When a group of singles, seniors, childless couples, teens and gays band together to protest having to accommodate families (including paying property taxes used to teach children they do not have) after a riot at a children's concert, Marge takes up the cause for the families, with some help from Bart and Lisa.
WAR
31.7
Wins Above Replacement
“Marge Vs Singles Seniors Childless Coupl” ranks #449 of 552 The Simpsons episodes on the Humor Index, scoring 74.0 — Great. The episode packs 64 scored jokes at 3.4 per minute, averaging 6.5 on craft and 6.5 on impact, with Homer landing the most laughs. Every joke is ranked below with its individual craft and impact scores.
Get weekly comedy rankings
Join comedy fans getting new analyses, score drops, and the funniest moments each week. Free, no spam.
Top Jokes
Chief Wiggum: This is it, boys. We'll have to tummy-kiss our way out. (BLOWING TUMMY KISSES)
Bart · Principal Skinner: Please, make me write something on the chalkboard a thousand times! / We all got tired of that chalkboard years ago.
Mr. Burns: Oh, unfenced backyard pools, where would I be without you?
Announcer · Tinky Winky: And now, our opening act, in their first live show since Tinky Winky was acquitted of manslaughter. / Not guilty!
Lindsay Naegle: Ladies and gentlemen, let's kill every child... ...friendly thing in town!
All Jokes — 64 analyzed
Show all ↓ Hide ↑ Homer: D'oh! (SCREAMING) (BRAKES SCREECHING)
Homer Running Gag Physical/Slapstick ★ Rewatch TV Host: Oh, crikey! She's got me by the dangle-down!
TV Host Wordplay/Pun Cringe/Discomfort Homer · Marge: Hey, I'm watching that! / Not anymore.
TV Announcer: We'll also show you how to turn a shoebox into a you-box.
Homer · Marge: Oh, I missed the feeding frenzy. I hope you're happy. / Obviously, yes.
TV Characters: Bobby, I got propane in my urethra. / We'll be right back with Who Will Marry a Million Bears!
Lisa: Mom, that's Roofi. His music is why babies are idiots.
Lisa Character Comedy Observational Marge: Well, Maggie likes Roofi. And babies only like good things.
Marge Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Bart: (IN PIG LATIN) Ap-cray. Ap-cray.
Bart Wordplay/Pun Character Comedy Homer · Marge: it's on batteries. / Backed up by solar power.
Marge · Homer: Look, Maggie. Funny Daddy! (GROANING)
Bart · Principal Skinner: You don't understand. I can't go home. You got to give me detention. Look! I fed the gerbil coffee!
Bart · Principal Skinner: Please, make me write something on the chalkboard a thousand times! / We all got tired of that chalkboard years ago.
Lisa · Marge · Homer: Her eyes aren't focused. / it makes her happy. / So does sucking on the dog.
Roofi: If you don't come, Roofi will be sad. And the helpful bear, she will die!
Roofi Dark/Subversive Absurdist Homer · Maggie: Give Daddy the remote, Maggie. Give Daddy the... D'oh! / Oh, wise guy, eh?
Marge · Other Mom: I got them fair and square and I kept my dignity, not like Janie's mom. (nose twisting noise) / Whatever.
Homer: This concert is oversold. It's as if a music promoter acted unscrupulously.
Homer Irony/Sarcasm Observational Announcer · Tinky Winky: And now, our opening act, in their first live show since Tinky Winky was acquitted of manslaughter. / Not guilty!
Homer: They make The Blue Man Group look like Mummenschanz, which is still pretty good.
Homer Observational Character Comedy Marge: Oh, no! It's raining! And Maggie's diapers are extra absorbent.
Marge Observational Visual Gag Roofi: You kidding me? Did you make funny faces? You did? Well, did you jiggle your keys? I did it all, man!
Roofi Character Comedy Escalation Roofi: Ow! Okay, who threw that? Who threw it?
Roofi Physical/Slapstick Cringe/Discomfort Reporter · Tyler: Tyler, is there a peaceful solution possible? (TYLER COOING)
Roofi: Five, six, so long, hicks!
Roofi Character Comedy Escalation Lou · Chief Wiggum: I don't feel right clubbing women and children, chief. / I hear ya. Some days are tougher than others. Just close your eyes and club.
Chief Wiggum: This is it, boys. We'll have to tummy-kiss our way out. (BLOWING TUMMY KISSES)
Kent Brockman · Cletus: I ain't fungified hidee-hoo about no legrification noways, then scratched his rear, hitched up his pants, and scratched his rear again.
Mayor Quimby: Kabul refuses to be our sister city anymore. I have no sister city!
Man in crowd: My loose change!
Lindsay Naegle · Audience member: Singles Seniors Childless Couples and Teens and Gays against Parasitic Parents. / Catchy name.
Lindsay Naegle: Save your breath for blowing up water wings, breeder.
Lindsay Naegle: I dream of an America with nudity and F-words on network TV! Where the whole world doesn't stop because a school bus did.
Parent · Lindsay Naegle: We never would've had these kids if we thought we had to pay for them! Promises were made! / Tough tortellini!
Restaurant owner: I'm sick of printing a children's menu! Let Mickey Meatball find his own way out of the maze!
Parent · Lindsay Naegle · Another parent: Then how would we ever get to see Camelot? / We'll merely watch the movie on tape! / Is that better? / To me, Ralph Wiggum is Sir Lancelot.
Lindsay Naegle: Ladies and gentlemen, let's kill every child... ...friendly thing in town!
Comic Book Guy: (SQUEAKY VOICE) it's time to put away childish things (DEEP VOICE) and become a man!
Kent Brockman · Child · Kent Brockman: From now on, children acting up in public places will be lightly tased. / Mommy, pick me up. (ELECTRICITY CRACKLING) / I wasn't kidding.
Marge: And I wouldn't trade her for all the sleep-in Sundays and speed dating in the world.
Marge Character Comedy Observational Lindsay Naegle: Well, Lisa, I would be proud if one of the eggs I sold turned out like you.
Lisa · Lindsay Naegle: Also Maggie puked in your purse again. / Poor me. All my purse is full of is disposable income.
Child · Mother · Child: Mom, can we get a pretzel? / We've got pretzels at home. / Not cinnamon.
Dr. Hibbert: PPASSCCATAG is also a disease of the brainstem. That's how I'll remember it.
Passerby: The only petitions that I sign are to bring back canceled sitcoms. Thank you. America needs the wisdom of Herman's Head now more than ever.
Passerby Observational Meta/Self-Referential Tobacco Lobbyist · Marge · Tobacco Lobbyist: Now we own you! / But I haven't endorsed it yet! / Football injury.
Mr. Burns: Yes. Particularly their supple young organs.
Mr. Burns: Oh, unfenced backyard pools, where would I be without you?
Fake Marge: (IMITATING MARGE) I'm Marge Simpson, and even I'm against 'Families Come First.' Now it's time to do some coke off the blade of a knife.
Fake Marge: Now it's time to do some coke off the blade of a knife.
Homer: Maybe she was you and you're not!
Homer Absurdist Character Comedy Homer: And when you can't finish a sandwich, I eat that sandwich.
Homer Character Comedy Observational Homer: I'll come down on those guys like the garage door on Bart's bike!
Homer Visual Gag Character Comedy Homer: But newspaper writers are a bunch of jerks. Who really opposes 'Families Come First?' Many childless advocates are like Ben Affleck. Famous, successful people from out of state!
Homer Observational Character Comedy Homer: Many childless advocates are like Ben Affleck. Famous, successful people from out of state!
Homer Observational Character Comedy Homer: For more information, visit our Web site, www.al-jazeera.com. We're not affiliated. We're just piggy-backing on their message board.
Homer Absurdist Meta/Self-Referential Homer · Campaign worker: It says, 'Yes on 232.' We want no on 232! Yes on 242! Either way. The important thing is the system works.
Bart · Lisa · Bart: Hey, I'm the visionary. You come up with the nuts and bolts. / You don't even know what the idea is. / I know you have an ugly face.
Bart · Lisa: You don't even know what the idea is. I know you have an ugly face.
Child · Another child · First child · Adult voter: I love you. / I love glue! / I love you! / Aw! Such a sweet little thing. Time to destroy your future.
Random Child: I love you. I love glue! I love you!
Voter: Feeling flu-ish, fever, nausea, child germs. No. Must participate in democratic process.
Voter Character Comedy Observational Narrator: For all their disposable income, for all their leisure time, they had no immunity against God's lowliest creatures, children.
Homer · Bart · Homer: Great. Let's dump these kids in an R-rated movie while we go someplace nice. / Can I bring my laser pointer? / What do I care?
Top Episodes — The Simpsons
