Wherefore Art Thou Bobby

Bobby:I got the suntan lotion commercial because I'm good-looking.

Alex:Oh, you're being modest about it, huh?

Louie:What are you doing with all these foreign currency conversions?

Latka:Is simple, Louie. In my country, one dollar equals three grivnacks. Three grivnacks equals one floob. One floob equals two and a half zonks.

Louie:Zonks? What the hell is a zonk?

Latka:Zonk is worth exactly half a grivnack, Louie. Is very logical.

Louie:So let me get this straight. You're telling me this whole currency system of yours came from a bubble gum wrapper?

Latka:That's right, Louie. I found it on the street, very official looking.

Louie:And you based your entire financial philosophy on a bubble gum wrapper?

Latka:What's the matter with you?

Latka:I apologize for the prank. I was just...

Latka:...how you say...pulling your leg? No, no, no. I was doing the Zorbanak Fleegenschnap!

Louie:Get outta here, you're the worst driver I've ever seen. You're a moron, a real dummy.

Steve:Gee, thanks Mr. De Palma. That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.

Tony:Can you believe it? An actor in New York City! What are the odds?

Alex:Tony, there are eight million people in this city. About seven million of them are actors.

Bobby:I got this really challenging commercial role. I play a man who comes home from work, opens his refrigerator, and smiles.

Latka:Louie, I cannot read your writing. What does this say?

Louie:It says 'I'm going to murder you.'

Latka:Murder? I thought you wrote 'merger.' I've been trying to schedule it all week!

Louie:No, no — murder. As in kill you.

Latka:Well, when were you thinking? I have Thursday open.

Tony:I was calling this guy an idiot, and I wasn't watching where I was going, so I walked right into a pole.

Bobby:What is this?

Latka:It's a good luck charm.

Bobby:It's not a good luck charm, he just doesn't want it.

Louie:Bobby doesn't respect my authority. He treats me like I'm nobody.

Alex:Louie, Bobby treats you exactly like everyone else. He ignores you, he contradicts you, and he does whatever he wants anyway.

Alex:Why do you want to deliver the bad news to Bobby?

Louie:Kicks.

Alex:You could tell him in one word.

Louie:Okay, Bobby, you're fired.

Louie:I'm gonna call Bobby! I'm gonna call Bobby!

Alex:Well, we'd all enjoy that.

Louie:Bobby, I promised I wouldn't call you, so I'm sending this telegram.

Bobby:What's it say?

Louie:You're fired.

Tony:Hey Bobby, that's a great tan. You go to Florida or something?

Bobby:It's makeup, Tony.

Tony:No, no, that's a real tan. I can tell. You got that glow.

Bobby:Tony, it's makeup. Stop.

Tony:Come on, what beach were you at? The color is perfect.

Bobby:Tony!

Tony:I'm just saying, you look great. Very healthy.

Tony:You know, Bobby, with all that makeup, you look like you're trying to hide something. At least I got an excuse — I got a window accident.

Bobby:Well, you see, I was lying on the beach, and a very attractive woman came by and stood on my left side for about three hours.

Alex:Bobby, we're about to tell you something that's gonna be very difficult to hear. So we're hoping you'll be mature about this, that you'll be rational, that you'll be calm, that you'll be understanding, and that you won't do any of the things that you usually do.

Alex:Hey, it's just a play. Shakespeare wrote a lot of stuff. Most of it was pretty good, some of it wasn't so hot.

Bobby:What are you laughing at? My appearance?

Louie:No, no, no. I got plenty of reasons to mock you before I even get to that.

Bobby:I got the role! I'm gonna be Romeo!

Bobby:You know what? I'm quitting. I'm done with acting.

Bobby:I finally got my dream role and I'm walking away. That's it. I'm out.

Bobby:Mr. De Palma, I appreciate it. Any cab will do. I've given up on acting.

Louie:You've given up on acting? And here I was, hoping to give you a cab with a broken heater, a stuck accelerator, and a driver's seat that won't adjust.

Steve:Bobby, you really need to put more effort into rehearsing.

Bobby:Ah, come on, Steve. I'm an actor—I don't need to rehearse. I just show up and do my thing.

Bobby:O Romeo, Romeo! Wherefore art thou Romeo? Deny thy father and refuse thy name. Or, if thou wilt not, be but sworn my love, and I'll no longer be a Capulet.

Bobby:What's in a name? That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet.

Bobby:O Romeo, Romeo! Wherefore art thou? Come forth, come forth!

Bobby:What light through yonder window breaks? It is the east, and Juliet is the sun!

Bobby:O Romeo, Romeo! Wherefore art thou Romeo? Deny thy father and refuse thy name; Or, if thou wilt not, be but sworn my love, And I'll no longer be a Capulet.

Tony:...

Alex:...

Louie:...

Elaine:...

Mario:...

Louie:You know what? This is gonna work perfectly. Bobby's gonna show those talent scouts exactly what he's made of, and there's nothing that schmuck can do about it.

Alex:Louie, why are you smiling like that?

Louie:Because, Reiger, for once in my miserable life, I'm gonna see something good happen to somebody, and it's gonna drive me absolutely crazy with joy.

Louie:His theatrical gratitude to the heavens for this entertainment

Bobby:You know, Louie, I've been thinking about what really drives a person. What makes them get up in the morning and face the world with determination and purpose.

Bobby:I realized that my inspiration comes from a very deep place. It's something so powerful, so meaningful...

Bobby:The burning desire to get revenge on you for all the rotten things you've done to me.

Bobby:Thank you, Louie.

Louie:You're welcome.

Alex:You know, Louie, what you just experienced reminds me of the Book of Job.

Louie:What do you mean?

Alex:Well, Job went from having everything to losing everything. Then he got it all back. Except in your case, you went from having nothing to having everything to having nothing again.

Louie:So what are you saying?

Alex:I'm saying you're worse off than Job. At least he only had to suffer twice.