Bobbys Acting Career

Passenger:Is your dog okay in the cab?

Bobby:Is he okay? Lady, he's terrified of me. Every time I start the engine, he thinks I'm taking him to the vet.

Passenger:Your dog's name is Hamlet? Like the Shakespeare play?

Bobby:No, like the Dane. He's half Danish, half... well, he's mostly just a mutt, but the Dane part seemed fancy.

Bobby:To be or not to be, that is the question.

Bobby:Maybe he didn't hear you. Let me try. Here, boy! Here, boy! Come on, boy! Speak! Speak!

Bobby:You know what? I think he's gonna call us back.

Passenger:No, no, shake! Shake, boy!

Passenger:I said shake, not quake!

Bobby:Hey, hey! Not in the cab! You wanna hit the dog, do it outside!

Bobby:I need to hit something!

Tony:Whoa, whoa, whoa! You're gonna hurt yourself!

Tony:Go ahead, take your best shot. I'm in the best shape of my life.

Bobby:Okay.

Tony:Oof!

Tony:I'm tough. I can handle anything. Nothing scares me.

Bobby:Oh yeah? What about that time you cried at the movie?

Tony:That was different. That was a very moving film.

Bobby:It was a cartoon.

Tony:A very moving cartoon. But I'm still tough!

Bobby:Prove it.

Tony:Ow! My back! Don't worry Bobby, I'm fine. Really. See? Tough as nails. Ow.

Bobby:Louie, I'm telling you, I cannot take this anymore. I'm at my breaking point.

Louie:Hey, hey, hey. Can I use the bathroom?

Bobby:NO!

Tony:Where are you from, Bobby?

Bobby:Brooklyn.

Dog Owner:Where's my dog? I left him here!

Tony Banta:What dog?

Louie De Palma:I don't see any dog.

Bobby Wheeler:Dog? What dog?

Alex Reiger:There's no dog here.

Dog Owner:He's right there!

Elaine Nardo:I don't know what you're talking about.

Cabbies:No dog here, pal.

Dog Owner:Are you in charge here?

Louie:What do you think?

Louie:Do I see a dog? I can't see nothing! My eyes are shot!

Louie:You got a five?

Alex:I'll talk to him.

Latka:No, no, I talk to him. I speak dog language.

Alex:You speak dog language?

Latka:Sure, is easy. I speak broken English, dog speak broken English too.

Bobby:I didn't get the part. I'm a failure as an actor.

Bobby:You know what the worst part is? I can't even tell the other guys at the garage. They'd just laugh at me.

Bobby:But you... you won't judge me, will you boy? You're the only one I can tell.

Louie:I'm sharing the dog with Bobby.

Louie:He's such a failure, I feel sorry for him. Even the dog needs a break from him.

Louie:You wanna know the secret to making it in this business? Treat it like an unemployment line. Show up, wait around, collect your check, and leave.

Tom:When E.F. Hutton talks, people listen.

Everyone:(All turn around and listen)

Bobby:What are my chances?

Tom:Oh, you've got a great shot! I mean, really, the odds are in your favor. You're a shoo-in!

Bobby:You guys, you guys! I got something to tell you!

Tony:What is it, Bobby?

Bobby:I finally did it! I finally got my big break!

Louie:You landed a part?

Bobby:Better! I auditioned for this major film role. Director loved me. Said I was perfect for it.

Jim:That's great, Bobby!

Bobby:Yeah, well... they gave the part to some guy named Brad Pitt. Never heard of him.

Tony:Oh no...

Bobby:But get this - I made it to the final two! That's huge progress!

Elaine:That IS something to celebrate!

Louie:Let's drink to Bobby's almost success!

All Cabbies:Cheers!

Bobby:Wait, wait. What are we celebrating exactly?

Alex:Bobby's promotion!

Bobby:I don't have a promotion.

Louie:Not yet, but we're getting ahead of ourselves.

Latka:I make for you the toast, yes? I put the bread in the hot box, and the heat, it make the bread very crispy and brown and delicious.

Bobby:Here, let me help you with that.

Bobby:I'm definitely gonna get this call.

Bobby:Why? Because I'm the best driver here.

Bobby:And how do I know I'm the best driver? Because I always get the calls.

Louie:You know what I always say? It's like a guy who's falling off a building. As he passes each floor, he yells out, 'So far so good! So far so good!' Well, it ain't how you fall that matters. It's how you land.

Alex:Bobby, you're a very talented guy. You really are.

Bobby:Yeah?

Alex:But maybe, just maybe, you should consider doing something else.

Bobby:Like what?

Alex:Well, anything. Literally anything at all.

Bobby:Alex hurt me real bad. He was honest with me, and it hurt worse than when my father died.

Bobby:You don't understand me, Alex! Nobody understands me! I pour my heart and soul into everything I do, and for what? For nothing!

Alex:Bobby, what's wrong? What happened?

Bobby:What happened?! I'll tell you what happened. My life is a complete disaster. I'm a failure as an actor, as a person, as everything!

Alex:Bobby, you're not a failure—

Bobby:Don't patronize me! I can't take it anymore!

Alex:Okay, okay. What can I do to help?

Bobby:You see? You see what you just witnessed? That was acting, Alex. Pure acting. Did you believe me? Did I convince you that I was genuinely upset?

Alex:Bobby...

Bobby:I'm telling you, my range is incredible. I can do drama, comedy, pathos—anything. I'm ready for the big time, Alex. That performance was Oscar-worthy.

Alex:You know, Bobby, I've got to hand it to you. That was a pretty good act.

Bobby:Thanks, Alex.

Alex:Yeah, you really had me going there for a minute. I actually believed you.

Bobby:Come on, ring. Ring, ring, ring. Come ooooon. Ring! RING! Bring bring bring bring!

Elaine:Bobby, maybe your deadline is wrong.

Bobby:Wrong? Elaine, I set that deadline myself. It's completely arbitrary, but that doesn't make it any less binding.

Bobby:Five days left to make it as an actor...

Bobby:Four days...

Bobby:Three days...

Bobby:Two days...

Bobby:One day...

Bobby:ZERO.

Bobby:I'm quitting acting. I mean it this time. No more auditions, no more callbacks. I'm done chasing this dream.

Bobby:Starting tomorrow, I'm going to focus on what really matters in life.

Bobby:Hey, did anyone see that casting call for a commercial? It's only three lines, I could totally—no, no. I said I was quitting.

Police Officer:You know what you need? A Solomon-like solution.

Louie:Yeah, well, Solomon's been dead for three thousand years, and the Middle East still hasn't figured it out.

Police Officer:Checking for meat to ensure fair dog test

Bobby Benson:The dog went back to his original owner even though the guy beat him.

Tony Banta:Well, that proves it's his dog.

Louie De Palma:Yeah, the dog chose him. That settles it.