The Mom &Amp; Pop Store

No baron has ever owned a LeBaron.

Or the Ford LTD. LTD. Limited. It's a limited edition. What did they make, 50 million of those? Yes, it's limited to the number we can sell.

You know how they'll do that? The Integra. Oh, integrity? No, Integra.

Well, I hope it's not a 'lemona.' Or you'll be hearing from my 'lawya.'

N.I., not interested.

Jon Voight?

He's a dentist. You don't wanna go out with a dentist. Why? He'll always be criticizing your brushing technique. It'll drive you crazy. Away from the gums.

What consumer? I'm the consumer.

I've never even seen him in a car. I mean, look at his movies. No cars. Deliverance, canoe. Midnight Cowboy, boots. Runaway Train... runaway train.

Well, of course you do. And you know why? Because you're a bunch of yuppies. It's your 'go, go' corporate-takeover lifestyles that are driving out these mom-and-pop stores and destroying the fabric of this neighborhood.

Well, what's so great about a mom-and-pop store? If my mom and pop ran a store, I wouldn't shop there.

I really don't wear the kind of shoes that have to be cobbled.

Well, he's got a Peter Pan complex.

You know, in the 48 years we've been here... I don't think we've ever called an electrician.

No. I'm still working on it.

My father was a stern man. He forbade us to participate in any activities that he thought were associated with the common man. The Thanksgiving Day Parade was first on the list.

'Next Stop, Pottersville.' You are a genius.

Don't you see, that's the genius of it. If he had said Liam Neeson, you'd know he's making it up.

Jerry, we're talking about Joe Buck. If you can play Joe Buck, Oskar Schindler's a cakewalk.

Liam Neeson. You know he's not American.

Everybody's talking at me / I can't hear a word they're saying / Just driving round In Jon Voight's car

Hey, where's all my sneakers? You said take them. Not all of them. Well, obviously, there was a miscommunication.

I worked a club in Dallas one time, and they couldn't pay me... so they gave me these.

You look like a cowboy. I don't wanna be a cowboy.

Why would you call someone for addresses if you're not invited to the party? That's the genius of it.

Forty-eight years, Mom. And now we have to close. All because of that idiot and his bloody nose.

You know you got a crack in the sidewalk? You ought to get that fixed.

Sure. That's Jon Voight's pencil. With Jon Voight's teeth marks.

Doesn't Jon Voight spell his name J-O-N?

I'm sure Jon probably misspelled his own name. I know sometimes I spell Jerry with a G. And an I.

Oh, look. There's Gregory Peck's bicycle. And Barbara Mandrell's skateboard.

Hey, cowboy. Where's your horse? Yeah, you better run.

You know, maybe his name really is J-O-H-N... but he changed it to J-O-N for show business. Well, you know, J-O-N is a lot zippier.

I've got the entire Yankee organization at my disposal. He'll dispose of it.

Which word did he emphasize? Did he say, 'Why would Jerry bring anything?' Or, 'Why would Jerry bring anything?'

I think he emphasized 'would.'

Mom and Pop aren't even a mom and pop? It was all an act, Jerry. They conned us, and they scored bigtime.

So Mom and Pop's plan was to move into the neighborhood... establish trust... for 48 years... and then run off with Jerry's sneakers?

Apparently.

He finds his laugh intoxicating.

I suppose if I had suggested Liam Neeson Day... you'd all be patting me on the back.

Hey! Jon Voight! Jon Voight! Hey, listen. Can I ask you something? Listen. Do you...? Wait...

The way I feel when I go places with you?

His tooth marks. He bit me. Jon Voight bit you? What is he, a vampire?

So you're showing up at that party with a chewed-up pencil... and Kramer's gnarled arm?

Dentist? Dentist? Are you a dentist?

Yeah. What is he, some sort of an instigator? That's right. He's a troublemaker.

What? I can't hear you! Where's Tim? What's that, the Empire State Building? What? I can't hear a word.

Hey, is that Jerry Seinfeld? Hey, he didn't come with us.

Did you say, 'Jerry, I didn't think you'd show'... or 'Jerry, I didn't think you'd show.'

The pencil. Get the pencil out of your mouth! You're destroying Jon Voight's teeth marks.

Yes. I went to dental school with him. Jon Voight, the actor? No. The periodontist.

You popped Woody Woodpecker!

Hey, who invited you anyway? You're a troublemaker.

Especially that big kid up in the front. How old is he?

I ain't going to no Bellevue. Look at me, I'm falling apart here.

The marching band is a perfect example of taking something bad and making it difficult too.

Maybe if they hold still, we could all leave. Is that why they do it? People try and get away. 'No, you don't. I'm right with you. Right with you, buddy.'

The human urge to wave at total strangers just moving by is very strong, isn't it? Parades and ocean liners and those little trains that go through amusement parks.

It's always that bittersweet, kind of hello-goodbye combination wave, isn't it? Just: I've never seen these people before in my life and they're leaving.