Elaines Secret Admirer

I just got this sudden urge. / Uh-oh, you're doing it again.

Do you realize that every time you break up with a guy you paint your apartment?

Elaine, there must be 20 coats of paint here. It's been a rough year.

Let's see, the blue one is Tom, and under Tom was Roger, and under Roger was Eric, and under Eric was... I forget. Looks like a dull gray. My ex-husband.

Once in, uh, '65, some friends of mine and I painted my place by dipping our heads in buckets and then painting with our hair.

We were thinking of using brushes and rollers.

Hey, wait a minute, wait a minute, you know, this is silly, trying to do this and drink beer at the same time. You're right.

That's all right, as long as we don't put the sound on, we'll watch it every once in a while.

I got two models... The one-buck model and the ten-buck. What's the difference? The ten-buck takes me longer to pick.

Because the whole thing is just so stupid and corny and high school. And worst of all, it is getting me hot.

I once wrote a poem for my wife. She graded it.

You could have taken some time with that.

Cascading... cascades... cascading water... a waterfall... clouds... lots of them, white and puffy. You know, clouds... And flowers covered with dew, and trees hanging over, and you and me naked on a rock.

That is the most disgusting poetry. Just get away from me.

This close to the promised land.

I don't work weekends. You been gone nine days. Right. Jim. Weekends are only two days. Oh, I thought we'd switched to the metric system.

Yeah, if you consider dark, wavy hair, magnetic eyes and a killer smile attractive. Some women go for that.

Maybe he writes better than he looks, talks... is.

Sure. Is this you, Alex?

Couldn't find a poem? I couldn't find a library.

She only wants to know who wrote the poems because she doesn't know who wrote the poems.

She only wants to know who wrote the poems because she doesn't know who wrote the poems.

There are a lot of people in this world who think I'm a flake. Who thinks that? Me, for one.

Let's shake on it. We just shook on it. Oh, good.

Can you believe she fell for that? Hey, I fell for it, and I wrote them.

Y-You mean your head doesn't hurt and your tongue doesn't feel thick and grungy, and-and your body doesn't feel like it's been turned inside out? Yeah.

Jim, some people find that feeling very uncomfortable.

When I was with people, I was the life of the party, but I'd get home alone, all by myself, I'd clam up.

They're going away for the whole weekend. That's pretty serious... The two of them alone together for nine days.

Um, Pepe, Carlo, Pedro, uh, Pavlovsky, Carlos, uh, uh, Jeff, Ahmad... Latka. No. The bald guy who comes on Thursdays? Sheila? Sheila?

Well, that's everybody in the garage. So I guess it's nobody. / Yeah... it's nobody.

I know a pill that would do it. But it has a terrible side effect. Like what? It wears off.

I was, uh, going to buy you a scarf, but I couldn't find a department store.

I was, uh, going to buy you a scarf, but I couldn't find a department store.

Hey, uh, I didn't have time for a moat.

Well, uh... your castle has about 150,000 miles on it.

Hey, how about, uh, I crash here for a year or so?

But you are the dearest, sweetest, most wonderful person. / I think you're right.

Funny thing, there used to be a time when that was enough.