The Simpsons' pooch, Santa's Little Helper, becomes a police dog.
WAR
49.8
Wins Above Replacement
“Stop Or My Dog Will Shoot” ranks #128 of 552 The Simpsons episodes on the Humor Index, scoring 82.1 — Elite. The episode packs 60 scored jokes at 4.3 per minute, averaging 6.8 on craft and 6.8 on impact, with Homer landing the most laughs. Every joke is ranked below with its individual craft and impact scores.
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Top Jokes
Wagon Wheel Maker · Tourist: Wagon wheels were the Internet of the 19th century! Really? No.
Homer: How come things that happen to stupid people keep happening to me?
Homer Irony/Sarcasm Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Homer: In case I don't make it, here are my Oscar picks for next year. Best Sound Effects Editing: the team from...
Homer Character Comedy Absurdist ★ Rewatch Bart: Corn. More corn. Another kid getting thrown in the air. Witch's coven. Seattle Space Needle. Amateur production of You Can't Take It With You
Bart Absurdist Escalation ★ Rewatch Homer: Don't... give... snake... attention. It's what... he really... wants!
Homer Character Comedy Absurdist All Jokes — 60 analyzed
Show all ↓ Hide ↑ Bart: Pearls are not oyster barf
Bart Observational Deadpan/Understatement ★ Rewatch Festival Worker · Homer: Sorry, sir, this is a harvest festival. No alcohol. I'm gonna have to confiscate those steins.
Wagon Wheel Maker · Tourist: Wagon wheels were the Internet of the 19th century! Really? No.
Homer · Cornucopia Owner: Styrofoam? You stuffed your horn?! What? Everybody does it.
Witness · Local: I can testify at the trial. Ain't gon' be no trial.
Homer: Where the hell is Abigail Adams?! Oh, there she is. Where the hell is Mary Todd Lincoln?! Oh, she's right there. Where the hell is Ida Saxton McKinley?!
Homer Escalation Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Homer: Puh! I didn't come here to be insulted. We're leaving!
Homer Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Homer · Lisa: Sure is a lot of corn in this parking lot. Dad, we're in the maze.
Homer Character Comedy Reaction Beat ★ Rewatch Bart: Corn. More corn. Another kid getting thrown in the air. Witch's coven. Seattle Space Needle. Amateur production of You Can't Take It With You
Bart Absurdist Escalation ★ Rewatch Homer: Split up?! Marge, no! We can fix this marriage!
Homer Misdirection Character Comedy Homer: Before I met you, I had friends and dreams! Oh, please take me back. The dating scene is a nightmare. I'm begging you!
Homer Character Comedy Escalation Homer: Of our marriage?! I don't want to live! I don't want to live...!
Homer Escalation Character Comedy Callback Homer: Hey, this maze is made of corn!
Homer Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement Sign Text: Electrified for your enjoyment. Signs also electrified.
Homer: How come things that happen to stupid people keep happening to me?
Homer Irony/Sarcasm Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Lisa · Homer: No, you didn't. Your plan was to burn the corn. That was never my plan.
Lisa Homer Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement Homer: I don't have any holders!
Homer Character Comedy Absurdist Chief Wiggum: We'll send a member of our elite canine unit in to find your husband's corpse. Uh, living corpse.
Lou: Chief, I'm afraid Officer Jaws is guilty of littering... and here's the litter!
Lou Setup/Punchline Visual Gag Marge: He just needs it for walking upstairs.
Marge Character Comedy Cringe/Discomfort ★ Rewatch Homer: In case I don't make it, here are my Oscar picks for next year. Best Sound Effects Editing: the team from...
Homer Character Comedy Absurdist ★ Rewatch Homer: I don't think he's ever thought about anything.
Homer Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement Homer: No, and never bring it up again! Please, can he? All right.
Homer Character Comedy Escalation Police Trainer: For the next two weeks, I'm gonna be your worst enemy, except this Thursday is the Fourth of July, so we'll take Friday off as well. Well, I guess Wednesday everybody's going to be thinking about the long weekend, so...eh, what the hell? Why don't we just take the whole week off?
Police Trainer: Why did you let me do that? We are so far behind.
Chief Wiggum: Whoa, whoa, whoa. 'Blow'? 'Cage'? You're in uniform, Lou. Don't slang it up.
Chief Wiggum: Keep your noses clean and your hearts free of worms.
Lou: It ain't like Air Bud V: Strong Arm Of The Paw.
Lou Observational Character Comedy Cletus's Wife: You gave that hog a day of beauty, and I didn't get nothing! Manicure... pedicure... exfoliation!
Cletus's Wife · Cletus: Is you man or turtle? Here's your answer. Skittle, skittle, scurry, skittle.
Bart: I even have to eat my own homework.
Bart Wordplay/Pun Character Comedy Lou · Chief Wiggum: Chief, why are you using the walkie-talkie? I can hear you fine. Fine. Let's not use any of our police equipment.
Steroid Buyer: I want to pump my guns. I want to rip my pecs. I want to shriv my nards.
Lou: Nobody ever freezes. Might as well just say 'run.'
Lou Observational Deadpan/Understatement ★ Rewatch Drug Dealer: Guilty... of being innocent!
Drug Dealer: Don't worry, dude, I'm going straight... straight to my customers to sell more drugs.
Homer: Now that he's had a taste of human flesh, the dog will be a slave to its succulence. Look at him eyeing me. He knows I taste best.
Homer Character Comedy Escalation Lou: Me, I knit violent imagery. Pretty grim, huh?
Lou Visual Gag Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Bart: What if Santa's Little Helper stops being a police dog, then he can get a nonviolent job like barking songs on novelty Christmas records.
Bart Character Comedy Absurdist Bart · Lou: No, boy, that's Hanukah! Forget it, kid. He's a cop now.
Homer: Oh, relax, Marge. I'm just messing with you. I know I'm not a dog. I'm a people, like you.
Homer Character Comedy Absurdist Lou: They don't love us. They just love the uniform.
Lou Character Comedy Observational Pet Store Employee: We'll get you their most vicious street cur! He'll bite your ass raw!
Pet Store Employee · Homer: Our pythons cost five dollars a foot. We're not made of money!
Bart: It says here don't bother naming them. Snakes have poor hearing, and only live to strangle. I like it. 'Strangles.'
Bart Dark/Subversive Character Comedy Bart · Lisa: He's not slimy at all. He's scaly. Eww! He is slimy! That's because I soaked him in slime!
Bart · Lisa: He's not slimy at all. He's scaly. Eww! He is slimy! That's because I soaked him in slime!
Homer: Well, I can breathe out okay.
Homer Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement Homer: Don't... give... snake... attention. It's what... he really... wants!
Homer Character Comedy Absurdist Competition Participant: After months of practice, I have trained my rabbit to hop in perfect tempo to Mussorgsky's immortal Pictures at an Exhibition.
Bart: Hey, don't ask me to show if you can't handle the tell.
Bart Wordplay/Pun Character Comedy Female Teacher · Male Teacher: Mine was as funny as his. No one's arguing with you, lady.
Chief Wiggum · Lou: I taste the flavor. It's a very mild mint. Well, maybe, because it's a minty color, your mind is fooling your tongue. I know what I taste!
Teacher: Children, line up according to height. No, weight. No, the sum total of the letters in your last name if each letter is assigned a numeric value according to its place in the alphabet. Quickly, now!
Teacher Escalation Absurdist ★ Rewatch Chief Wiggum · Lou: He's not following his nose this time. He's following his heart. Sometimes I forget why you're chief, but I remember now!
Bart: Oh, man, it's like some chemicals cut one.
Bart Character Comedy Cringe/Discomfort Strangles: Sorry, but a boy's got to go with his dog. If he hurts you again, don't call me.
Bart: Who am I kidding, I'll always be there for you.
Homer: That'll do, snake. That'll do.
Homer Callback Character Comedy Top Episodes — The Simpsons
