The Chronicle (2)

It seems like whenever these office people call you in for a meeting, the whole thing is about the sitting down. I would really like to sit down with you. I think we need to sit down and talk. Why don't you come in, and we'll sit down.

Maybe we're not getting down low enough. Maybe if we all lie down, then our brains will work.

I can't eat this without ketchup.

Are you using your ketchup?

I'm going to need it from time to time.

They're all the same. You go, you sit, you eat popcorn, you watch. I'm sick of it.

That's usually the kind of mood I'm in when I haven't showered.

When is it going to be my turn, Jerry? When do I get my 15 minutes? I want my 15 minutes!

Health's not good enough. I want more than health. Health's not doing it for me anymore. I'm sick of health.

Oh, very gracious.

You know you're turning into Burt Lancaster?

Faux pas? Big hefty stinking faux pas.

And the street cellphone call is the lowest phone call you can make.

It's an act of total disregard. It's selfish. It's dismissive. It's pompous.

If you are thinking of instituting an open-door urination policy, let me disabuse you of that notion right now, my friend.

Let's all just have a big pee party. Hey everybody, grab a bucket. We're going up to Jerry's. It's a pee party.

Jerry! Jerry! He wants to talk about Jerry? Jerry! Can I go like this?

I won't feel like a writer. You're not a writer. Right!

Something, nothing, I could care less. Anything, everything, something, nothing - Who the hell cares? Put me down. I'm down!

K-I-M-B-R-O-U-G-H. That's right. It's a talent I have.

Oh, that's a dangerous fruit. It's like a weapon, that thing. Got spikes on the end. You can get killed from one of those things.

It's really not accurate. Nobody drinks from a water cooler anymore - they use bottles.

Or we could not do the show altogether, how about that?

So now she's lost a phone face-off? That's even worse than your cell phone walk-and-talk.

She must be about six-six. She's not six-six.

Since when do you know how to write? I never saw you write anything.

I'll tell you the truth - the whole thing sounds pretty stupid to me.

Lot of femininas - some major femininas.

She's a seductress, she's a siren, she's a virgin, she's a whore.

They can discuss anything from world affairs to the fine art of fishing. Or baking.

You can be bleak in spring. If you're bleak, you're bleak.

Switzerland - the Von Trapp family, huh? It's a bit hilly - no?

So then you'll walk down the hill and we'll pick you up.

First you make a cell-phone walk-and-talk, then she loses a call-waiting face-off, now you're talking about a plane call?

She's lost all use of her muscles. She can only communicate by blinking. I would so love to see her. Bring a ray of sunshine into her tragic life.

When an evil wind will blow through your little playworld and wipe that smug smile off your face. And I'll be there, in all my glory, watching - watching as it all comes crumbling down.

You think this is the plane that Ted Danson gets?

It's effeminate to sit like this? Yes, I think it's a little effeminate. How is this effeminate? I don't know - it just is.

I cheated in the contest. What? What? The contest - I cheated. Why? Because I'm a cheater!

Great - I won.

See, the great thing about robbing a fat guy is, it's an easy getaway. You know? They can't really chase ya!

He's actually doing him a favor. It's less money for him to buy food.

The law requires you to help or assist anyone in danger as long as it's reasonable to do so. I never heard of that. It's new. It's called the Good Samaritan Law.

Why would we want to help somebody? I know. That's what nuns and Red Cross workers are for.

You don't have to help anybody. That's what this country's all about. That's deplorable, unfathomable, improbable.

Would it kill him to check up on us? No - drops off the meals and that's it. I realize we're prisoners, but we're still entitled to ketchup!

I guess we could've called for help. But then we would have missed the whole thing. I still had it on video. We could have watched it later.