High School Reunion

You gave me a dollar ten. Oh, I'm sorry. Too late.

Oh, no. Louie's going to play his favorite song. Oh, no. Every time he's in a bar. Yeah. 'The Green Berets.'

Why is he playing that song? It's different. It's not any better, but it's different.

He's giving me a feeling.

With a twist. Gee, I'm sorry. We're out of that.

Well, there's a man who knows what he likes.

Hey, uh, Beverly... listen, I got some bad news. I went to the doctor. He told me I only had 40 years to live. I don't know what to do with all that time, so would you go out with me Saturday night?

It's because I was kidding around, huh? I have this terrible habit... I like to make girls laugh. Kitchy-kitchy... There, I did it again.

I mean, if I was a secretary on Wall Street, I wouldn't go out with the stockbrokers. If I was in a factory, I wouldn't go out with factory workers. If I was a nurse in a hospital, I wouldn't go out with the sick people.

No. You mean you wouldn't go out with doctors. Hey, I have my rules, but I'm not crazy.

Louie, I'll give you a buck, you don't play that song again. Okay.

So what are you losers up to? That was obnoxious? Yeah. Yeah. Okay, okay.

That's the first time I ever apologized.

So what? I don't go to my high school reunions. Who wants to sit around and watch a bunch of guys sucking in their stomachs?

I used to just stand there and wait for the last guy to take his shot.

And the world has never come to an end, but that doesn't mean we root for it to happen.

Alex, you got something on your shirt. That!

There was this guy in my high school, Lou Vanelli... He used to tear your chest hair out with his bare hands. Gee, I miss those days.

Okay, get ready to sob your spleens out. I went to my high school senior prom alone.

April love? Is for the very young.

I tell them my date was delayed. She couldn't make it until after her Broadway show's curtain came down.

If you're trying to make me feel better how about being a little bolder?

She looked just like a beautician.

and I saw they had a high chair there.

I says to them, 'Okay, you did it. You got me good. Enjoy yourselves.'

and make them all eat crackers, if you know what I mean.

I'm not sure being a taxi dispatcher is enough to do the job.

You know, I can't believe you just said that, Louie. It's true. Yeah, I know, but, like, incredible.

Sometimes, when you're yelling at me, I can't concentrate on what you're saying 'cause what I'm concentrating on are your character traits... You know, the way your eyes pop out, and the way that vein stands out in your neck, and the spit that gets in the corner of your mouth.

I'm too complex a person. You can't be me.

You can't talk like me. You can't talk like me.

It's a weird thing. I shot up in college. They wrote it up in all the medical journals.

Who we kidding? It wasn't so hot the first time.

But what? You're surprised I'm too big for the high chair?

Well, uh, that's one of the purposes of this evening. To figure it out.

Till I stand, and you hear the rattle of $70 in change.

Haven't you heard? The news is full of it. Packs of wild dogs roaming the streets. I just thought you might want someone along to hurl his body at them.

And they say rejection isn't fun.

Alex, I'd love to come. I'd like you to come, but I know how you feel about cab drivers, and I respect you. I respect you, Beverly. I really do.

Oh, great. They promoted you from busboy.

That means that I make $20,000 a year. That's just in salary. I make another $40,000 in tips, of which I declare about $10,000, which gives me the equivalent of about $100,000 a year.

Well, not nearly as good, I'm afraid to say. I've only got a civil service job. I'm an auditor for the Internal Revenue Service.

Not a good night for you, is it, Stan? Especially with you being on your way to jail and everything.

Ooh! You even spilled something on your tie. Where? There.

You are quite a man, Louie De Palma. I figure you're about 100 proof yourself, Sheila.

That was Stanley Tarsus. Him? He was... Oh-ho! Bobby did it. Bobby did it. It really worked. I never thought it would, 'cause it was the craziest stunt in the world.

All these mo-mos trying to learn how to do my steps, wishing they were with my girl.

I just want to touch Sheila's hair. I've always wanted to do that ever since high school. Don't do it, Louie. Why not? What harm could it do?

Oh! Whoa! Whoa!

I don't know about anybody else, but I'm really enjoying myself! Thank you!