Apocalypse Cow

Krusty:Hey, hey, kids! It's a beautiful, sunny Saturday morning. So get ready for six hours of cartoons!

Announcer:Trans-Clown-O-Morphs Transforming clowns that morph Sent to Earth to defeat the evil Dino-Robo-Bots

Trans-Clown-O-Morph:Buy my cereal, find the secret code inside and text me the message 'start the day with Kellogg's' - or I will die.

Trans-Clown-O-Morph:Hurry! Guess no one's buying my cereal. Buy or I'll die.

Marge:Every week we have to buy something else to save that transforming clown that morphs.

Bart · Commercial:Mom, we need a Callaway titanium perimeter-weighted driver! - It adds yards to any swing.

Marge:Lisa, I've got a big bunch of black banas. You know what that means. Bana bread!

Bart:Oh, no, I hate the beanbag store. The clerks are always shouting in Hebrew on their cell phones.

Homer:Don't you worry about Wikipedia. We'll change it when we get home. We'll change a lot of things.

Homer:Hey, check it out! I wouldn't mind driving that over a prairie dog village.

Bart:Martin?! What's a tool like you doing on something cool like that?

Martin:Indeed, it has the most finger loss of any youth organization.

Homer:Son, a lot of these youth organizations encourage parents to get involved in the activities. - Not this one. - Sold!

Bart:I pledge my head to clearer thinking, my heart to greater loyalty, my hands.. oh, man, how many 'H's' does this thing have?

Homer:Raise articulator, set hydraulic brakes and endorse farm subsidy check for crops I didn't grow.

Bart:I didn't come here today expecting to fall in love.

Bart:looks like we're partners. You're a scrappy little misfit, just like me.

Bart:Anyone want to trade? No reasonable offer refused. I'll take a chicken.

Mary:Oh, I thought she was peeing out of her nipple.

Mary:That's great. It rhymes 'moo.'

Homer · Judge:Now son, I'm not here to judge. - Actually, yes, you are. - Eh, what? Oh, right, I am.

Bart:But he won! Why don't you kill the loser cows?

Judge:Oh, we will, but your cow gets to go first.

Bart:Mom, they're going to kill Lou and make him into food and fringe vests for gay cowboys.

Homer:Son, let this be a lesson: never work hard and don't form emotional attachments. Also, don't be a cow.

Bart:Leave me alone! It's not my fault there's nothing good to eat on this planet except meat!

Bart:If I could save Lou, I'd never eat meat again. Not even prosciutto and melon!

Bart:That wasn't my conscience mooing, it was... Tress MacNeille!

Bart:Sorry, Lis. I can't be a vegetarian. I love the taste of death.

Lisa:Stop stirring your lemonade with a sausage.

Lisa:Milk is murder. Cheese is genocide.

Bart:Aw, man, I never figured the gate would be locked. It's like they knew we were coming.

Windsong · Bart:Yeah, it's my code name. This is Compost and this is Solar Panel. What's my code name? Lisa's Brother.

Windsong:Lisa's Brother.

Windsong:Forgive us for this violation, Mother Fence. We honor your chain-link spirit.

Bart:I don't care how much of a pumped-up freak you are. I still love you. The way Barry Bonds' kids probably still love him.

Bart:That was a practice cow.

Cletus:Howdy, what's yours that mine's is Cletus?

Cletus:She had a regular city birth in a gas station.

Cletus:According to the traditions of the hill folk, by giving our daughter a cow, you've made a formal proposal of marriage.

Bart:I can't get married. I'm only ten. And I have dreams. I got 1580 on my DQAT.

Mary · Bart:DQAT? - Dairy Queen Aptitude Test. 800 ice cream, 780 Brazier.

Mary:I wished I had a tail what did swap away flies. Mine just hangs there.

Cletus:We always figured someday Mary would marry. That's why we called her Mary.

Cletus · Stabbed-in-jail:We name all our kids after what we think's gonna happen to 'em. Ain't that right, Stabbed-in-jail?

Stabbed-in-jail:We'll see who stabs who.

Ned · Homer:What was that for? - Bart's in trouble and we don't need your stupid comments. - Zippin' it up.

Brandine:Something old... something new, something burrowed, and something stew.

Brandine:you just got cold feet... 'cause you're barefoot and our floor's made of mud.

Bart:Kiss?! I thought we were just getting married.

Preacher:And since we don't need to hear from women folk what they think, I now pronounce you...

Marge:He still sits in the driveway and pretends to drive the car.

Brandine · Cletus:Don't feel bad, sweetie. I was 13 when I married your father. - Yeah, and you'd already been divorced four times.

Homer · Bart:Sweetie, don't you think your mom might have a trick up her sleeve? - No. - Trust me. - D'oh! I mean, moo!

Homer:Ooh, 'Laughter House.' With the world in the shape it's in, we could all use some comedy.

Marge:In India, your cow will be treated like a god and receive the food and medical care that in America would go to human beings.

Bart:Lou, if that plane leaves the ground and you're not on it, you'll regret it. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but soon, and definitely after they kill you and make you into sloppy joes.

Bart:Here's looking at you, cud.

Homer:that sounds like Tress MacNeille.

Homer:It makes me never want to eat meat again. Just fish, chicken, burgers, veal on Fridays, deer, but only in season and if necessary, the sweetest meat of all: human.

Bart:You're in a better place now, Lou, and I'll always be proud that for once in my life, I had a cow, man.