In an effort to freshen up the guest list, Larry agrees to have a controversial performance on, then chickens out when he sees the guy's routine.
WAR
71.4
Wins Above Replacement
“The Performance Artist” ranks #61 of 90 The Larry Sanders Show episodes on the Humor Index, scoring 85.4 — Elite. The episode packs 61 scored jokes at 2.7 per minute, averaging 7.3 on craft and 7.0 on impact, with Larry Sanders landing the most laughs. Every joke is ranked below with its individual craft and impact scores.
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Top Jokes
Artie · Larry Sanders: Artie interjects to defend Larry: 'I have to interject. Uh, he has balls. I got to say it.' Larry: 'I have balls. But they're little, tiny ones. I hide them behind a desk.'
Larry: I agree.
Then don't say anything.
Larry: I got excited. I had the answer.
Gene Barry: Gene Barry says he saw Tim Miller on the Leno show and recommends Larry book him: 'He's the kind of guy who'd be perfect on this show. You should book him.'
Larry: Your brain doesn't have any cognizance of anything.
Larry: But we have him on every month, Artie.
Artie: Hank's on every night.
Larry: I've been meaning to talk to you about that.
All Jokes — 61 analyzed
Show all ↓ Hide ↑ Larry: When does that come out?
George: I don't know.
And has she been released?
No. She's still in the can.
Artie: I almost had to run to the can myself
Larry: But we have him on every month, Artie.
Artie: Hank's on every night.
Larry: I've been meaning to talk to you about that.
Artie: Ben vereen. Up and tapping, thank god. Susan dey. Pertful little skirtfull.
Artie Callback Wordplay/Pun Callback Artie: That's why the good lord invented videotape.
Larry: 10:00 tomorrow!
Artie: That means 10:30?
Larry: Yeah. 10:30 sharp.
Artie Irony/Sarcasm Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Hank: Mark my words, children. Somebody is going down. They started with Jerry. They'll do it again.
Artie Wordplay/Pun Character Comedy Phil: We didn't introduce R.E.M. as "rem" last week.
Hank: Oh, my brave, brave Phil. Always with the jokes and yet so very desperate.
Artie Deadpan/Understatement Character Comedy If somebody gets fired, it will be me.
No. No, it is. I've been here the shortest time.
Hank: He'll take antidepressants, and everything will be normal.
Larry: I'm just getting a haircut.
Phil Character Comedy Observational ★ Rewatch Hank: Hey, a haircut, huh?
Larry: No. He's just checking it.
Hank: That's a great haircut.
Larry: He's just started.
Larry: Do you want to just give me one second?
Larry: I can sum up with one word-- guests.
Artie: Guests. Thank you, Jesus.
What did you think the problem was?
[All] Guests.
Larry: I know you, Kiki. How's your... How's your, uh--
Kiki: Well. Thanks.
Could you repeat that last part?
Which part?
About the people...
Was I unclear about--
Clear to me.
Perfectly clear.
Hank: Could you repeat that last part?
Larry: Which part?
Hank: About the people...
Larry: Was I unclear about--
Hank: Clear to me. Perfectly clear.
Larry: And who is Al Nelson?
He's the plate spinner.
He was a regular on Sullivan 30 years ago.
He's older now, and he's started using Chinette, but people still flip for him.
Phil: This is a booking problem, right?
Artie: Phil, shut the fuck up.
Larry: I'll handle it. Phil, shut the fuck up.
Larry: Mike, you're new here.
Mike: I'll let that slide, but--
Larry: Hank, put your hand down.
Hank: Robert Conrad.
No. No. Owes me a favor. Pick up the phone. Hello, Bobby.
Hank: Raymond Burr, with whom I once had the honor of playing golf.
Hank: Hello, Perry.
Artie Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Artie: Performance art. That's a bunch of dog poop. What does he do? Get stark naked? Cover himself with chocolate syrup?
Reading the pretentious review: 'A garrulous assault of anecdote, humor, observation, and social comment punctuated by movement and channeled through life experience.'
A sperm looking like Jesse Helms tries to catch me. I elude him and find a willing lesbian ovum.
Tim Miller Dark/Subversive Absurdist Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Larry: All right. All right. That is not necessary.
Larry: I apologize for our audience. Let's try and stay open.
Hank: Right. Stay open.
Tim Miller Dark/Subversive Absurdist Setup/Punchline ★ Rewatch Audience member: Go back to San Francisco!
Tim Miller: I'm from L.A.
Artie: I warned you with my eyes.
Larry: I heard nothing. I saw nothing.
Larry: The tape was not that gay.
Larry: He's talking about butt plugs. He's talking about his father's orgasm.
Artie: Artie tells Tim Miller: 'We think you're terrific, timbo. The network simply will not let us air it.' — an outright lie delivered with complete sincerity
Artie Irony/Sarcasm Character Comedy Artie: Listen to me, Melody, the man said "butt plug" three times! And you and I both know you can't--
You can say "butt plug"? Since when?
Larry: The network says that it is our decision and they find no problem with the piece.
Artie: What do you mean?
Artie: They're hanging us out to dry.
Artie Character Comedy Escalation ★ Rewatch Callback Artie: You can say 'butt plug'? Since when?
Artie Irony/Sarcasm Character Comedy Artie: I'll count to 10, and if you agree with my choice, don't say anything.
Larry: I agree.
Artie: Then don't say anything.
Larry: I got excited. I had the answer.
Larry: I agree.
Then don't say anything.
Larry: I got excited. I had the answer.
Phil: I told my friends to watch Tim Miller last night.
Why, Phil?
Phil: They haven't seen anything that good since my college roommate's nervous breakdown.
Phil Dark/Subversive Deadpan/Understatement Liz Smith review: 'Sanders cans performance by Miller. Late-night funny man Larry Sanders couldn't take the heat last night, so he threw Mr. Miller out of the kitchen.'
Artie Irony/Sarcasm Observational Callback Staff: Calling him the Jesse Helms of late-night television.
Artie: Well, hell. That's not so bad.
Hank: I'm not mentioned in either article.
Larry: Your brain doesn't have any cognizance of anything.
Larry: And my, uh, whole face. It looks great.
George: Your whole face.
Guest comedian: If you're so square, I might as well do Leno.
Audience: Ooh!
Larry: I hide them behind a desk.
Tim Miller: And don't call me Timbo anymore, okay?
Tim Miller: Television degrades everybody on it and everybody who watches it.
Artie · Larry Sanders: Artie interjects to defend Larry: 'I have to interject. Uh, he has balls. I got to say it.' Larry: 'I have balls. But they're little, tiny ones. I hide them behind a desk.'
Larry: Turn it off. You know, Tim's great. He's got a story to tell. He's telling how we screwed him.
Guest: There's this comic I saw on the Leno show-- a guy named Tim Miller-- who would have been sensational. He's the kind of guy who'd be perfect on this show. You should book him.
Tim Miller · Artie: Miller to Artie: 'And don't call me Timbo anymore, okay?' Artie: 'Oh, quite right. That's inexcusable. May I call you Tim?' Miller: 'Yeah.' Artie: 'Is that yes?'
Tim Miller: Miller to Larry and Artie: 'You're just puppets. I just won't appeal to the lowest common denominator, ok? Television degrades everybody on it and everybody who watches it. Now, Tim. Fuck it, and fuck television. I don't need it.'
Tim Miller: Miller begins performing his piece again spontaneously in the hallway/office: 'A hideous sperm that looks like Senator Jesse Helms—' then completes the full piece again
Tim Miller · Talk Show Host: Tim Miller does an interview on another show about Larry censoring him; the interviewer says 'I can't believe that's the same piece of material they wouldn't let you do on Larry Sanders' show.'
Larry Sanders · Talk Show Host: The rival talk show host tells Miller about America being a 'free country' while clearly performing the same function as Larry's show; Larry watches and says 'Turn it off.'
Artie: Artie, having watched the whole Miller disaster unfold: 'I finally found the boundaries, huh? This one's in the pocket.'
Artie Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Larry Sanders · Gene Barry: The next in-show guest conversation: 'You're not smoking, which I thought was a delight for you.' Guest: 'It was, but as I say, it's just kind of fallen away.' Larry: 'All right. Just the cigars, I hope.' 'Just the cigars.' 'Everything else is right there.' 'Good. You got to have something to light.'
Gene Barry · Larry Sanders: Gene Barry mentions Dom DeLuise is in Burke's Law; Larry: 'I'm a big fan of Dom DeLuise.' Gene: 'I am too, but you haven't read the script.'
Gene Barry: Gene Barry says he saw Tim Miller on the Leno show and recommends Larry book him: 'He's the kind of guy who'd be perfect on this show. You should book him.'
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