Marge writes a romance novel with characters based on Homer and Ned Flanders that becomes a hit. Meanwhile, Homer gets fired from the power plant again and becomes an ambulance driver.
WAR
79
Wins Above Replacement
“Diatribe Of A Mad Housewife” ranks #121 of 552 The Simpsons episodes on the Humor Index, scoring 82.4 — Elite. The episode packs 85 scored jokes at 4.0 per minute, averaging 7.1 on craft and 6.8 on impact, with Homer landing the most laughs. Every joke is ranked below with its individual craft and impact scores.
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Top Jokes
Homer: I swore never to read again after to kill a mockingbird gave me no useful advice on killing mockingbirds.
Homer Character Comedy Absurdist ★ Rewatch Ned Flanders: Dear lord, please make homer's blows precise and deadly with a minimum of pain. Oh, and forgive me for those impure thoughts I had about the girl on the raisin box.
Marge: For temperance, the days passed on... as did seven of her ten children.
Marge Dark/Subversive Misdirection ★ Rewatch Homer: The end of your book was the wake-up call I needed after falling asleep at the beginning of your book.
Homer Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm ★ Rewatch Homer: Now for that happy period between the lie and the time it's found out.
Homer Character Comedy Observational ★ Rewatch All Jokes — 85 analyzed
Show all ↓ Hide ↑ Homer Running Gag Character Comedy Homer: Let's see. I'll have 16 gravy scrape 'ems, a bucket of twisty lard, and two super-choker breakfast burritos with macho sauce.
Homer Absurdist Observational ★ Rewatch Squeaky-voiced teen: I could also deep-fry the bag.
Homer: Great. And I'll have a diet coke-- deep-fried.
Homer Irony/Sarcasm Absurdist ★ Rewatch Homer Physical/Slapstick Visual Gag Homer: I'll have to steer by the reflection in my watch!
Homer Absurdist Physical/Slapstick Homer: Why don't I just pull over?
Homer Irony/Sarcasm Character Comedy Homer: can't stop! Krusty collectible toy jammed under brake pedal!
Homer Absurdist Physical/Slapstick Security system: intruder detected. Calling local police. (busy signal) line busy. Shutting down.
Mr. Burns: We're well-protected against every threat, from bomb-toting bolsheviks to golden-armed jazzbos.
Mr. Burns Character Comedy Wordplay/Pun ★ Rewatch Homer: Oh, no! I hit the grief counselor!
Homer Dark/Subversive Irony/Sarcasm Grief counselor: Promise... me... you'll report this.
Mr. Burns: Consider yourself fired!
Homer Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement Bart: I'm gonna taunt the phd'S.
Bart Character Comedy Observational Bart · PhD students: Hey, guys, I heard an assistant professorship just opened up. Oh! Where? Ooh! At the university of... psyche!
Groundskeeper Willie: When it happens in a book, it's romantic. But, when willie tries to kiss ya, you're all pepper spray and fingernails.
Marge: Marge simpson, longtime reader, first-time stander-upper.
Marge Wordplay/Pun Character Comedy Esme Delacroix: Just a class at the 'y'-- yale university.
Marge: If I write a book, will they tell me when it comes out?
Marge Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement Homer: I'll steal this sign, and they'll pay me to make them a new one!
Homer Character Comedy Absurdist Car salesmen: We'll clean out those stupid americans.
Homer · Marge: Did that salesman cut one during the test drive? Yeah. And, for some reason, he turned on the radio to cover up the smell.
Homer: I bet a lot of hippies were denied care in this thing. Injuhippies.
Homer Wordplay/Pun Dark/Subversive Ambulance siren: Buy me! Buy me! Buy me!
Homer: You work at the nuclear plant. Get with the program, marge. Your husband is now an ambulance driver.
Homer Character Comedy Absurdist Homer: Maybe on planet zoozoo.
Homer Absurdist Character Comedy Bart · Lisa: Hey, I think it's cool. I can defibrillate lisa! Not if I pump your heart full of morphine first!
Marge: Those aren't your toys. They're to keep daddy asleep and awake.
Marge Character Comedy Observational ★ Rewatch Marge · Homer: Homer, you left two jobs and bought an ambulance without even a phone call. I also fed some ducklings. I know. I got your message.
Marge · Homer: I'm writing a novel! Whatever. But I think you look great already.
Marge: A novel about whaling. That's something you haven't seen before.
Marge Irony/Sarcasm Observational ★ Rewatch Marge: 'Swim, swim, swim,' thought the whale, flapping his... floppers.
Marge Character Comedy Wordplay/Pun Marge: Mayor quimby, disco stu, and our fighting men and women overseas. Well, I finished the 'thank yous.'
Marge Observational Absurdist Marge: Temperance barrows stared at the sea like a dog stares at a ham.
Marge Character Comedy Observational Patient · Homer: For the third time, the hospital. You're an ambulance, not a taxi!
Bart · Homer: Why don't you just admit you don't know where the hospital is. Why don't you admit I know it's around here somewhere!
Marge: For temperance, the days passed on... as did seven of her ten children.
Marge Dark/Subversive Misdirection ★ Rewatch Marge: This family has not seen whale meat for a onemonth.
Marge Character Comedy Wordplay/Pun Marge Dark/Subversive Irony/Sarcasm ★ Rewatch Marge/Temperance: Ooh, it has colored my teeth a healthy brown.
Patient · Homer: We're not paramedics! I'll say.
Marge: Temperance had to face the unhappy truth she had married a brute. Hey, baby. I've returned from portsmouth. Now let me put my tongue down yourmouth.
Marge Character Comedy Cringe/Discomfort ★ Rewatch Marge: a seagull? The whales weren't biting, okay?
Marge Character Comedy Absurdist Marge: This story is as dark as those new milky way bars. Ooh, that's a good analogy. I'll work it in somewhere.
Marge Meta/Self-Referential Observational ★ Rewatch Ned Flanders: If so, then I guess I'm just a cave man. If they existed, which they didn'T.
Marge: Nantucket is an island? What do you know? It is!
Marge Character Comedy Observational Marge/Drunk husband: Hey, baby, I know we work together, but I think you're hot.
Marge/Temperance · Marge/Cyrus: prithee, tell me thou art not a sodomite. Nope, not even a gomorrahian.
Marge/Cyrus: I've got an overpowering urge to see you... with your hat off.
Marge/Temperance: Pretty much. We wrote our own vows.
Marge/Cyrus: and to think my mother had one of those.
Marge: And it's so suggestive. But like they say, 'snuggling sells.'
Marge Character Comedy Wordplay/Pun Bart · Lisa · Marge: Let's kiss boys. Binge and purge. Rock and roll! You're not gettin' out till we're 16!
Lisa: Captain mordecai stared at the shop window full of powdered blowholes. 'Mmm, blowholes,' he drooled.
Lisa Character Comedy Callback Callback Homer: here in my car I am hosing off blood some of it's mine but most of it's not
Homer Dark/Subversive Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Homer: It's double-spaced. Whoo-hoo, I'm halfway through!
Homer Character Comedy Observational Homer: Does anyone ever get 'tracted?' Let me call the suicide hot line and ask them.
Homer Absurdist Dark/Subversive ★ Rewatch Homer: No! They were all, in their own way, totally awesome.
Homer Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Homer: They were all, in their own way, totally awesome.
Homer Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement Homer: As I've always said: 'Publish or perish'!
Homer Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Homer: Now for that happy period between the lie and the time it's found out.
Homer Character Comedy Observational ★ Rewatch Publisher: Thomas pynchon loved this book! Almost as much as he loves cameras.
Tom Clancy: Hell no I wouldn't ! What do you mean I just said it? That doesn't count!
Lisa · Bart: What if they parody it on mad tv? We're doomed.
Lisa Bart Meta/Self-Referential Observational Marge · Dr. Monroe: Dr. Marvin monroe?! I haven't seen you in years. Oh, I've been very sick.
Dr. Monroe: and on page 72, temperance's name changes to marge for three paragraphs.
Moe: And could you space out the meat so that it spells 'happy birthday, moe'?
Moe Character Comedy Cringe/Discomfort ★ Rewatch Apu: Oh, mr. Homer, anything for a cuckolded boob... I mean, uh, loyal customer.
Apu Character Comedy Cringe/Discomfort Homer · Apu: Well, then, maybe I will! If you do, you'll see she lusts for flanders.
Homer: I swore never to read again after to kill a mockingbird gave me no useful advice on killing mockingbirds.
Homer Character Comedy Absurdist ★ Rewatch Homer: It did teach me not to judge a man based on the color of his skin, but what good does that do me?!
Homer Character Comedy Dark/Subversive ★ Rewatch Callback Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen: As read by mary-kate and ashley olsen? Take it, ashley. Bummer. I didn't knowpeople were sad in the past.
Marge · Homer: You told me you liked it! You didn't rit at all! You lied to me! I didn't lie. I was writing fict with my mouth.
Homer: Well, I'll make sure you never imagine anything again!
Homer Character Comedy Dark/Subversive Ned Flanders · Homer: What are you doing here? Stealing doormats.
Marge/Cyrus: You wouldn't kill the father of your next child, would you? Oops.
Marge/Captain: now that your boyfriend's dead, I'm free to be selfish, drunk, emotionally distant, sexually ungenerous, pissy...
Homer · Ned Flanders: flanders, pull over! I'm an ambulance! Well, he's got me there.
Ned Flanders: Dear lord, please make homer's blows precise and deadly with a minimum of pain. Oh, and forgive me for those impure thoughts I had about the girl on the raisin box.
Ned Flanders: Just call me ann flanders!
Homer: Why would I rub her back unless I wanted to get some... oh, to make her feel good.
Homer Character Comedy Misdirection Homer: The end of your book was the wake-up call I needed after falling asleep at the beginning of your book.
Homer Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm ★ Rewatch Homer · Marge: Lee harvey oswald wanted to steal the jack ruby. Jack ruby was a man, not a jewel.
Chief Wiggum: all right, we're back to square one. Put on some coffee. I was so close.
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