In her cab, Elaine picks up a woman who turns out to be her old high-school rival, Mary. Elaine is embarrassed that she is a cab driver, especially since Mary heads a prestigious ad agency, so to save face, Elaine makes up a story about having a wonderful boyfriend who is a Columbia University professor. Over the next few days, Mary calls Elaine to try to arrange a dinner with their respective boyfriend's, but Elaine keeps making excuses, as she is ashamed that she made up a lie about having a boyfriend. When Elaine is about ready to confess her lie to Mary over the phone, Alex grabs the phone, pretending to be Elaine's boyfriend, and accepts her dinner invitation for that evening. At dinner, Alex is so charming, in an effort to make their relationship look very loving, that all of a sudden, Mary and her boyfriend become jealous that they don't have such an exciting relationship. Meanwhile, even Elaine is swept up in the moment, and is taken by Alex's romantic acting job. Having d
Solid character work carries 39 jokes through a middling episode at 1.87 per minute.
WAR
24.4
Wins Above Replacement
“Elaines Old Friend” ranks #95 of 114 Taxi episodes on the Humor Index, scoring 73.2 — Solid. The episode packs 39 scored jokes at 1.9 per minute, averaging 6.7 on craft and 6.6 on impact, with Elaine landing the most laughs. Every joke is ranked below with its individual craft and impact scores.
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Top Jokes
Latka: I need friends, I need car, I need apartment, I need stereo, I need color TV, I need VCR, I need microwave, I need hot tub, I need Jacuzzi, I need sauna...
Latka: Wait a minute. I said friends is all you need!
Latka: Forget it. I need a lawyer.
Latka Escalation Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Callback Louie: Yeah, well, I don't run into 'em. I run 'em over.
Louie Dark/Subversive Setup/Punchline ★ Rewatch Mary: Board is an unusual last name.
Alex: Well, Bill has two brothers. There's his older brother, Sign Board, and his younger brother, Paste Board.
Alex Wordplay/Pun Escalation ★ Rewatch Callback Elaine: I have a boyfriend. His name is Billboard.
Mary: Billboard?
Elaine: Bill Board. Two words.
Latka: And when a man sees a beautiful woman, he gets all... foaming at the mouth. Like a dog with the rabies!
Latka Escalation Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Callback All Jokes — 39 analyzed
Show all ↓ Hide ↑ Drunk Passenger: I had the most terrible afternoon. You want to know what happened?
Elaine: Sure.
Drunk Passenger: I went to see my girlfriend. You know what she told me?
Elaine: She left you?
Drunk Passenger: Yeah... Then I went to a bar to drown my sorrows. You know what happened there?
Elaine: You got drunk?
Drunk Passenger: Exactly... Then I came here in this cab. You know what I'm feeling right now?
Elaine: Loneliness?
Drunk Passenger: Yeah...
Elaine: You too, huh?
Elaine: How are you going to find your plane?
Drunk Passenger: Don't worry about it. They'll wait for me. They always do.
Mary: Give me an E! Give me an L! Give me an A! Give me an I! Give me an N! Give me an E! What's that spell? ELAINE! What's that spell? ELAINE!
Elaine: Never heard of it.
Mary Elaine Setup/Punchline Deadpan/Understatement ★ Rewatch Mary: I'm surprised to see the homecoming queen driving a cab.
Elaine: What are you talking about?
Mary: Well, I just assumed... Wait. I was the homecoming queen.
Mary: I was too popular in high school to do any of those things.
Mary Character Comedy Cringe/Discomfort Elaine: Yeah, well, I once got a really good parking spot.
Elaine Reaction Beat Cringe/Discomfort Mary: Well, you know, you're very pretty.
Mary Cringe/Discomfort Character Comedy Elaine: I have a boyfriend. His name is Billboard.
Mary: Billboard?
Elaine: Bill Board. Two words.
Mary: I'd love to meet your boyfriend.
Elaine: I'd love to meet him too. He doesn't exist.
Elaine Reaction Beat Irony/Sarcasm ★ Rewatch Elaine: I was so depressed this morning, I didn't even floss.
Elaine Character Comedy Escalation Tony: Does she have big breasts and a nice ass?
Elaine: No.
Tony: Then forget Mary Parker. I want to meet the other one.
Louie: Yeah, well, I don't run into 'em. I run 'em over.
Louie Dark/Subversive Setup/Punchline ★ Rewatch Bobby: A cushion? What kind of cushion?
Elaine: Just a regular cushion. For the car seat.
Bobby: Where'd you get it?
Elaine: I don't know, some store.
Bobby: Well, how much did it cost?
Bobby Running Gag Character Comedy Louie: Obedience school? You went to obedience school like a dog?
Bobby: I was voted 'Most Talented'!
Louie: Yeah, well they must've graded on a curve.
Louie Setup/Punchline Character Comedy Louie: Your brain is so small, it could be shared among three people and none of you would notice the difference.
Louie Setup/Punchline Character Comedy Jim Running Gag Character Comedy Callback Latka: You know, Elaine, is like my country say: when the bird is sad, he must remember he have the wings. The wings, they take him to the sky, and in the sky, there is no sadness, only the clouds and the hope.
Latka Character Comedy Escalation Latka: Who needs anything else? I have my friends.
Latka: Well, I need food.
Latka: And shelter.
Latka: And maybe a woman.
Latka Escalation Character Comedy Callback Latka: You don't need anything else.
Latka: Well, maybe a home.
Latka Escalation Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Callback Latka: And when a man sees a beautiful woman, he gets all... foaming at the mouth. Like a dog with the rabies!
Latka Escalation Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Callback Latka: I need friends, I need car, I need apartment, I need stereo, I need color TV, I need VCR, I need microwave, I need hot tub, I need Jacuzzi, I need sauna...
Latka: Wait a minute. I said friends is all you need!
Latka: Forget it. I need a lawyer.
Latka Escalation Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Callback Louie: Mary's on the phone.
Elaine: Which Mary?
Louie: The one who looks like she was put together by a committee.
Louie Character Comedy Setup/Punchline Elaine: Mary, I can't talk right now, I'm... I'm busy.
Alex: Hi Mary, this is Alex Rieger, Elaine's boyfriend.
Alex Character Comedy Misdirection Bobby: You know what my problem is? I can't get anything to stick.
Bobby: I tried tape, glue, staples... nothing works.
Bobby: Even tried rubber cement. My fingers have been stuck together for three days.
Bobby: But that's not even the worst part.
Bobby: Now I can't get my wife to stick around either!
Bobby Running Gag Escalation Callback Alex: You almost named him Volkswagen Karmen Ghia.
Alex Wordplay/Pun Callback ★ Rewatch Callback Elaine: Could I please have some water? I'm a little nervous about dinner.
Alex: Water? What, is your arm broken?
Mary: Board is an unusual last name.
Alex: Well, Bill has two brothers. There's his older brother, Sign Board, and his younger brother, Paste Board.
Alex Wordplay/Pun Escalation ★ Rewatch Callback Alex: We met at the Metropolitan Museum of Art. I was standing in front of a Monet, completely mesmerized by the way the light played across the water lilies. She came and stood beside me, and without saying a word, she knew exactly what I was feeling. We stood there for what felt like hours, just two souls communicating through the universal language of impressionist art. Then she turned to me and said, 'Isn't it beautiful?' And I said, 'Yes. Yes, it is.' We got married three weeks later.
Alex Character Comedy Setup/Punchline Alex: I spent three weeks looking for Elaine in every museum in the city.
Alex: I had to. She said she was going to the museum, and I wasn't about to let her get away without saying goodbye.
Alex: And there she was, stepping into my cab that fateful evening. Her eyes sparkled like stars reflected in the East River. Her voice was like honey mixed with velvet. Every word she spoke was a symphony to my ears.
Elaine: Alex, who are you talking about?
Alex: You, Elaine. It was you all along.
Elaine: Me?! Alex, I just asked you for directions to the bathroom!
Elaine Reaction Beat Cringe/Discomfort Mary: So there I was at this coffee shop, and this guy walks in...
Michael: It was a bagel place.
Mary: It was a coffee shop. Anyway, he had the most amazing smile...
Michael: He was grimacing. He had gas.
Mary: Michael! He asked me out that very moment...
Michael: You asked him out. He said no twice.
Mary: I wish I had a boyfriend like Bill.
Mary Reaction Beat Character Comedy Alex: I never want to let go of your hand.
Elaine: That's sweet, but how am I supposed to eat?
Alex: I'll feed you.
Elaine: With what? You're holding my other hand.
Alex: So the kid prays every night for a train set. Christmas morning comes, no train set. He looks up and says, 'Well, God answered my prayers... He said no.'
Alex Setup/Punchline Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Alex: I was at the grocery store yesterday, and I ran into your son. He was telling me about his new job at the architecture firm. He seemed really excited about this project downtown.
Elaine: My son? I don't have a son.
Alex: What? Sure you do. He was telling me all about it. He said you were very supportive of his career change.
Elaine: Alex, I don't have any children. I've never had a son.
Alex: That's... that's weird. He looked just like you. He even had your mannerisms. He kept doing that thing with his hand when he talked.
Elaine: Alex, you made that up. You're making me very uncomfortable right now.
Mary: Dance with me to our song.
Michael: We don't have a song.
Elaine: You said my back was a poem.
Alex: I say that to everyone.
Alex: It meant nothing. I'm not attracted to you at all.
Elaine: Then what's that?
Alex: What's what?
Elaine: That.
Alex Elaine Physical/Slapstick Irony/Sarcasm ★ Rewatch Alex: It didn't mean anything. It was just a kiss. People kiss all the time. It was nothing.
Alex: I'm not flustered. Why would I be flustered? I kiss people constantly. This is completely normal for me.
Alex: Look, it happened, but it doesn't change anything between us. Nothing at all. Everything is exactly the same as it was before.
Alex Reaction Beat Character Comedy Callback