Bobby S Big Break

Louie:The only excuse I would accept is death.

Louie:Don't worry, Bobby. I'll make you so miserable you'll forget all about that part.

Louie:You're late again, Banta! Every day you waltz in here like you own the place. You think this is a joke?

Bobby:No, Louie, it's not a joke. I'm just so happy today!

Louie:Happy? You're happy? I'm trying to chew you out here and you're standing there grinning like an idiot!

Bobby:I know, and I appreciate it, Louie. Really, I do.

Louie:You're killing me, Banta. You're actually killing me.

Louie:What's with you? You're smiling. Did you get hit on the head?

Bobby:No, I'm just in a good mood.

Louie:A good mood? What, did somebody die?

Latka:Ay ohh!

Bobby:My character on the soap opera had amnesia, so he didn't remember his wife. But then his twin brother showed up, except it turned out he wasn't really his twin brother, he was his long-lost father who had been living as a woman in Monaco for fifteen years.

Bobby:And just when my character was about to remember everything, a mysterious disease made him forget how to speak English, so he could only communicate in Morse code.

Bobby:Then his wife wasn't really his wife—she was his sister! But not by blood, by adoption. From Montenegro.

Latka:I hope you get a very bad disease and die!

Latka:In my country, we always wish bad luck to our friends.

Tony:Why would you wish bad luck to your friends?

Latka:Because if you wish them good luck, the evil spirits, they hear you and they say, 'Oh, this person has good luck coming,' so they rush down and take it away. But if you wish them bad luck, the evil spirits say, 'Oh, this person already has bad luck,' and they leave them alone.

Alex:What do you do when you want someone to have bad luck?

Latka:We hit them in the gidnus.

Alex:The gidnus?

Latka:Yes, the gidnus. It's between the gidnus and the siptar.

Louie De Palma:You know what really gets me? All these people watching TV instead of working. The elderly, the handicapped, the unemployed... the preggos.

Tony:She cried real tears? That's amazing.

Tony:She cried when her character was sad, she cried when her character was happy, she cried when her character was confused...

Tony:I think she just cries.

Bobby:Hi.

Tony Banta:After all these years, I never thought I'd see you again.

Unknown Character:I had to come back. I couldn't stay away any longer.

Tony Banta:But what about everything that happened between us?

Unknown Character:I've thought about nothing else. Every day, every night...

Louie De Palma:Yeah, well, don't leave your cab unattended.

Bobby:Well, I figure if I don't say anything, nobody can say I'm wrong. Plus, the less I talk, the less chance I have of saying something stupid. And let's face it, in this cab company, that's a competitive advantage.

Bobby:Well, I'm a method actor. Sometimes less is more. Marlon Brando did it all the time—he'd show up, say one word, and leave everyone wanting more.

Louie:She even forgave him for having an affair with her uncle.

Louie:What's wrong with watching a soap opera? It's honest entertainment. At least they don't pretend to be something they're not. Unlike my mother, who pretends to be happy when I visit.

Latka:Congratulations again!

Latka:May your mother get hit by a streetcar!

Louie:Even successful movie star James Caan will eventually return

Tony:Wait, Skip died? When did this happen?

Louie:On the show, Tony. On the show.

Tony:Oh thank God. For a second I thought Bobby DeNiro was dead.

Unknown:Completely backwards priorities about fictional vs real person

Alex:Well, if she needs more tragedy, we could always have her cry more.

Louie:She already cries all the time!

Alex:Exactly. She's perfect for a soap opera.

Bobby:How am I going to look coming back to the garage?

Alex:Don't worry about it, Bobby. We all look like failures.

Soap opera character:You're going to be a father!

Tony:Congratulations, Bobby! You did it!

Louie:Ha ha ha... *clears throat* ...that's terrible.

Louie:Oh, come on, Alex. You're killing me with all this compassion stuff. This is a taxi garage, not a monastery.

Louie:You think you're so smart, Bobby? I'm gonna humiliate you. I'm gonna make you look like a donkey.

Bobby:A donkey? That's the best you can do?

Louie:Alright, wise guy. You'll look like a moose.

Bobby:A moose?

Louie:Yeah, a moose. And then a goose. Then a caboose!

Alex:You think it's so easy to humiliate someone? Watch this.

Alex:Hey Louie, your fly is down.

Louie:What?

Alex:Just kidding. But you fell for it, didn't you? See how easy that was?

Louie:Bobby is a lo-ser, Bobby is a lo-ser

Louie:Give me one good reason why I shouldn't torment this kid.

Alex:Because it's wrong?

Louie:You shouldn't? You shouldn't?! That's your argument? 'You shouldn't'? Oh, I see, I see. Well, let me think about that. You shouldn't. Hmm. You know what? You're right. You shouldn't. I shouldn't. Nobody shouldn't. We all shouldn't!

Louie:Well, well, well... if it isn't Bobby Baccalieri. Come on in here, you little punk. I've been waitin' for you all day. You think you can waltz in here and disrespect me? You got another thing comin', pal.

Bobby:Hi, Louie.

Louie:Oh, hey Bobby! Good to see ya, kid. How've ya been? You want some coffee? Sit down, sit down. Make yourself comfortable.

Louie:Hey Bobby, how ya doin'? Good to see ya!

Bobby:Gee, Louie, I just wanted to thank you for being so nice to me.

Louie:Oh, forget it, Bobby.

Bobby:No, I mean it. You didn't call me stupid, or a moron, or a knucklehead, or a pea brain, or a nincompoop, or a blockhead, or a lamebrain, or a numbskull.

Louie:Yeah, well, don't think I didn't think of it.

Louie:You know, Alex, I gotta say - you're a real stiff.

Alex:What do you mean, Louie?

Louie:I mean you're perfect for this role - playing a dead body in the morgue scene. You're a natural stiff.

Louie:Attention all personnel. We have a special matinee performance in the garage. A customer has just discovered that the mechanic charged him for a new transmission when all he needed was a quart of oil. Come on down and watch a grown man cry.

Louie:I could've said you're a sloppy dresser, that your hair looks like a dead animal, that you smell like a bus station, that nobody likes you, and that you're a complete failure as a human being.

Louie:But I didn't say any of that. I'm a very kind and considerate person.