Mr Burns wins a professional basketball team in a poker game at the annual billionaire's retreat. He decides to build a state-of-the-art facility in an attempt to lure fans, but the stadium site is on the last remaining bee colony in Springfield - prompting Lisa to lead a protest.
WAR
85.5
Wins Above Replacement
“The Burns And The Bees” ranks #11 of 552 The Simpsons episodes on the Humor Index, scoring 88.8 — Elite. The episode packs 74 scored jokes at 4.4 per minute, averaging 7.3 on craft and 7.0 on impact, with Burns landing the most laughs. Every joke is ranked below with its individual craft and impact scores.
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Top Jokes
Burns: Fun? Is that how it's pronounced? I've only seen it written.
Burns Character Comedy Observational ★ Rewatch Burns: Kill his acorns and make him watch.
Burns Dark/Subversive Visual Gag ★ Rewatch Homer: Flowers: the painted whores of the plant world.
Homer Observational Wordplay/Pun ★ Rewatch Smithers · Burns: Sir, were those real bullets? Yes. Was that a real gorilla? No. I see.
Groundskeeper Willie: They're stinging God now.
All Jokes — 74 analyzed
Show all ↓ Hide ↑ Billionaires: Food fight! Take that, Ted Turner. In your face, founder of Facebook.
Billionaires: Skinny-dip! Yay! Yee-haw!
Burns: Men. The room for me.
Burns Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement ★ Rewatch Jimbo · Kearney · Bart: Kearney, can you read it back? [Extended recursive reading]
Jimbo · Bart: a dare has been placed on your nards. My nards accept.
Kearney · Jimbo · Bart: Kearney reading back the entire conversation verbatim including dialogue tags
Second graders: Stingamajigs!
Groundskeeper Willie: Other than the birth of my kid, this is my happiest moment.
Groundskeeper Willie: from Glasgow clear to Edinburgh
Lisa · Willie: Willie, I didn't know you were an apiarist. From context, I can tell that means beekeeper.
Lisa Willie Character Comedy Meta/Self-Referential ★ Rewatch Groundskeeper Willie: 'Tis a tragedy, Lisa. No man should outlive his bees.
Groundskeeper Willie: They're stinging God now.
Burns · Jeff Bezos: Jeff Bezos wet his pants! I did not. That was apple juice from before.
Burns: Bets don't talk. They see and raise.
Burns Wordplay/Pun Dark/Subversive ★ Rewatch Mark Cuban: Well, if we're betting people, I got a whole herd of them.
Mark Cuban: Don't let the forwards mix with the guards. And if they're acting sluggish, slip some steroids into their cocaine.
Homer: Ooh, now who will sting me and walk all over my sandwiches?
Homer Character Comedy Absurdist ★ Rewatch Homer: Flowers: the painted whores of the plant world.
Homer Observational Wordplay/Pun ★ Rewatch TV Commercial: Synthetic honey. Just like you remember.
Homer: D'oh! I never dreamed the future could be scary.
Homer Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Homer · Lisa: Let's go, Lisa. We've got some worms to save. Bees. Worms, bees, ticks, fleas. Let's go, go, go!
Professor Frink: That's Associate Professor Aaron Ableman. How I hate him.
Professor Frink: Thundering thorax, it's just exactly what I feared!
Homer · Lisa · Professor Frink: Animals can get sick? I'm going to talk to the girl from now on.
Comic Book Guy · Professor Frink: Marry me, and I'll support you for life. You're not a bee! This thing is useless.
Homer: Hold still, sweetie. Daddy will kill it. And this time, no screwups.
Homer Character Comedy Callback ★ Rewatch Callback Professor Frink: Yeah, much like that.
Lisa · Professor Frink: How long is that? Long enough that you will be known as Springfield's crazy bee girl.
Marge · Homer: Never being a grandmother. Really? I thought it was Lisa with a beard of bees.
Marge Homer Setup/Punchline Callback ★ Rewatch Callback Homer: President Lincoln! You've come back, and you got rid of that hat.
Homer Visual Gag Absurdist ★ Rewatch Homer: Stop Milhousing your sister.
Homer Wordplay/Pun Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Marge: All it takes is one troubled loner.
Marge Observational Dark/Subversive ★ Rewatch Burns · Smithers: Smithers, we're leading two to nothing. Run out the clock, boys. Run out the clock.
Mark Cuban: Big three in the Big D for the Big C. Mark Cuban... that's me.
Mark Cuban · Burns: I'm out of my mind! His money seems to have bought him happiness.
Burns: Fun? Is that how it's pronounced? I've only seen it written.
Burns Character Comedy Observational ★ Rewatch Mark Cuban: No one's paid attention to me for ten whole seconds.
Burns: You know, the feathers with the big eye that trick them into thinking that's my front? Said feathers are what I'll flaunt.
Burns Character Comedy Observational ★ Rewatch Marge: The secret is not to swallow the stingers.
Marge Visual Gag Deadpan/Understatement ★ Rewatch Homer · Lisa: They're just drones, Lisa. They only live for, like, five minutes anyway. And they only have haploid cells, not diploid like me and Bart.
Homer Lisa Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm ★ Rewatch Lisa: They only have haploid cells, not diploid like me and Bart.
Lisa Character Comedy Observational ★ Rewatch Marge: Which used to be a beautiful, thriving greenhouse till I was hired to run it.
Marge: Plus, there are flowers, and it's near a prison, so they'll have a place to sting people.
Marge Dark/Subversive Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Homer · Marge: You'll always have Bart. Always. But he'll be gone a lot repairing refrigerators. Always.
Homer Marge Character Comedy Dark/Subversive ★ Rewatch Announcer: You've seen him on the cover of the December 1943 issue of Collier's Magazine.
Announcer Character Comedy Observational ★ Rewatch Mr. Burns: Springfield Excitement
Burns: My country 'tis of thee, Austria, Hungary, Obey your king...
Burns Character Comedy Observational ★ Rewatch Burns: The European Union?! Good heavens! Ladies, hold onto your husbands!
Burns Character Comedy Escalation Burns: Back to your brothel, harlots!
Burns Character Comedy Dark/Subversive Smithers · Burns: Sir, were those real bullets? Yes. Was that a real gorilla? No. I see.
Burns: Time to think outside the boxeola.
Burns Character Comedy Wordplay/Pun ★ Rewatch Mr. Burns: That's it, men. Pave and tar the way God intended.
Burns: Kill his acorns and make him watch.
Burns Dark/Subversive Visual Gag ★ Rewatch Announcer: I don't know who that guy was you were leaving your kids with.
Lisa · Town Hall crowd: The feisty pig of the desert? Apparently not feisty enough.
Burns: Muk Mu, the human North Pole.
Burns Character Comedy Absurdist ★ Rewatch Mr. Burns: No, I'm afraid he'll be on the first kayak back to Ketchikan.
Springfield crowd: Please, don't take our freak! I love you, Muk Mu!
Comic Book Guy: I saw this ad in a gentleman's magazine for excited African honeys, and that's what they sent me.
Comic Book Guy: And she's ready for a night of anonymous sex with multiple partners.
Comic Book Guy: Now, let's give them some privacy while they... get down to buzziness.
Homer: If they was me, they'd be done by now.
Homer Character Comedy Cringe/Discomfort Lisa: I've never seen you walk up an incline before.
Lisa Character Comedy Observational ★ Rewatch Homer: Your bees died days ago. These are their angry, mutant descendants.
Homer Setup/Punchline Dark/Subversive ★ Rewatch Homer: Are you guys dangerous? Ooh!
Homer Physical/Slapstick Character Comedy Homer: Are you guys dangerous? Ooh! A simple yes would have sufficed.
Homer Setup/Punchline Physical/Slapstick Lisa: To that new stadium that looks exactly like a hive.
Lisa Setup/Punchline Irony/Sarcasm ★ Rewatch Burns: Stop! I am one of you!
Burns Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm ★ Rewatch Sports announcer: My microphone is no microphone at all. It's bees! Am I being badly stung? Yes! And it hurts!
Police officer: Our bullets are useless. Aah! Okay, they're useful on me.
Burns: when next we meet, the beekeeper will be the beekeepee!
Burns Wordplay/Pun Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Billionaires · Burns: He's not a billionaire at all! Wait, wait, wait. It's only a matter of four million. I'm sure I can find that somewhere.
Burns: No! No! Just kill me now!
Burns Character Comedy Escalation Millionaire: Howdy do? I own a minor league hockey team.
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