Krusty Gets Kancelled

D'oh! [Screams]

where the sewage meets the sand [Coughs, Spits]

Help, My Son is a Nerd! My son returns from a fancy East Coast college and I'm horrified to find he's a nerd. [Laughing] I'm laughing already. It's not a comedy.

It's safe and it's sexy. Oh, baby.

I ain't goin' nowhere. I been in this square pert' near 30 seasons, and I ain't a-leavin' now. [Yelling] He's dead now. [Both Laughing]

What's Gabbo? I figure it's some guy's name. Some guy named Gabbo.

I'll figure it out. I'm gonna use all the power of my brain. [Buzzing]

Look, Smithers! Garbo is coming! Uh, yes, sir.

Everyone is saying 'Gabbo this' and 'Gabbo that,' but no one is saying 'worship this' and 'Jericho that.'

Hello. I'm Gabbo. And I'm Arthur Crandall. That's easy for you to say. You don't have a hand up your tuchas.

All he needs is a hook. I'm a bad widdle boy. ¡Aycarumba!

[Imitating Vin Scully] Let's take time out from this triple play to talk about Farmer Dan's pure pork sausage. Mm-mmm!

Don't forget the Special Olympics. Oh, yeah. I slaughtered the Special Olympics.

I lost to Channel Ocho? What the hell is that? Dos huevos, por favor. ¡Ay! Oh, que lástima. [Chuckles] I gotta steal that bit.

Now let's throw some crud on it. Hey, it's 4:00.

So, you want ventriloquism, do ya? All right, watch this. Hello, Alphonse. I've got a riddle for you. Why is a raven like a writing desk? I don't know. Why is a-- [All Screaming] Hey, the dummy can't hurt you. He's not even alive. He's dead! [Screaming]

All right, here's the deal. Every time you watch my show I will send you $40! [Announcer] Checks will not be honored.

I admit I used the city treasury to fund the murder of my enemies. But as Gabbo would say, 'I'm a bad widdle boy.' [Applause]

Well, kids, this is where you would watch Itchy and Scratchy except they're on the Gabbo Show now. So, here's Eastern Europe's favorite cat and mouse team Worker and Parasite!

What the hell is that?

Well, that's it. We've been canceled. I think we can be proud that we never did a bad show except for that week Ray Jay Johnson was my co-host. 'You can call me Ray, and you can call me Jay.' Ooh! That thing was funny for about three seconds.

The important thing is, we're like a family. Krusty, I-- Shut your hole!

Do they still buy human hair down at the wig shop?

tonight my guests will be Dr. Carl Sagan and from the San Diego Zoo, Joan Embry.

'Oh, Kyle, I just don't think I fit in here at Melrose Place.' From now on, I'll be doing the thinking for both of us.

Come on, you stupid horse! I got my last ten bucks on you! No, don't look at me! Run! No! Don't come over here!

I can't believe it. He stole this bit from Krusty! Yeah, well, Krusty stole it from Steve Allen. Oh, everything's stolen nowadays. Why, the fax machine is nothing but a waffle iron with a phone attached.

Whoa! Me rikey velly much! Oh, I hope I didn't offend you. I need this bad.

Bad enough to hit yourself over the head with the phone? Oh! You got it! Ow! Ow! Ooh, blood.

If this is anyone but Steve Allen, you're stealing my bit.

Two wrongs don't make a right, Bart. Yes, they do. No, they don't. Yes, they do. No, they don't. Dad! Yes, they do. Two wrongs make a right, Lisa.

That oughta hold the little S.O.B.s. Gabbo, quiet. Oh, I wouldn't wanna offend the little S.O.B.s. I wish you'd stop saying that.

All the kids in Springfield are S.O.B.s. Gabbo's kind of language has no place on or off TV. And that's my two cents.

I didn't know you knew Luke Perry! [Scoffs] Know him? He's my worthless half-brother. He's a big TV star. Yeah, on Fox.

You pigs! [Panting] Oh, no! Bette Midler! [Grunting] [Yelling] Now, where were we? We were asking you to appear on Krusty's Komeback Special. Okay. Tell Krusty he can count me in.

Smart Bunnies, Hef. I can call you Hef, can't I? No.

Hey, Moe, look over there. What? What am I lookin' at? I don't see nothin'. I'm gonna stop looking soon. What? What, is that it? Hey, Moe, can I look too? Sure, but it'll cost ya. My wallet's in the car. He is so stupid.

Miss Taylor, a couple of grade-school kids wanted you to be on a Krusty special. I told them to buzz off. Good.

Krusty, what have you done to yourself? I thought I'd get into shape, so I've been drinking nothing but milk shakes. You mean those diet milk shakes? Uh-oh.

You can sleep on the sofa. It folds right out. [Grunting, Yelling] Oh, wait. That was the old sofa. [Screeching]

But you've gotta comeback, Mel! We're a team. No, Krusty. You always treated me rather shabbily. On our last show, you poured liquid nitrogen down my pants and cracked my buttocks with a hammer.

Here's your taco, mister. Oops. It fell in the fryer. I'll get it out. Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Sorry, Krusty. I like it here. Mr. Johannson treats me with dignity.

Look, kids! A horsie! And what are you making, Sideshow Luke Perry? A 19th-century carousel. [Yells] Upstage me, will ya? Get the hell out!

Look, there must be something I can do on the show. Please. For Mom's sake? Well, maybe we can find something.

Would you mind changing 'em for the show? Forget you, clown. Hey, our lyrics are like our children, man. No way. Well, okay. But here, where you say 'What I got, you gotta get and put it in you,' how about just, 'What I'd like is I'd like to hug and kiss you'? Wow! That's much better. Everyone can enjoy that.

I love you, Krusty. Quiet!

Are you comfortable in there, Luke Perry? Fire away, Krusty. [Yelling] Aah! My face! My valuable face!

Actually, I thought I'd lift this 1987 Buick Skylark over my head. Hi-yo! Johnny, that's amazing. Oh, yeah? Get a load of this. [Singing Opera]

I've got to fire that agent.

This was a great show, Krusty. You deserve an Emmy for this. Forget it. The Academy hates me. I don't know why.

Here's that ruby-studded clown nose you ordered, Krusty. [Sobbing] Oy!

Hey, you can't come in here dressed like that! Get with the times, Moe. Yeah. I say if it feels good, do it. All right. [Chuckling] Don't snap my undies.

That's all right, Krusty. We're getting 50% of the T-shirt sales. What? That's the sweetest plum! You little-- Aw, what the hell. You deserve it. Thanks, kids.

To Krusty, the greatest entertainer in the world-- Except maybe that guy.