Louie Meets The Folks

He knocked you out in the second round. Yeah, but now he's going around shooting off his mouth, saying he can do it in one.

He says he had walking pneumonia or something that night, you know? Fever of 104. Oh, I hate a man who makes excuses. Me, too.

Would you please send me a photograph, a lock of your hair, one of your shirts, a pair of your shoes and a pillow you've slept on?

I can't believe that someone would have the nerve to ask for this stuff. I mean, the postage to send it would cost you... It came to $4.98.

Oh, yeah, you mean the one where my face is taped to the body of Miss October?

I think he means Zena. Oh, my mistake.

Look at Reiger and Ignatowski. They think you're serious. She loves me. I am serious.

On the floor! What a sense of humor! Stop it, Louie. You're making a jackass of yourself.

You mean, no more... slave girl and the emperor.

I'm a tough habit to break. You're a Louie addict. Nobody's been able to do it cold turkey.

It must be hard on a guy like Louie, not having any friends to talk to when you're in trouble, you know? Yeah, well, who cares? Let's play.

All he needs to do is relax, rest his mind, get in touch with the oneness of the universe.

Ooommm.

It worked.

Somebody get Sleeping Beauty out of here before I attach his tongue to a battery charger.

He's omed out.

Why? Because it's a fire drill. If you don't get out, you're all fired.

You can spare another human being two minutes of your time. Yes, but how does that relate to this conversation?

Why? She's punishing them for a lousy childhood?

Just the other day, I was thinking about kids and about a home and settling down, and suddenly, for the first time in my life, all those things didn't make me nauseous.

Oh, that's beautiful. You've got one minute left.

He's an exterminator? He's a minister.

We have a longtime awareness that the other exists, and we know each other's names.

By golly, my watch stopped.

I don't shake hands with anyone who's so close to my daughter. Oh, no, Mom, Mom. This is Louie.

I hope that Zena is as attractive as you in 60 years.

Strike one.

Besides, it's better to remain silent and be thought the fool than to speak and remove all doubt.

Well, if it's not, your daughter is hugging a stranger.

That was some joke! Yes... I'm bunching up phlegm, here, it was so good.

You can stand me up for God anytime.

It's just that her antenna doesn't pick up every channel, if you know what I mean.

Like the other night, she's laying in the bathtub... That's a mighty big bass you've got there, Mr. Sherman.

How do you keep a fish from smelling? I don't know. You cut off his nose.

Well, uh... now that we've exhausted that topic... does anybody want any more wine?

In fact, my cousin Guido probably had his feet in this a couple of weeks ago.

I hope we don't have to have a race to the can after dinner.

The fish again?

But Zena is the first non-pro I've ever been out with.

Before I met Zena, the longest relationship I ever had was 30 minutes.

You know what I'm talking about, huh, padre?

This tomato is the best thing that ever happened to Louie De Palma.

Do I have a choice?

I'm sorry, Beth, I already have a girl.

Because if you do, I'll have you killed.

You can hire people to do that for you, can't you? Yeah. Now, what do you call them? Hit men.

You can hire people to do that for you, can't you? Yeah. Now, what do you call them? Hit men.

But you know, it would probably ruin everything I've ever tried to do with my life. And poor Nathan! He would be destroyed, but it would be worth it, don't you think?

Switch with me. Huh? Switch with me. Why? Just do it.

I assure you, I meant everything I said from the bottom of my heart.

No, no, we... No. No.

See? And you were worried.