A Taxi Celebration 2

Mike Beldon:I didn't mean it that way...

Mike Beldon:Okay, fine. It was totally a come-on.

Woman passenger:I'd feel like a call girl taking money for a ride.

Woman passenger:Actually, I'd feel like a bad call girl—I didn't do anything!

Mike Beldon:You would've gotten the night of your life.

Mike Beldon:Followed by a very uncomfortable morning.

Louie:You wanted to meet me?

Zena:Yes.

Louie:

Louie:Yeah, Zena and I had another one of those nights.

Alex:Another one of those nights? Louie, you've been married to Zena for years. What kind of nights?

Louie:You know... passionate, wild, unforgettable...

Zena:We watched Wheel of Fortune and fell asleep by nine.

Alex:You don't have any stories.

Louie:What are you talking about? I got plenty of stories.

Alex:No, you don't.

Louie:Yes, I do!

Alex:Louie, you have no stories.

Louie:You're right. I got nothing.

Alex:You're seeing Zena!

Louie:I am not!

Alex:You are too!

Louie:I'm not!

Alex:Then why are you getting so defensive?

Louie:I'm not getting defensive!

Alex:It's even worse - he won't even hold her hand

Alex:Louie, you know what your problem is? You can't handle a good woman.

Louie:Alex, I need your advice. My girlfriend wants me to choose between her and my mother.

Alex:Oh, that's easy, Louie. Here's what you do: You tell your girlfriend you choose her. You really mean it. You look her right in the eye and you say, 'I choose you.' Then you go home and call your mother every day for the next six months.

Alex:You know what your problem is, Louie? You're too nice. You let people walk all over you. Next time someone disrespects you, you should just haul off and punch them in the mouth.

Louie:Yeah? You really think so?

Zena:Who is the other woman?

Louie:Donna Summer.

Zena:Donna Summer? The singer?

Louie:That's right. We've been dating for three months.

Zena:Louie, that's ridiculous.

Louie:It's true! She calls me every night. We go to the most exclusive restaurants. Last week she rented out the entire Copacabana just for us.

Zena:Louie...

Louie:And she's teaching me to dance. We're getting married in Vegas next month. Frank Sinatra's going to be the best man.

Zena:You think I'm too good for you.

Louie:No, you're too good in general.

Louie:I can't think of being physical with Zena. Every time I try, all I can think about is... the horizontal filing system.

Louie:Why are you nuts about me?

Zena:Everyone in her life is asking the same question

Zena:He respects me.

Louie:Hey, hey, hey! Watch the merchandise!

Louie:So you go home and cry after our dates?

Zena:Yeah.

Louie:Well, maybe I could come up sometime and we could cry together.

Louie:Wait, wait, wait. You want me to come up to your apartment?

Zena:Yes, Louie. Come on.

Louie:Now? Right now?

Zena:Yes, now.

Louie:I can't go now. I'm not ready. I didn't prepare. I need to go home, take a shower, get a haircut, see a psychiatrist...

Louie:Stop this elevator! Stop it! Let me out of here!

Zena:Give me a goodbye kiss.

Louie:Give me a goodbye kiss.

Zena:Well, that was nice. See you around.

Louie:

Jim:I had this dream about you, Alex. You're gonna die.

Jim:You're gonna be hit by a taxi.

Jim:A yellow taxi.

Jim:On a Tuesday.

Jim:At 3:47 in the afternoon.

Jim:The driver's name is gonna be Sal.

Jim:He's gonna be eating a pastrami sandwich.

Jim:On rye bread.

Jim:With mustard. Not mayo.

Jim:And he's gonna be listening to the Bee Gees.

Alex:This prophecy is ridiculous. I'm not worried about any of this.

Alex:See? Nothing's going to happen.

Louie:Alex, you just choked on your water.

Alex:Hello?

Caller:Is this Mary?

Alex:No, this is Alex.

Caller:Oh, I'm sorry, I must have the wrong number.

Alex:Wait - that's the second prediction that's come true today!

Alex:You know what? I'm done running from fate. If this is what the universe wants, then I'm going to embrace it. I'm going to dance the cancan right here, right now, in this outfit.

Alex:Because apparently, that's what I normally do anyway.

Alex:Well, I'm still here.

Louie:You're a bum! You can't predict nothing!

Alex:Thanks, Louie.

Louie:Don't mention it.

Alex:I won't.

Louie:AHHHHHHH!

Elaine:I'm not going to share my fantasy with you.

Elaine:But let me tell you, it is AMAZING. It's incredible. You have no idea how incredible it is. It would blow your mind.

Alex Rieger:Another hand? We play poker every night.

Bobby Benson:So what? It's fun.

Alex Rieger:Fun? Bobby, we play the same game, the same stakes, with the same people, in the same garage, night after night after night. How is that fun?

Louie De Palma:Because we keep winning your money, that's how.

Unknown character · Elaine:Elaine, we're trying to play cards here. Come on! Buzz off.

Louie:Yes, sir. Of course, sir. Right away, sir. Whatever you say, sir.

Louie:You got it, sir. No problem at all, sir.

Louie De Palma:You know, I've been thinking about something. This whole show, these characters, this cab company... it's all just a big joke, ain't it? And who's the punchline? Me. I'm the punchline. But you know what? I don't care. Because at least I'm getting paid. So thanks for watching, suckers. Now get outta my office!