Come As You Arent

It's okay, I guess. Why am I being modest? I'm alone. It's perfect.

I bet you're wondering how you got a cab so fast in this rain. Well, it's because I've been sitting here admiring this window display. You see, I work here part-time at this art gallery.

You charmed me into it.

Thanks, but I've seen Jersey.

Rape... rape... rape!

You may have a little trouble getting that story to stick when the police find out I'm the National Secretary for the Gay Liberation Force.

He's faster than he looks.

Did I tip my hand again? Only to the trained eye.

Hey, Bobby, she thinks she had a bad fare. What happened? I had the QANTAS koala bear get carsick in my cab. And you don't want to know what a koala bear does when he gets carsick.

Yeah. You mean the place where you work as a receptionist.

No wonder you're down. You realized your lifelong ambition.

How can I turn down an invitation like that?

I don't lie. I fudge.

The liar's punishment is not that he is not believed but that he cannot believe anyone else. John, George Bernard Shaw said that. He did? Your father was George Bernard Shaw?

'Cause we're nobodies. We're stupid, ignorant, low-life cabbies.

John, George Bernard Shaw said that. He did? Your father was George Bernard Shaw?

Latka, in English. If they don't come, I don't come.

Perhaps some of those art-world cuties might want me to pose for them au naturel.

Phew! Who drive a sick koala bear?

I can only imagine.

Well, you can start anytime.

Ever heard of Betty's vodka? Gentlemen never tell.

Gentlemen never tell.

12 Cans. Canned champagne? I guess for those macho gourmets who like to crush something after a sip.

There's always the exception to the rule.

Party overalls... in truck...

Yeah, I can see that.

I am... chicken. I don't lie for the simple reason I am afraid of getting caught.

What are you drinking? Aren't there a lot of phonies here? Let's go to my place. Was it good for you?

You've been teaching him. Not me. I was going to ask for a copy myself.

Stop envying them.

Aren't there a lot of phonies here? Let's go to my place.

It must be the way he says it.

I put out oil fires. When an oil well catches on fire they call me in to put it out.

All holocausts may look alike but each one has a personality all its own.

I sort of like fudging.

Well, actually, I had 12 wells go up at one time.

Aren't there a lot of phonies here?

Well, I'll forgive you if you'll forgive the cheer I'm about to deafen you with.

Thanks. So you don't remember me, huh?!

Sure, I do. I just met you 30 seconds ago.

What do you do for a living? Excuse me.

A man waits all his life for a woman like that. What's so great about her? She's the kind of woman only firefighters get.

She called me garbage.

You know how women feel about garbage. Always wondering if what you've thrown out was important so you start digging through it until you find it again.

She spit on my shoes.

I'll die if you don't forgive me.

I don't know with those wild stories you're telling, you know?