in the world! With devils and those caves and the ragged clothing! And the heat! My God, the heat!

Elaine · Puddy:What do you think about all that? / Gonna be rough.

Elaine · Puddy:You should be trying to save me! / Don't boss me!

Puddy:This is why you're going to hell.

Puddy · Elaine:You stole my Jesus fish, didn't you? / Yeah, that's right!

priest · Elaine · Puddy:Let me see if I understand this. You're concerned that he isn't concerned that you're going to hell. And you feel that she's too bossy. / Yeah, that's right.

Elaine · Puddy · priest:Woah, woah, woah! No one's getting married here. / You aren't? / No. / Oh.

Puddy:No way. This is bogus, man!