Bart joins the 4-H club and raises a calf to be a blue-ribbon-winning bull, but panics when he learns the bull will be slaughtered.
WAR
39.3
Wins Above Replacement
“Apocalypse Cow” ranks #274 of 552 The Simpsons episodes on the Humor Index, scoring 78.5 — Elite. The episode packs 61 scored jokes at 3.8 per minute, averaging 6.7 on craft and 6.6 on impact, with Bart landing the most laughs. Every joke is ranked below with its individual craft and impact scores.
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Top Jokes
Homer: It makes me never want to eat meat again. Just fish, chicken, burgers, veal on Fridays, deer, but only in season and if necessary, the sweetest meat of all: human.
Homer Escalation Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Martin: Indeed, it has the most finger loss of any youth organization.
Martin Dark/Subversive Deadpan/Understatement ★ Rewatch Homer: Son, let this be a lesson: never work hard and don't form emotional attachments. Also, don't be a cow.
Homer Character Comedy Escalation ★ Rewatch Cletus: According to the traditions of the hill folk, by giving our daughter a cow, you've made a formal proposal of marriage.
Cletus Absurdist Setup/Punchline Homer: Ooh, 'Laughter House.' With the world in the shape it's in, we could all use some comedy.
Homer Dark/Subversive Misdirection ★ Rewatch All Jokes — 61 analyzed
Show all ↓ Hide ↑ Krusty: Hey, hey, kids! It's a beautiful, sunny Saturday morning. So get ready for six hours of cartoons!
Krusty Observational Character Comedy Announcer: Trans-Clown-O-Morphs Transforming clowns that morph Sent to Earth to defeat the evil Dino-Robo-Bots
Trans-Clown-O-Morph: Buy my cereal, find the secret code inside and text me the message 'start the day with Kellogg's' - or I will die.
Trans-Clown-O-Morph: Hurry! Guess no one's buying my cereal. Buy or I'll die.
Marge: Every week we have to buy something else to save that transforming clown that morphs.
Marge Observational Character Comedy Bart · Commercial: Mom, we need a Callaway titanium perimeter-weighted driver! - It adds yards to any swing.
Marge: Lisa, I've got a big bunch of black banas. You know what that means. Bana bread!
Marge Character Comedy Wordplay/Pun Bart: Oh, no, I hate the beanbag store. The clerks are always shouting in Hebrew on their cell phones.
Bart Observational Character Comedy Homer: Don't you worry about Wikipedia. We'll change it when we get home. We'll change a lot of things.
Homer Observational Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Homer: Hey, check it out! I wouldn't mind driving that over a prairie dog village.
Homer Dark/Subversive Character Comedy Bart: Martin?! What's a tool like you doing on something cool like that?
Bart Character Comedy Setup/Punchline Martin: Indeed, it has the most finger loss of any youth organization.
Martin Dark/Subversive Deadpan/Understatement ★ Rewatch Homer: Son, a lot of these youth organizations encourage parents to get involved in the activities. - Not this one. - Sold!
Homer Character Comedy Setup/Punchline Bart: I pledge my head to clearer thinking, my heart to greater loyalty, my hands.. oh, man, how many 'H's' does this thing have?
Bart Character Comedy Observational Homer: Raise articulator, set hydraulic brakes and endorse farm subsidy check for crops I didn't grow.
Homer Observational Escalation ★ Rewatch Bart: I didn't come here today expecting to fall in love.
Bart Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Bart: looks like we're partners. You're a scrappy little misfit, just like me.
Bart Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Bart: Anyone want to trade? No reasonable offer refused. I'll take a chicken.
Bart Escalation Character Comedy Mary: Oh, I thought she was peeing out of her nipple.
Mary Cringe/Discomfort Character Comedy Mary: That's great. It rhymes 'moo.'
Mary Character Comedy Wordplay/Pun Homer · Judge: Now son, I'm not here to judge. - Actually, yes, you are. - Eh, what? Oh, right, I am.
Bart: But he won! Why don't you kill the loser cows?
Bart Character Comedy Dark/Subversive Judge: Oh, we will, but your cow gets to go first.
Judge Dark/Subversive Deadpan/Understatement Bart: Mom, they're going to kill Lou and make him into food and fringe vests for gay cowboys.
Bart Escalation Absurdist ★ Rewatch Homer: Son, let this be a lesson: never work hard and don't form emotional attachments. Also, don't be a cow.
Homer Character Comedy Escalation ★ Rewatch Bart: Leave me alone! It's not my fault there's nothing good to eat on this planet except meat!
Bart Character Comedy Escalation Bart: If I could save Lou, I'd never eat meat again. Not even prosciutto and melon!
Bart Escalation Character Comedy Bart: That wasn't my conscience mooing, it was... Tress MacNeille!
Bart Meta/Self-Referential Misdirection ★ Rewatch Bart: Sorry, Lis. I can't be a vegetarian. I love the taste of death.
Bart Dark/Subversive Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Lisa: Stop stirring your lemonade with a sausage.
Lisa Visual Gag Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Lisa: Milk is murder. Cheese is genocide.
Lisa Observational Escalation Bart: Aw, man, I never figured the gate would be locked. It's like they knew we were coming.
Bart Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Windsong · Bart: Yeah, it's my code name. This is Compost and this is Solar Panel. What's my code name? Lisa's Brother.
Windsong Deadpan/Understatement Character Comedy Windsong: Forgive us for this violation, Mother Fence. We honor your chain-link spirit.
Bart: I don't care how much of a pumped-up freak you are. I still love you. The way Barry Bonds' kids probably still love him.
Bart Character Comedy Observational ★ Rewatch Bart: That was a practice cow.
Bart Misdirection Character Comedy Cletus: Howdy, what's yours that mine's is Cletus?
Cletus Character Comedy Wordplay/Pun Cletus: She had a regular city birth in a gas station.
Cletus Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Cletus: According to the traditions of the hill folk, by giving our daughter a cow, you've made a formal proposal of marriage.
Cletus Absurdist Setup/Punchline Bart: I can't get married. I'm only ten. And I have dreams. I got 1580 on my DQAT.
Bart Character Comedy Misdirection Mary · Bart: DQAT? - Dairy Queen Aptitude Test. 800 ice cream, 780 Brazier.
Mary Bart Wordplay/Pun Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Mary: I wished I had a tail what did swap away flies. Mine just hangs there.
Mary Character Comedy Cringe/Discomfort Cletus: We always figured someday Mary would marry. That's why we called her Mary.
Cletus Character Comedy Wordplay/Pun Cletus · Stabbed-in-jail: We name all our kids after what we think's gonna happen to 'em. Ain't that right, Stabbed-in-jail?
Stabbed-in-jail: We'll see who stabs who.
Ned · Homer: What was that for? - Bart's in trouble and we don't need your stupid comments. - Zippin' it up.
Ned Homer Character Comedy Physical/Slapstick Brandine: Something old... something new, something burrowed, and something stew.
Brandine: you just got cold feet... 'cause you're barefoot and our floor's made of mud.
Bart: Kiss?! I thought we were just getting married.
Bart Character Comedy Cringe/Discomfort Preacher: And since we don't need to hear from women folk what they think, I now pronounce you...
Marge: He still sits in the driveway and pretends to drive the car.
Marge Character Comedy Observational Brandine · Cletus: Don't feel bad, sweetie. I was 13 when I married your father. - Yeah, and you'd already been divorced four times.
Homer · Bart: Sweetie, don't you think your mom might have a trick up her sleeve? - No. - Trust me. - D'oh! I mean, moo!
Homer: Ooh, 'Laughter House.' With the world in the shape it's in, we could all use some comedy.
Homer Dark/Subversive Misdirection ★ Rewatch Marge: In India, your cow will be treated like a god and receive the food and medical care that in America would go to human beings.
Marge Dark/Subversive Observational ★ Rewatch Bart: Lou, if that plane leaves the ground and you're not on it, you'll regret it. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but soon, and definitely after they kill you and make you into sloppy joes.
Bart Callback Escalation ★ Rewatch Bart: Here's looking at you, cud.
Bart Wordplay/Pun Callback ★ Rewatch Callback Homer: that sounds like Tress MacNeille.
Homer Meta/Self-Referential Callback ★ Rewatch Callback Homer: It makes me never want to eat meat again. Just fish, chicken, burgers, veal on Fridays, deer, but only in season and if necessary, the sweetest meat of all: human.
Homer Escalation Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Bart: You're in a better place now, Lou, and I'll always be proud that for once in my life, I had a cow, man.
Bart Wordplay/Pun Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Top Episodes — The Simpsons
