Pilots and Pens Lost

Phil:Yeah. Well, they say If you're going to quit, You better do it Early in the day.

Phil:It's about a bunch of guys In a ska band in seattle.

Very dark. Dark like friends?

Artie:You hear that sound, phil? I believe that's The needle breaking On the bullshit-o-meter.

Did you say 'frigging'?

Artie:I'm trying to cut down On my cuss words.

Mother call?

Artie:Yeah. Yeah. She says hello.

Artie:Of 'my shoe in your rectumitis.'

Hank:Like cher's ass.

Hank:It's all tears, cartwheels, And a hard-on.

Network Executive:How would you feel If one of the characters Was black?

Network Executive:Well, we got in our head Now that he's black, So we started calling him Keshaun.

Jonathan Katz:I said, 'thank you. I've been sitting All day.'

Hank:I have been on stand-by For my own phantas For 5 1/2 years now.

Dave Chappelle:Who the fuck am i, hootie?

Dave Chappelle:Maybe that's why They're sleepless.

Dave Chappelle:Every week A patron is murdered! I got to solve it. Kind of like a hip-hop Crime-solving type thing.

Artie:Oh, man, this is a bic. I'm talking about A rare black pen.

Hank:It's not that I'm worried That, uh... Larry likes you More than he likes me, Because, you know-- fuck it-- You know, we both know he does.

Hank:He's such a cheap fucker.

Beverly:He went down, He got in his own car. He drove there. He parked it. He got out. He walked in the doors, And he pulled out His own personal Credit card?

Artie:[Artie crying after learning about the lost pen]

Dave Chappelle:First I'm hootie, Now I'm fucking kunte kinte, The deejay?

Bridget Fonda:Cocksucker? I don't know. Mother fucker? I don't know.

Larry:Is the whole family Like this?

Hank:Slide it under, Asshole.

Sid:Nice going, dipshit.

Hank:Give me my pen back, Schmuck.

Hank:By the way, I already have A travel clock.

Bridget Fonda:He's got A very firm ass.

Hank getting Bridget to sign autograph 'on his lap'

Artie:Take your dick Out of your ear, You little troll.

Larry:You know What he means By his 'office?' No.

Hank:The van.

Artie:Christ is king.

Phil:I swear on my mother's life That I was just sick.

Artie:From the guy That gives out $10,000 pens? Who does that?

Larry:That's a ph-1,000. That's the top Of the line. I gave you the, uh, One that cost 500.

Larry:But I'm sorry you're out For $10,000?

Larry:Ha ha. What the fuck?

Larry:It'll be a $29,000 story.