Marge meets up with a former high-school pal who is now a famous news anchor, and she wonders if she made the right life choice.
WAR
58.5
Wins Above Replacement
“She Used To Be My Girl” ranks #170 of 552 The Simpsons episodes on the Humor Index, scoring 81.0 — Elite. The episode packs 68 scored jokes at 4.0 per minute, averaging 7.0 on craft and 6.7 on impact, with Homer landing the most laughs. Every joke is ranked below with its individual craft and impact scores.
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Top Jokes
Young Barney: I love you, Chloe... and I love you too, brake fluid.
News director: Don't we have a reporter who specializes in natural disasters? Yeah, he's busy covering Julia Roberts' last haircut. But seriously, he's dead.
Marge: Then came the heart attacks.
Marge Dark/Subversive Deadpan/Understatement Bart · Marge: I mean the lava part, not saving Lisa. Pretend to care!
Bart Marge Character Comedy Dark/Subversive ★ Rewatch Chief Wiggum: Yeah, but I'm a cop first... then a boat enthusiast... amateur historian... yo-yo dieter... then I'm a cop again...
All Jokes — 68 analyzed
Show all ↓ Hide ↑ Marge: It helps if you wrap it in a slice of cheese.
Homer · Marge: Free cheese! / Homer, that was for the dog.
Homer: What's happened to us, Marge? We used to feed each other cheese and laugh all night.
Homer Character Comedy Absurdist ★ Rewatch Marge: Then came the heart attacks.
Marge Dark/Subversive Deadpan/Understatement Homer: The circus! / A media circus. / I don't know the difference!
Homer Wordplay/Pun Character Comedy News Reporter · Christian Science Monitor Reporter: ABC, CBS... the Christian Science Monitor has a flat tire. / I'll get the spare. / No. We must wait for God to jack us.
Mayor Quimby: Kent, I'm hiding nothing... Except this puppy.
Mayor Quimby · Kent Brockman: Look into his eyes and tell me I'm lying. / Well, I'm placated, and so are all my friends in the local media.
Chloe Talbot · Kent Brockman: Hey, Kent, run over any more pedestrians? / Those records are sealed.
Chloe Talbot · Homer · Lisa: I didn't think anyone successful came from Springfield. / What about that two-headed goat? / Technically, he was born in Shelbyville. / Yes, but he came here to die.
Chloe Talbot: One of you ate tin cans, one of you ate health food. How you solved crimes, I'll never know.
Woman · Mayor Quimby: You're the major? / That's mayor, you fertile moron.
Kent Brockman: Channel Six News rocks. A car chase every night, or the weather girl wears a tube top. / And if she doesn't, you win a pizza.
Lisa: You made a chore wheel that's both fair and wise.
Lisa Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement Bart: Mayor Quimby is my father. Give me one million dollars.
Bart Character Comedy Absurdist Mayor Quimby: Only if it is submitted in writing. / Checkmate.
Chloe Talbot · Marge: Paris? Just like you always dreamed. / Terrace. Evergreen Terrace. The street that smells like pee.
Chloe Talbot: Hey, only the lame-os stay. / And your mother.
Italian Caterer · Homer: You insult me, you insult Italy. / Which is shaped like a boot. / Who knew?
Band Member · Homer: I remember you from high school. You barfed in my tuba. / I believe it was the school's tuba.
Homer · Marge: My back pain's completely cured. / That was one too many.
Marge: We finally found out why the dog was scooting around on his butt all day. / Turns out he had an impacted anal gland.
Marge Cringe/Discomfort Character Comedy Chloe Talbot · Bob Dylan: So Bob, what religion are you converting to now? / Well, I'll tell you one thing... shalom.
Chloe Talbot · Krusty the Clown: I thought he was dead. / Yeah? I guess you ain't been to too many supermarket openings lately.
Snake: The only reason we don't move out of this dunghill is because of my court-ordered ankle bracelet. / I'm here! I'm here! Quit buggin' me.
Snake Character Comedy Dark/Subversive Homer: This is the dance the Chinese government makes dissidents perform before they shoot them.
Homer Dark/Subversive Absurdist Homer: I swallowed a chicken bone.
Homer Character Comedy Physical/Slapstick Chloe Talbot · Homer: Did you just swallow another bone? / Same one.
Homer: It's like Christmas in Aspen.
Homer Character Comedy Absurdist Moe: I'll teach you to give me my first job out of prison.
Moe Dark/Subversive Character Comedy Principal: In this box marked 'honoree,' fill in your names. And over here, write in what you did. I'll be back.
Principal Cringe/Discomfort Observational ★ Rewatch Marge Reaction Beat Character Comedy Young Barney: I love you, Chloe... and I love you too, brake fluid.
Marge: Why would Homer write his name in grime?
Marge Visual Gag Character Comedy Homer: Good news, Marge! I've learned to walk naked on stilts!
Homer Absurdist Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Tom Brokaw · Kent Brockman: You want your mic back, local anchor? / This just in... I'm pissed off!
Kent Brockman: You want your mic back, local anchor? This just in... I'm pissed off!
Homer: You're like the electrical tape that holds the two halves of my car together.
Homer Character Comedy Observational Homer: You know what would be a good name for Maggie? Chloe!
Homer Character Comedy Cringe/Discomfort Homer: You're like the electrical tape that holds the two halves of my car together.
Homer Character Comedy Cringe/Discomfort ★ Rewatch Chloe Talbot: Morley Safer has the biggest head I've ever seen.
Bart · Marge: I mean the lava part, not saving Lisa. / Pretend to care!
Chloe: She's glaring at us from the front lawn.
Chloe Visual Gag Character Comedy Marge: How dare you show my daughter a life of fun and possibility?
Marge Irony/Sarcasm Character Comedy Marge: Keep your dish-washing hands off the Armani!
Marge Escalation Cringe/Discomfort Marge: For your information, our electric dishwasher is on the fritz. / Not that you care about the ups and downs of my appliances. Do ya? Huh, do ya?
Marge Cringe/Discomfort Escalation Marge · Chloe: I'm going to show you some moves I learned from G. Gordon Liddy! I'm so sick of names!
Homer · Marge: There is no need to fight over me. / No one's fighting over you! / Oh. Well, then, carry on.
Homer: Sometimes when your mom has half a glass of wine, she goes cuckoo bananas.
Homer Character Comedy Observational Bart: Thinking is for losers!
Bart Character Comedy Observational Tom Brokaw: I'll give you a first-round bye.
Marge: I know you're mad at me, but I hope you're not mad at Cap'n Crunch.
Marge Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement ★ Rewatch News director: Don't we have a reporter who specializes in natural disasters? Yeah, he's busy covering Julia Roberts' last haircut. But seriously, he's dead.
Chet: Let's see. I've been to Afghanistan, Serbia, Lebanon... / Okay, okay, I lied. I shoot wedding videos / Just Fort Worth!
Chet Escalation Misdirection Homer: I'm growing ashamed of my penis.
Homer Absurdist Character Comedy Homer: What do women want?!
Homer Character Comedy Observational Homer: Okay. I'll run as fast as I can, but I'm full of potato salad.
Homer Character Comedy Physical/Slapstick Chief Wiggum: In fact, I don't even know why I'm here. This lava is not a criminal. It hasn't hurt anybody. / Anybody I know.
Chief Wiggum: Yeah, but I'm a cop first... then a boat enthusiast... amateur historian... yo-yo dieter... then I'm a cop again...
Lisa · Homer · Chloe Talbot · Marge: Actually, when it's underground, lava is called magma. / You're so smart, Chloe! / Walter Cronkite told me the same thing. / Shut up!
Marge: Don't worry. We've got two hours before it burns down to my head.
Marge Dark/Subversive Deadpan/Understatement ★ Rewatch Barney · Chloe Talbot: How 'bout a half hour of pity sex? / Is there any other kind?
Barney · Chloe: How 'bout a half hour of pity sex? Is there any other kind?
Bart · Marge: I mean the lava part, not saving Lisa. Pretend to care!
Bart Marge Character Comedy Dark/Subversive ★ Rewatch Bart · Marge: I mean the lava part, not saving Lisa. / Pretend to care!
Marge Visual Gag Character Comedy Lisa: Praying to Buddha, Jesus, SpongeBob. There's no time to be picky.
Lisa Observational Escalation Homer · Bart: Perhaps we should help. / Screw her!
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