When Comic Book Guy meets a woman writing an autobiographical manga, he seeks Homer's advice on dating.
WAR
59.5
Wins Above Replacement
“Married To The Blob” ranks #158 of 552 The Simpsons episodes on the Humor Index, scoring 81.4 — Elite. The episode packs 70 scored jokes at 4.5 per minute, averaging 7.1 on craft and 6.6 on impact, with Comic Book Guy landing the most laughs. Every joke is ranked below with its individual craft and impact scores.
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Top Jokes
Comic Book Guy: Now I know I've got a heart... because it's breaking. Wizard of Oz reference! Did I do that? Urkle reference! Help me. Fire reference! I can't stop
Comic Book Guy: Dropped my heart into Mylar and then... Vacuum sealed... it
Comic Book Guy: The closest thing I have to a father is the Obi-Wan doll in my store. And he comes from a race of celibate knights
Kumiko: You're either looking down in disgust, or up in disdain
Kumiko Observational Character Comedy Comic Book Guy: You could say that I was an unstackable Pringle
All Jokes — 70 analyzed
Show all ↓ Hide ↑ Homer Character Comedy Callback Callback Radioactive Man: French Femme Fatale Charcoal Briquette and the enemy of drinking water everywhere, the Fracker
Radioactive Man · Fossil Fuel Four: Those studies were industry financed. You lie!
Citizen Solar · Wind Lad: It's too cloudy. People don't like the noise I make. Ehhh...
Petroleus Rex: I have become my destiny
The Fracker: Half life. Quar...ter life. Eighth life. Gone. Frack-cellent!
Bart Wordplay/Pun Character Comedy Callback Comic Book Guy: They'll just reboot Radioactive Man in an overpriced new origin issue and get clueless fanboys like you to line up at midnight to buy them. Clueless fanboys in costume.
Bart: I won't know which day to write in my diary
Bart Character Comedy Observational Homer: That's when he experiments, boy
Homer Observational Character Comedy Bart: After the Oscars, when he forces you
Bart Observational Setup/Punchline Comic Book Guy: Tell it to Harlan Ellison
Comic Book Guy: I think, you over-privileged kids with your electronic tablets and your talking phones, wouldn't know a good piece of fiction if your iPod read it to your ass
Comic Book Guy · Customer: I wish someone would have come from the future, and warned me not to talk to you. That's my idea! You're stealing my idea!
Comic Book Guy: Or should I say, 'Foolsville'
Milo: I wrote a Lost fan fiction finale that also answers all the questions from Twin Peaks. Reranked all the DoctorWhos by puffiness of the hair
Milo Observational Escalation ★ Rewatch Milo: non-imaginary, comic-tolerating girlfriend, Strawberry
Milo Character Comedy Observational Comic Book Guy: Now when Milo talks to himself, it won't seem crazy
Milo: Even the mintiest comic is just acidifying pulp, if you have no one to read it with, right?
Milo Observational Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Milo: Comic-Con is now eight percent women. Burn!
Milo Observational Irony/Sarcasm Homer: We're like George Burns and John Denver
Homer Misdirection Character Comedy Comic Book Guy: Jimmy Olsen vs. Matter Eater Lad. Hm. This is better than I remembered, actually. No...! No it isn't! It-It's horrible!
Comic Book Guy: The only thing that could make this moment more cliched, is if I started to sing about my feelings. And... here I go.
Comic Book Guy: You could say that I was an unstackable Pringle
Comic Book Guy: With your cardboard stand of Scarlett Johansson!
Comic Book Guy: Dropped my heart into Mylar and then... Vacuum sealed... it
Imaginary Stan Lee · Real Stan Lee: I'm your imagination. The real Stan Lee's over there. Excelsior!
Imaginary Stan Lee: But now... your opportunity is knocking
Stan Lee: Hey, I'm 90 years old. I can do what I want
Comic Book Guy: The Just Us League? You would be member number 003. I-- I am the first two
Kumiko: I am visiting America's saddest cities, as research for my autobiographical manga. Volume Six, Springfield. Land of Angry Tears
Kumiko Observational Character Comedy Kumiko: You're either looking down in disgust, or up in disdain
Kumiko Observational Character Comedy Comic Book Guy: She tolerates me!
Comic Book Guy: Is it too soon to give you flowers in a Hulk hand?
Comic Book Guy: The closest thing I have to a father is the Obi-Wan doll in my store. And he comes from a race of celibate knights
Comic Book Guy: Because you are the only fat man in real life who ever got a hot woman
Homer: It helps if she's got a mother she's trying to get back at
Homer Observational Dark/Subversive Homer: Don't be the way you normally are and sustain that for the rest of your life
Homer Observational Escalation Kumiko: In my country, it is a tradition to bring a much older couple on a first date. It is not in any way, weird, or-or sad
Kumiko Observational Cringe/Discomfort Marge: Does anyone tell you that you look like the man on a box of Mr. Sparkle?
Marge Callback Observational ★ Rewatch Callback Kumiko's father: In Japan, drinking your detergent is a popular method of suicide
Kumiko · Homer: But the walls are covered with garbage. Oh... Not garbage, Americana
Comic Book Guy: They're neither in alphabetical, nor geographical order. What-What madness is this?
Kumiko: In Japan, no one ever says what they think. We know our game shows are degrading and our baseball fences are too close. But no one says anything
Kumiko: You should've spent less on the kitsch, and more on the kitch-en
Kumiko Wordplay/Pun Observational Kumiko: American nerd snark is the finest in the world. Let's go walking and mocking in the rain
Kumiko Observational Wordplay/Pun Unknown: Father, why-sa you-sa forsake-a me-sa?
Unknown Wordplay/Pun Meta/Self-Referential Comic Book Guy: You have nurtured our love like Steven Speilberg nurtured the careers of Zemeckis and Gale
Comic Book Guy: At last, we'll be in the same bed. Just like Batman and Robin
Marge: Apparently, including tying the knots on the hammock
Marge Observational Visual Gag Marge: And getting the termites out of the trees
Marge Escalation Observational Kumiko's father: I am not a Kung fu instructor. I am a humble salary man who could kick your ass
Homer · Kumiko's father: I was going to say, like you're going to have a stroke. I get that a lot too
Kumiko's father · Homer: So, an obese nerd has stolen my daughter to live in his basement? I didn't tell you about the basement. It was an obvious guess!
Comic Book Guy: I didn't tell you about the basement. It was an obvious guess!
Comic Book Guy: You can retrieve rants if you did not empty your trash
Comic Book Guy: Now I know I've got a heart... because it's breaking. Wizard of Oz reference! Did I do that? Urkle reference! Help me. Fire reference! I can't stop
Homer: No... discipline would imply, I'm trying to make him better
Homer Observational Dark/Subversive Kumiko's father: You promise double suicide. You hear what you want to hear. Always with me
Homer: Now, that's disgusting. Wine made of rice?
Homer Irony/Sarcasm Character Comedy Homer: That was the aquarium
Homer · Kumiko's father: You're the tail! No... You're the tail
Lisa: Dad! Bart's feet are on my half of the shell!
Lisa Observational Character Comedy Homer: Hey, that actually feels good. Oh, yeah. More. A little bit more. Right there. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. That's the stuff.
Homer Cringe/Discomfort Escalation Kumiko's father: The monster is me. Who... 'da thunk it?
Comic Book Guy: They're giant polluters. But... the CEO is a woman. It's very vexing
Comic Book Guy: But then my seller rating will go down...
Comic Book Guy: 'Best... Day... Ever.'
Kumiko's father · Ghost Wife: Ghost Wife, are you happy? Kind of!
Unknown creatures · Bart: Give us your eggs. I'm a boy. We said eggs
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