Elaine And The Monk

Considering gestation period and average litter size...about eight months...uh...you've got 162.

No, I got 165, Jim! 165! What was I thinking of?

I feel about this big. Jim, you were off by three. Oh, go ahead, lady, rub it in.

Anyway, uh, a chinchilla coat costs thousands of dollars, so I'm on easy street as soon as those little guys start to shed.

I hate to be the one to break this to you, Banta, but they don't shed.

and Rocky One, Rocky Two, Rocky Three, and Toots and Joey and Groovy...

Tony, Tony! You named all of them? I had to have something to put on their bowls.

Look what I got, everybody. A monk.

When I was a reverend, I used to wear a robe myself, but it didn't look like that. What-What did it look like? This.

He can't talk. He has taken a vow of non-communication. See? Oh, oh... He can't even do this.

Are we going to get wild or crazy? You know, talk? Sure.

Oh, that's easy. Oops.

How do I look? You look wonderful.

Oh, but I cannot keep it when I go back to the monastery. That-That's the good part. Eh, we get it back when you leave.

So, what are you going to do first? Slouch. At the monastery, they are such sticklers for posture.

I-I want to thank you for bringing silence into my life.

Do you dance? Yes. I thought so. The man is a smoothie.

I would love to listen to somebody really talented play the gruck. Oh, well, I wonder where we could find someone who knows how to play the gruck.

Well, your cousin Zifka! Oh, that's right! Well, maybe he needs just a little bit of encouragement to play the gruck!

Did you know that at the age of 12, he was the second gruckist in the national symphony?

I knew it. He's been staring at your headlights all night.

Well, in that case, I dedicate this song to Elaine's headlights.

Well, here I am in the same old rut: going out dancing with a monk.

I'm busy.

Were you singing 'I'm a Pepper, he's a Pepper'?

Oh, Alex. I-I'll be leaving New York tonight. I'm going back to the monastery, so... so I'll be... won't be seeing you again. So, I just wanted you to know I'll be praying for you to find a little bit more happiness.

He's like a Smurf.

'I love Zifka'... That's like saying, 'I love Bomba.' 'I love Cheetah.'

So, he's been celibate for ten years. So? So... he may find it difficult to be with a woman. No problem.

How could I be mad at you? You're just jealous that you have no love in your life.

Isn't life crazy, Elaine? You know, one minute, you're in New York kissing a beautiful girl, and then the next, back at the abbey rolling cheese balls.

Can you at least stick around? Lots of couples don't talk to each other.

I'm sorry; I didn't mean to make you smile.