She Used To Be My Girl

Marge:It helps if you wrap it in a slice of cheese.

Homer · Marge:Free cheese! / Homer, that was for the dog.

Homer:What's happened to us, Marge? We used to feed each other cheese and laugh all night.

Marge:Then came the heart attacks.

Homer:The circus! / A media circus. / I don't know the difference!

News Reporter · Christian Science Monitor Reporter:ABC, CBS... the Christian Science Monitor has a flat tire. / I'll get the spare. / No. We must wait for God to jack us.

Mayor Quimby:Kent, I'm hiding nothing... Except this puppy.

Mayor Quimby · Kent Brockman:Look into his eyes and tell me I'm lying. / Well, I'm placated, and so are all my friends in the local media.

Chloe Talbot · Kent Brockman:Hey, Kent, run over any more pedestrians? / Those records are sealed.

Chloe Talbot · Homer · Lisa:I didn't think anyone successful came from Springfield. / What about that two-headed goat? / Technically, he was born in Shelbyville. / Yes, but he came here to die.

Chloe Talbot:One of you ate tin cans, one of you ate health food. How you solved crimes, I'll never know.

Woman · Mayor Quimby:You're the major? / That's mayor, you fertile moron.

Kent Brockman:Channel Six News rocks. A car chase every night, or the weather girl wears a tube top. / And if she doesn't, you win a pizza.

Lisa:You made a chore wheel that's both fair and wise.

Bart:Mayor Quimby is my father. Give me one million dollars.

Mayor Quimby:Only if it is submitted in writing. / Checkmate.

Chloe Talbot · Marge:Paris? Just like you always dreamed. / Terrace. Evergreen Terrace. The street that smells like pee.

Chloe Talbot:Hey, only the lame-os stay. / And your mother.

Italian Caterer · Homer:You insult me, you insult Italy. / Which is shaped like a boot. / Who knew?

Band Member · Homer:I remember you from high school. You barfed in my tuba. / I believe it was the school's tuba.

Homer · Marge:My back pain's completely cured. / That was one too many.

Marge:We finally found out why the dog was scooting around on his butt all day. / Turns out he had an impacted anal gland.

Chloe Talbot · Bob Dylan:So Bob, what religion are you converting to now? / Well, I'll tell you one thing... shalom.

Chloe Talbot · Krusty the Clown:I thought he was dead. / Yeah? I guess you ain't been to too many supermarket openings lately.

Snake:The only reason we don't move out of this dunghill is because of my court-ordered ankle bracelet. / I'm here! I'm here! Quit buggin' me.

Homer:This is the dance the Chinese government makes dissidents perform before they shoot them.

Homer:I swallowed a chicken bone.

Chloe Talbot · Homer:Did you just swallow another bone? / Same one.

Homer:It's like Christmas in Aspen.

Moe:I'll teach you to give me my first job out of prison.

Principal:In this box marked 'honoree,' fill in your names. And over here, write in what you did. I'll be back.

Marge:Oh, that Moe.

Young Barney:I love you, Chloe... and I love you too, brake fluid.

Marge:Why would Homer write his name in grime?

Homer:Good news, Marge! I've learned to walk naked on stilts!

Tom Brokaw · Kent Brockman:You want your mic back, local anchor? / This just in... I'm pissed off!

Kent Brockman:You want your mic back, local anchor? This just in... I'm pissed off!

Homer:You're like the electrical tape that holds the two halves of my car together.

Homer:You know what would be a good name for Maggie? Chloe!

Homer:You're like the electrical tape that holds the two halves of my car together.

Chloe Talbot:Morley Safer has the biggest head I've ever seen.

Bart · Marge:I mean the lava part, not saving Lisa. / Pretend to care!

Chloe:She's glaring at us from the front lawn.

Marge:How dare you show my daughter a life of fun and possibility?

Marge:Keep your dish-washing hands off the Armani!

Marge:For your information, our electric dishwasher is on the fritz. / Not that you care about the ups and downs of my appliances. Do ya? Huh, do ya?

Marge · Chloe:I'm going to show you some moves I learned from G. Gordon Liddy! I'm so sick of names!

Homer · Marge:There is no need to fight over me. / No one's fighting over you! / Oh. Well, then, carry on.

Homer:Sometimes when your mom has half a glass of wine, she goes cuckoo bananas.

Bart:Thinking is for losers!

Tom Brokaw:I'll give you a first-round bye.

Marge:I know you're mad at me, but I hope you're not mad at Cap'n Crunch.

News director:Don't we have a reporter who specializes in natural disasters? Yeah, he's busy covering Julia Roberts' last haircut. But seriously, he's dead.

Chet:Let's see. I've been to Afghanistan, Serbia, Lebanon... / Okay, okay, I lied. I shoot wedding videos / Just Fort Worth!

Homer:I'm growing ashamed of my penis.

Homer:What do women want?!

Homer:Okay. I'll run as fast as I can, but I'm full of potato salad.

Chief Wiggum:In fact, I don't even know why I'm here. This lava is not a criminal. It hasn't hurt anybody. / Anybody I know.

Chief Wiggum:Yeah, but I'm a cop first... then a boat enthusiast... amateur historian... yo-yo dieter... then I'm a cop again...

Lisa · Homer · Chloe Talbot · Marge:Actually, when it's underground, lava is called magma. / You're so smart, Chloe! / Walter Cronkite told me the same thing. / Shut up!

Marge:Don't worry. We've got two hours before it burns down to my head.

Barney · Chloe Talbot:How 'bout a half hour of pity sex? / Is there any other kind?

Barney · Chloe:How 'bout a half hour of pity sex? Is there any other kind?

Bart · Marge:I mean the lava part, not saving Lisa. Pretend to care!

Bart · Marge:I mean the lava part, not saving Lisa. / Pretend to care!

Marge:No!

Lisa:Praying to Buddha, Jesus, SpongeBob. There's no time to be picky.

Homer · Bart:Perhaps we should help. / Screw her!