Frank Costanza

Frank:Frank's response to George's cover story: 'I told you not to give it to him.' — addressed to Mrs. Costanza, not even engaging with George's explanation.

Frank · George:Frank's butler-polishing scene — George is polishing shoes that Frank can already see his face in, but Frank is dissatisfied.

George · Frank · Estelle:The Costanza living room: they're watching TV, someone reads aloud 'Tommy Tune is a very good dancer' from the screen, leading to a completely mundane debate about tap-dancing

Frank · Estelle:Frank and Estelle Costanza are blown away that Mayor Dinkins discussed George: 'You discussed George with the mayor of New York? Dinkins was talking about you. He was DISCUSSING you!'

Frank · Estelle:Again with the pepper? What do you gotta use all that pepper for? Keep quiet. You trying to set my mouth on fire?

George · Frank · Estelle:We should take a trip. Maybe a cruise. Yes, a cruise. A long cruise. Just the two of you.

George · Estelle · Frank:Maybe it was a mouse. Okay, that's it! We're moving! I will not tolerate infestation. You haven't even seen one. Don't you understand? The very thought, the very idea. I'll never be comfortable again.

Frank · Estelle:What are they, too good for us? A raincoat salesman. I could buy and sell him, like that. The hell with them!

Frank · Estelle · George:But I can't find any of my vacation clothes. They were in the attic. The attic? You haven't worn any of those clothes for years. How can I go on a cruise without my cabana-wear? I love those clothes.

Frank · George:A mouse! I saw a mouse! It's the remote.

Frank · Kramer · George · Estelle:Hey. That shirt. Where did you get that shirt? What? That's my cabana shirt. You stole my shirt, you son of a bitch! George, your friends up in the attic, stealing my clothes! Give me that back. Give me that. Give me. I bought it from Rudy.

Frank · Estelle:What happens to charter tickets when you don't use them? Well, I suppose they're wasted. Yes, I suppose they are.

Rudy · Frank · George:You burned them? Those clothes are not yours to burn. Who are you, anyways? I'm the father. He said his father was dead. He said I was dead? That's right. Squeezed an extra $25 out of me. That's what my life is worth to him, $25?

Frank · Helen:I want you to know that I'm retracting our dinner invitation. You don't have to retract it. We never went. I'm retracting that it was ever offered. I retract your retraction.

Frank · Estelle:Frank and Estelle Costanza argue about whether anyone could possibly not like them, while Frank obsesses about the paella going to waste. 'What am I supposed to do with all this paella?'

Frank · Estelle:Frank vs. Estelle: 'Again with the pepper? What do you gotta use all that pepper for?' / 'Keep quiet.' / 'You trying to set my mouth on fire?'

Frank · Estelle · George:Costanza household: Estelle: 'I admire Morty and Helen going to France. We should take a trip.' Frank: 'Maybe a cruise.' Estelle: 'Yes, a cruise.' Frank: 'A long cruise.' George (under his breath): 'Just the two of you.'

Frank · George:Frank hears that someone was in the attic. George: 'Maybe it was a mouse.' Frank: 'Okay, that's it! We're moving!'

Frank · Estelle:Frank: 'I will not tolerate infestation.' Estelle: 'You haven't even seen one.' Frank: 'Don't you understand? The very thought, the very idea. I'll never be comfortable again.'

Frank · Estelle · George:Frank rants: 'First Kramer, then Elaine? It's a slap in the face... A raincoat salesman. I could buy and sell them, like that. The hell with them!' Estelle: 'The thing that bothers me the most is the lying.'

Frank · Kramer · George:Kramer shows up to the Costanza dinner wearing Frank's cabana shirt. Frank: 'That shirt. Where did you get that shirt? That's my cabana shirt. You stole my shirt, you son of a bitch!' George: 'Your friends up in the attic, stealing my clothes!'

Frank · Rudy:At Rudy's, Frank confronts the clothes-burner. Rudy: 'I'm the father.' Frank: 'He said his father was dead.' Rudy: 'He said I was dead?' 'That's right. Squeezed an extra $25 out of me.' Frank: 'That's what my life is worth to him, $25?'

Frank · Morty:Frank and Morty's confrontation at Rudy's: 'I want you to know I'm retracting our dinner invitation.' Morty: 'You don't have to retract it. We never went.' Frank: 'I'm retracting that it was ever offered.' Morty: 'I retract your retraction.'

Frank · Morty · Rudy:Rudy refuses to buy Morty's raincoats because of Frank's moth situation. Frank: 'Because of his moths, you're not buying my raincoats?' Rudy: 'That's right.' Frank (non-sequitur): 'I'm all ticklish.'

Frank · George · Kramer:I bought this record, but I can't seem to find the hi-fi. / I don't have a hi-fi. / I gave you my old record player. / I gave it to Cosmo. / Cosmo? Who's Cosmo? / I'm Cosmo.

Frank:One, two, cha-cha-cha.

Kramer · Frank:Kramer returns and exclaims 'Hey, we're twins!' — he and Frank are wearing the same shirt.

Kramer · Frank:So how you feeling? / A little tired. / Does your back hurt? / How did you know? / Well, it's obvious. You're carrying a lot of extra baggage up there.

Kramer · Frank:Listen, Frank, you ever considered wearing something for support? Now, look at this. Mind you, this is just a prototype. / You want me to wear a bra? / No, no. A bra is for ladies. Meet the Bro.

Frank · Kramer:'We gotta do something about the name.' 'Why? What's wrong with Bro?' 'Bro is no good. Too ethnic.'

Frank · Kramer:'How about the... The Mansiere.' 'Mansiere?' 'That's right. A brassiere for a man. The Mansiere. Get it?'

George · Frank:Frank ignores George's plea to talk ('Dad, we need to talk') — cutting immediately to the pitch meeting with Sid Farkus.

Frank:I wouldn't be caught dead in Ban-Lon.

Sid Farkus · Frank:Say you're getting intimate with a woman, you don't want her fumbling and struggling back there. / I think we've all experienced that.

Frank:"Summer nights." — Frank's wistful non-sequitur response to the intimate scenario.

Sid Farkus · Frank:But would it be okay with you if I were to ask her out? / You want to go out with my wife? Where do you get the nerve to ask me that?

Frank · Kramer:Frank explodes: 'You want to go out with my wife? Where do you get the nerve to ask me that?' and immediately cancels the business deal.

Frank · George · Kramer:Jerry took the couch back. / He took it back? / Didn't you tell him I was using it? / Oh, I pleaded with him.

George · Frank:I thought Jerry didn't want that couch because of the stain. / What stain? / Oh, you didn't notice? It has a pee stain. / You had me sleeping on a pee-stained couch? / No. No, no. The cushion was turned over. But the very idea. You had me lying in urine!

Estelle · George · Frank:Sid Farkus. / Sid Farkus? / You're not having dinner with a bra salesman. / Hey, he only sells them, he doesn't wear them.

Frank · George:Okay. That's it. I'm not coming home. / But you can't stay here. There's no place to sleep.

Frank · George:Kasha? / No, thanks, Dad.

Estelle · Frank:You can't face the fact that I'm improving myself. / You're not the only one improving yourself. I worked out with a dumbbell yesterday. I feel vigorous.

Frank:Don't 'Frank' me. I know what you did. How dare you stop short with my wife?

Frank:Oh, my God. [BEAT — the fusilli Jerry has apparently been sat on or otherwise inserted]

Frank · Estelle · George:The proctologist? Are you okay? — Yeah. — Oh, I was so worried. — Ma, don't cry! — Oh, I can't help it! — Ma, your eyes!

Frank:To a woman?

Frank · Estelle · George:What does she look like? / I'm sure she's gorgeous. / What difference does it make? / Is she pretty? / Yes. What difference does it make? / I'm just curious! / She's not pretty?

Frank · Estelle · George · Susan:Frank Costanza panics over Susan's zipper: 'All right. All right. Let's not get into panic mode! Let's not make a big deal out of this, or we'll never get through it.'

Frank · Estelle · George:Frank criticizes George's thin tie, claiming to know tie fashion from Seventh Avenue: 'They're wearing wide now.' / 'How do you know what kind of ties they wear?' / 'Go to any office building on Seventh Avenue and tell me if there's anyone there wearing a thin tie like that.'

Frank:Frank insists on a marble rye from Schnitzer's: 'I'll show these people something about taste.'

George · Frank · Mrs. Ross:'This is delicious, Mrs. Ross.' / 'Why are you complimenting her? She didn't make it. Rowena did.'

Frank · Mr. Ross:'What is that, like a little chicken?' / 'No, it's not a little chicken.' / '"Little chicken." No, it's a game bird.'

Frank · Mr. Ross:'What do you mean, like, you hunt it?' / 'Yes.' / 'How hard can it be to kill this thing?'

Frank:'Merlot? I never heard of it. Did they just invent it?'

Frank · Mr. Ross:Frank's chicken/rooster/hen sexual logic: 'Let me understand. You got the hen, the chicken and the rooster. The rooster goes with the chicken. So who's having sex with the hen?' / 'We'll talk about it another time.' / 'But you see my point here? You only hear of a hen, a rooster and a chicken. Something's missing!'

Mr. Ross · Frank:'They're all chickens. The rooster has sex with all of them.' / 'That's perverse.'

Mr. Ross · Frank:Mr. Ross attempts to change the subject: 'So has anybody seen Firestorm?' followed by the spoiler argument.

George · Frank · Estelle:George's post-dinner complaints: 'The mother seems to hit the sauce pretty hard. I didn't like that.' / 'And who doesn't serve cake after a meal? What kind of people? Would it kill them to put out a pound cake?'

Frank · Estelle:'It's not impolite. It's stupid, that's what it is. You gotta be stupid to do that.' / 'Your father is absolutely right.'

Frank:'We're sitting there like idiots, drinking coffee without a piece of cake.'

Estelle · Frank · George:The discovery that Frank took back the marble rye: 'You stole the bread?' / 'What do you mean? It's my bread. They didn't eat it. Why should I leave it there?'

Frank:Frank's paranoid insistence: 'No, they didn't forget to put it out. It's deliberate. Deliberate, I tell you!'

Frank · Morty:Are you telling me there's not one condo available in all of Del Boca Vista?! / That's right. They went like hotcakes.

Frank · Estelle · George:We're moving to Florida. / What? / You're moving to Florida?! / Ah-ha! / That's wonderful! I'm so happy! [beat] For you! I'm so happy for you!

George · Frank · Estelle:So you're moving there for spite. / Absolutely. / No one tells Frank Costanza what to do! / That's right! Who the hell are they?! How dare they?

Estelle · Frank · George:That's right! Who the hell are they?! How dare they? Yeah! Ha-ha.

Morty · Frank:This is Frank Costanza. What do you want? / You think you can keep us out of Florida? We're moving in lock, stock and barrel. We're gonna be in the pool. We're gonna be in the clubhouse. We're gonna be all over that shuffleboard court. And I dare you to keep me out!

George · Frank · Estelle:You know what the temperature in Florida is today? Seventy-nine. That's almost 80. Yeah, I read someplace, the life expectancy in Florida is 81. And in Queens, 73.

Frank · Estelle:What about your side? Your cousin Henny. She was sickly from the moment I met her. / Don't you talk about Henny!

George · Frank:Frank, if Aunt Baby were alive today, how old would she be? / She'd never make it.

Frank · Estelle:Well, after talking to you, we realized we may not have much time left. So we're blowing it all.

Kramer · Frank:George, your parents can't blow their savings in this community. It's low-rent. We feel that Florida is really the place where they should be. / You can drop a grand in Disney World like that.

Kramer · Frank:Hey, Frank. / Yeah. / You got two beds in here. / That's right. That's me on the left.

Frank · Kramer:Thirty years ago we came to an agreement. The only way I could get some rest. / Really? / Estelle has got the jimmy arms.

Kramer · Frank:You can get that in your arms? / Like you wouldn't believe.

Frank · Estelle:It's too late. We bought a condo at Del Boca Vista. We're leaving tonight.

Estelle · Kramer · Frank:Cosmo, are you sure you're gonna be all right here alone? / Oh, yeah, I got Emily coming over tonight. / You're letting him have a woman over? / He's not family. It's different psychologically.

George · Estelle · Frank:Hey, it's Georgie. / Let me put your father on the phone. / Ma. / Who's this? / Dad, it's me.

George · Frank · Estelle:Listen, I was at Fortunoff's the other day and you know what... ...you were right. / Chinese food. / Sorry, George, our Chinese food just came. Talk to you later. / Chinese food?

George · Estelle · Frank:Just dropped in for a visit. / You never called me back. / Oh, the phone broke.

Frank · Estelle:It's creative black tie. / Move, woman.

Frank:Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna make love to your mother.

George · Estelle · Frank:Wait. What's he saying? / I think he's saying Son of Sam. / Oh, my God! / I thought they caught him. / I knew it wasn't Berkowitz.

George · Frankie · Frank · Estelle:Hey, what is that? / That van's a-rocking. / Then don't go a-knocking. / Oh, my God! / Oh, my God!

Frank · Estelle · George:What you saw in the van was a natural expression of a man's love for his lady. / Your father's right. It's beautiful. And it was safe. / Oh, God. / Now, if you'll excuse me, once again, your mother and I... / Oh, make it stop.