The Apartment

Tony claims he drove Neil Armstrong and when asked where he took him, says 'The unemployment office'

Tony shows off what he claims is a piece of the moon that Neil Armstrong gave him instead of cab fare

Bobby suggests the Neil Armstrong might be a phony, and Tony responds 'if he was a phony, where did he get a piece of the moon?'

Louie says McKenzie 'had my butt for breakfast'

Louie promises not to fire whoever slept in the office, just 'briefly torture you with a soldering iron'

Everyone realizes Latka is in the bathroom and calls his name

Latka!

Latka responds to being called with 'Is occupied' from the bathroom

Louie yells 'Get that thing out of your mouth!' at Latka who is brushing his teeth

Louie forces Latka to swallow toothpaste, and Latka says 'Mmm! Not bad.'

When told the cleaning lady found 'a strange man' sleeping in the office, Latka asks 'How did she know I was strange?'

Louie tells Latka 'You can work here, you can sweat here, you can even die here, but you cannot live here.'

Someone tells Louie to 'take a nice, deep breath and never let it out'

When asked why his building was torn down, Latka says 'Because it would not burn.'

When told to go to his ambassador for help, Latka reveals 'But ambassador was my roommate.'

Alex describes an apartment offer as 'One room for one night including roommate and complimentary cocktail'

Louie says he threw Latka's stuff in the street himself after Latka thought a 'terrible person' did it

Latka says the apartment manager wants to 'put me on a leash' instead of 'lease'

When asked about taking the bus, Latka says 'it's parked on my sport coat'

Alex repeatedly saying 'Latka!' in increasing disbelief at the luxury apartment

Latka asks 'Why do you keep saying my name over and over?'

Learning the apartment costs $3,000 a month when Latka only has $3,000 total

Oh, what am I going to do next month?

When the maid appears, Latka says 'See? It comes with a maid.'

Alex comparing the apartment residents to 'the Rockefellers, the Vanderbilts, the Bee Gees'

Latka saying goodbye to luxury items: 'Good-bye, couch. Good-bye, carpet. Good-bye, lush contemporary decor.'

Well, I just wanted to say that, uh, we-we'll take it.

So, are you ready for nik-nik?

Uh, yes, my swizzle stick is a little limp.

Tony suggests to avoid embarrassment of formal announcement: 'Don't leave'

Tony ordering increasingly elaborate drinks from the maid: foreign beer, frosted mug, make it two, peanuts

Bobby's over-the-top self-introduction: 'A gentleman who needs no introduction... an artist in a world of philistines... our last hope for the life of the theater... a man who bestrides this world like a colossus... ladies and gentlemen, the legend we call Robert Wheeler.'

Alex points out 'that's your 14th grand entrance of the day'

Tony and Bobby both want to bring dates and flip a coin, with Tony calling heads and Bobby saying 'I win. I get the game room.'

Tony's response to getting the master bedroom: 'I guess I'll just have to figure out something to do in the master bedroom.'

Elaine in the Jacuzzi: 'Oh, I love every wrinkle on every toe.'

Latka explains sharing in his country: 'You know, in my country, everyone shares with everyone... Otherwise they shoot you.'

Elaine's relaxation is interrupted by 'There's a Mr. Louie De Palma here to see you' and she responds 'I just remembered' (tension and unhappiness)

Bobby trying to have Louie turned away: 'I don't recall a De Palma. Send him packing.'

Louie's request to the maid: 'Inga... suds.'

Louie's compliment: 'This is a nice apartment. You're going to feel like killing yourselves when you got to leave.'

This is a nice apartment. You're going to feel like killing yourselves when you got to leave.

Response to Louie being locked out: 'Quick, get some boards and nails' / 'Are you kidding? Our booze is in there.'

Louie announces 'By the way... you're out of scotch' after being locked out

Elaine's reason for staying another month: 'Do you know that right now my kids are down at the swimming pool taking swimming lessons, and in the afternoon, they have tennis lessons, and the elevator operator is teaching them French.'

Tony's promise about the rent party: 'I ain't making no promises, but maybe I can get Neil Armstrong here.'

At the failed party, someone says 'some of the women around here are real dogs' and a dog barks in response

Alex's speech about not needing women: explains how they didn't need women as kids, then ends with 'I'm going to try to get to know each and every one of you here tonight... then I'm gonna go out and chase down some chicks, of course.'

When Elaine offers to dance, the men surge forward and Tony says 'Just step back a little. Give her some room... Elaine will dance, we will watch.'

Tony talking to imaginary person named Don: 'Don, see Elaine dance? Yeah. Dance, Elaine.'

Alex tells Latka 'No one with a friend like you can be called a loser.'

Latka's reflection: 'You know, for me to live in a place like this has been a miracle. And someday, when things are bad, and I have no money and no food, and I'm depressed, I will think about this month that I lived here, and I will feel even worse.'

Latka's final interaction with the maid: 'Nik-nik?' 'Oh, thank you very much.'