The Interview

Hank:Well, it was-- It was gross, all right.

Larry:When they called you to the places. Did they say, uh, 'Mr. Vaughn, and the rest of you dinosaurs.'

Larry:Hank doesn't even have a fire, let alone irons.

Vince:Are you for real? Because you are. And next month, there's gonna be another flavor. Jerk.

Hank:don't let that toothless Ukrainian guy near it. Only give the keys to caro-- to caro!

Hank:Oh, who knows how long these gay cruises last. They're in international waters. They can do anything.

Beverly:I just hit Hank's car.

Mary Lou:You're not parked anywhere near Hank's car. You're in another lot.

Beverly:I know. I'm such a bad driver.

Beverly:It was really big and foreign, kind of like a big boat.

Mary Lou:You hit his bentley.

Beverly:Is that bad?

Artie:I thought I smelled hype in the air.

Norman:Not for the prince of P.R.

Norman:Larry Sanders poolside. You know, 'Legend in repose.' Sunlight makes the legend squint.

Artie:How 'bout in the living room on the couch? You know, 'Larry in the living room on the couch.'

Norman:We go way back. Please...Don't ask. Please don't tell.

Norman:We were lovers in '88 and again in '92.

Norman:It was hot-- Heh heh-- very hot.

Hank:I can't go to the habitat for fucking Humanity banquet in a dented bentley because some shitbag smashed into my fucking car!

Hank:It was Vince fucking vaughn.

Hank:my guess would be west hollywood. [Laughing] Unlisted. Like anyone gives a shit.

Beverly:I get into a lot of accidents. Like, I don't know why. I just do. I have 5 or 6 a year. Or 7. Sometimes I get in-- It was 7 this year.

Hank:You get in 5 or 6 accidents a year, and your car is a... It's a jetta. I'm-- I'm sorry.

Beverly:What?

Hank:It's an '85 jetta.

Hank:And you are asking me to equate that with a $200,000 handcrafted bentley?

Beverly:Is how great I thought you were on the 'shabad' telethon this year.

Hank:Oh. Thanks.

Beverly:It's 'chabad.'

Hank:No one really knows how hard chabad is. I mean, 10 minutes of dancing that hora... That's a fucking marathon.

Larry:I'm actually wearing a #40 Emotional block right now.

Arthur:It's your reflection in my eyes.

Larry:This house was actually in architectural digest, and then I think it went to its head.

Larry:It was designed mostly for interviews like this, so that's great.

Larry:I cried. Now I'm fucked.

Arthur:It was a manly misting.

Larry:Why not just televise my shrink sessions?

Arthur:They never edit out the crying. That's the come shot.

Arthur:All dinners are business dinners.

Beverly:Well, maybe i'll leave the knife out for you.

Hank:You got a crush on me.

Arthur:Are you telling me that I have a bottle of champagne waiting at home for nothing?

Hank:Find some dog shit, take it over to the fox lot, and smear it on Vince vaughn's car.

Beverly:Hank, have you lost your mind?

Hank:Is that a yes?

Black-bottom pool for hollywood showbiz parties. Movie star like yourself.

Larry:fuck that. It's like a spider convention out there.

Larry:It's weird coming from saturday night live 'cause, uh, on the sitcom now I'm the only backstabber in the room.

Arthur:You stay away from her, shorty.

Beverly:Marylou, he is planning to put dog poop on vince vaughn's car.

Jimmy Belushi:He blubbered like a fucking baby. No. I mean, it was the funniest goddamn thing you'd ever want to see.

Jimmy Belushi:What a pussy. Pussy, man.

Hank:Well...Fondue. I mean, any retard can melt cheese.

Hank:Look at us. We're like a choo-choo here.

Larry:He brought me another cat. And, uh--

Hank:I gotta record this. I gotta record this. I gotta record this.

Larry:he had this cat and he named it patches, but yet it was, um, all one color...

Larry:I think it was a tree. I don't know. I couldn't even ask him because it would hurt his feelings...

Hank:It was a tree.

Beverly:I hit your car.

Hank:Dear mr. Vaughn: I am sorry about the shit I put on your car.

Hank:Women-- what are you going to do? By the way, I thought swingers was a hoot and a half.

Vince:When I broke up with her, she kept leaving dead stuff on my porch for about 6 months. Mainly squirrels.

Arthur:They feel closer to you.

Larry:I-- I can't live like this.