The Pie

Aren't mannequins kind of an insult to your imagination? You couldn't visualize a sweater... so we'll show you on this life-size, snotty puppet.

When they're finished they become crash-test dummies. The end of the line for a mannequin. 'Whatever happened to Bob?' 'Have you seen that new Volvo commercial? He's got a bull's-eye right in his face.'

Mannequins are only used for car accidents and fashion... two situations that it's impossible for us to imagine ourselves: Well-dressed or getting killed.

I'm sure some pro-mannequin organization... doesn't like the term 'mannequin.' 'Hey, they're not mannequins. They're the life-deprived.'

She wouldn't so much as taste it... She just kept shaking her head like this:

She carries Entenmanns doughnuts in her purse.

I told her we should have moving walkways all over city... Like at the airport? Yeah... That's a great idea... Tell me about it.

I never broke up with anyone for not tasting pie. I once broke up with someone for not offering me pie.

He could be eating a hero... he wouldn't offer me anything. It's a sickness.

I never heard of that happening to a woman. What the hell does that mean?

It's like they chopped off your arms and legs, dipped you in plastic... screwed you all back together, and stuck you on a pedestal.

It's really quite exquisite.

I was watching TV without my shirt on... and my couch cushion didn't have any fabric on it.

It's like some pod landed from another planet and took your body.

Don't fall asleep, Elaine.

Did you just roll your eyes at him? If anybody should be rolling their eyes... it is me at him about you.

What are you saying, that I'm not good enough for this hideous dress?

I wouldn't be caught dead... wearing your crummy little Eurotrash rags.

Oh, yes, of course. And we have to be fair.

You're not a psycho... Exactly. You're not a psycho.

Well, I think we've proven who the psycho is. We certainly have.

One lap around... It'll be a funky adventure.

I think you know my policy.

I'm going home to spatula.

Madam, I pray you're not toying with me.

They're having an unadvertised sale. This suit will be half-price starting Monday... Actually, the unadvertised sale starts on Friday.

You know, for an unadvertised sale, you're doing a lot of yapping about it.

You obviously like pies. You carry doughnuts in your bag. You're not averse to pastry. Surely you could see how such a thing would prey on my mind.

Jerry watching Poppie come out of bathroom and knead dough without washing hands

You're not gonna taste it?

When he came out of that bathroom, and he was kneading that dough... it was a wild scene.

Even if you're not gonna soap up... at least pretend, for my benefit. Turn the water on. Do something.

Yeah, just like I do.

You know, a chef who doesn't wash is like a cop who steals. It's a cry for help. He wants to get caught.

She's a maestro... The crisscross... the figure eight, strumming the old banjo... and this wild, savage free-for-all... where anything can happen.

The last time I saw her... she was naked.

You bastard! You hid the suit... I have no idea how this suit got misplaced.

Half-price. Arrivederci, my fellow 40-short.

He felt my face for a really long time... to see what I looked like. He almost put his finger up my nose.

Because you have an attitude.

It's rubbing between your thighs when you walk. That's what's making that swooshy sound.

He fired the last guy because his nose whistled when he breathed.

Let's say it's between me and one other guy. He's got a quiet suit, and I'm whooshing all over the place! Who do you think he's gonna hire?

You were wearing a G-string and one of those bras with points.

That's my ass in your window.

I believe there is some legal precedent... Winchell v. Mahoney. The Charlie McCarthy hearings.

I don't know about you, but I'm getting a hankering for some Doublemint gum.

We can concentrate without people whooshing around.

Well, Poppie's a little sloppy.

Conformity's an obsession with me.

Take a bite, George. Take a bite... It's delicious. I insist. If you're one of us, you'll take a bite.

But I was the only one at the table that didn't get violently ill.

I've been faking it so I wouldn't hurt her feelings.

Why is she wearing her underwear? Well, it's a style.

I just got a letter from a friend of mine in Chicago... who was shopping, and she saw a mannequin that looked just like me.

Ricky, we've been getting a tremendous response... to your TR-6 mannequin. TR-6? I prefer to think of her as... Elaine.