Larry begins an affair with a much younger show intern which causes resentment among the staff and places him in the awkward position of meeting her parents. Hank insists on a buying a race horse for himself, Larry and Artie in honor of the show's eighth anniversary.
WAR
94.3
Wins Above Replacement
“0.409” ranks #64 of 90 The Larry Sanders Show episodes on the Humor Index, scoring 85.1 — Elite. The episode packs 82 scored jokes at 3.3 per minute, averaging 7.3 on craft and 7.0 on impact, with Larry Sanders landing the most laughs. Every joke is ranked below with its individual craft and impact scores.
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Top Jokes
Hank: If anybody should be fucking her, it should be me. I'm closer to her age than Larry.
Nina Deadpan/Understatement Reaction Beat ★ Rewatch John Stamos · Larry Sanders: I'm gonna meet her parents tomorrow. / You're gonna have a great time.
Artie: Comes the waterworks. I'm outta here.
Shawn Colvin: That's good, well, maybe they'll pop for the bill. One can only hope.
Phil: I can look at anyone, except Victoria Principal, and guess exactly how old they are.
All Jokes — 82 analyzed
Show all ↓ Hide ↑ Larry Sanders: I had a smoke detector installed in my ass, and I don't hear any beeping
Larry Sanders: My ass takes 'd' cells. I'll check it later.
Artie: I'd do it, Hank, but I made plans to put all my cash in a bag and toss it over a cliff
Artie Reaction Beat Character Comedy Callback Larry Sanders: I can't even afford a bag
Artie Deadpan/Understatement Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Artie: We should just hire a fucking woodpecker for a sidekick
Beverly: Don't think of her as a person. Just think of her as an employee.
Larry Sanders: Oh! I was just stretching.
Beverly Character Comedy Observational Larry Sanders: Can't wait to meet your sisters the Pinta and the Santa Maria
Nina: I've heard that one before.
Larry Sanders: Well, it dates back to 1492.
Nina: I don't doubt it.
Oh! Oh! Why weren't the cameras still rolling?!
Beverly Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement ★ Rewatch Phil: Frasier goes on date. My God in heaven! Don't let me forget to set my VCR!
Artie: Phil, scurry back to your hutch and cogitate a little more, my boy
Artie: If we do this desk piece, the audience will rush the stage and burn down the desk
Artie: Don't tell us! Tell the career suicide hotline! Bye-bye!
Larry: Well, that's what separates you from the others. It's a classic. It works, you know?
Hank: What cologne are you wearing?
Larry: Sand dabs. I don't like to eat them. I just rub them on.
Larry Sanders: I am a sick fuck. I'm a sick, sick fuck.
Nina: No, you're a great fuck.
Artie Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement Larry: Because you're just clearly younger than me and yet more together, and I find that depressing.
Artie Deadpan/Understatement Character Comedy Phil Artie Dark/Subversive Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Larry: Promise?
Nina: Cheese?
Larry Sanders: I don't think so. I didn't adopt her, I just slept with her.
Hank: Wouldn't I like to give her the old pork sausage? Hello, Jimmy Dean. Enh. Enh.
Hank: Larry? I wanna thank you for 8 wonderful years. This is my gift to you. And I love you.
Artie: Comes the waterworks. I'm outta here.
Hank: If anybody should be fucking her, it should be me. I'm closer to her age than Larry.
Nina Deadpan/Understatement Reaction Beat ★ Rewatch Beverly: Between the O.J. verdicts, Showgirls, and Larry dating an 18-year-old, that's it. I'm killing myself.
Phil: And no jury in the world would convict you.
Phil: I can look at anyone, except Victoria Principal, and guess exactly how old they are.
John Stamos: I go to see a movie, I guess, probably once every couple weeks.
Larry Sanders: Absolutely.
John Stamos: Right.
Larry Sanders: There you go.
John Stamos: You can get alcohol there just in case the show's a little slow.
John Stamos: Are you seeing anyone?
Larry: What's going on... no. No. No, single. Single. Yes. Dating around? What do you... yeah, well. Yeah. Who you dating? Anyone we know? Anyone... no. No one... no one to speak of.
Hank: We've been together 8 years... being sentimental. You know. I just... but in a professional, platonic way.
Artie: You are very close to sexual harassment.
Artie Deadpan/Understatement Reaction Beat Larry Sanders: What the fuck do you think you're doing? It's a beautiful song, and I have feelings, and thank you for ruining it.
Larry Sanders: I don't give a fuck about a horse. I have a car.
Larry Sanders: Or should I say, glad you could Sta-mos?
Larry Sanders: This appears to be the Saved by the Bell reunion.
Larry Sanders: Hey, they let O.J. go, didn't they? Come on. Isn't that enough?
Shawn Colvin: That's good, well, maybe they'll pop for the bill. One can only hope.
We just lie in bed together and laugh at you.
Larry Sanders: I often read the menu right before I actually order. Otherwise, I find them boring.
Hank: He jumped the rail, and he dumped the jockey, and he ran across the infield... he got into the parking lot and out onto Colorado Boulevard.
Hank: I don't know how, but he got into the parking lot and out onto colorado Boulevard.
Hank: We should be expecting 2, maybe 3 lawsuits.
Beverly: You need to go through a lot of pain to be interesting.
Larry Sanders: I didn't get interesting until after my first marriage, and then I was so fucking interesting, I couldn't get out of bed for a month.
Larry Sanders: Fucking John Stamos. I can't believe they're still there.
Larry Sanders: I talked to John Stamos for 11 minutes the other night on the show, and you want... I nearly went into a coma.
Artie Observational Irony/Sarcasm Larry Sanders: You're gonna have a great time.
Shawn Colvin: That's good, well, maybe they'll pop for the bill. One can only hope.
Nina's Father · Larry Sanders: Didn't you just break up with your second wife? / Yes, we... actually about a year ago.
Nina's Mom · Nina's Dad · Larry Sanders: We're huge fans of your show. / Didn't you just break up with your second wife? / Yes, we... actually about a year ago. / Oh, a year.
Nina's Mom: You know, when we can't catch your show, we tape it, and then we just lie in bed together and laugh at you.
Nina's Mom: Really, it's such an honor to meet you. Really.
Nina's Mom Cringe/Discomfort Deadpan/Understatement Callback Larry Sanders: Uh, the menu. I often read the menu right before I actually order. Otherwise, I find them boring.
Nina's Dad: $1.25 minimum. Jerks to do that. Can't come in here... what if you want something that's a dollar?
Nina's Dad · Nina: Because I'm the guy that has to pay for 'em. / Well, you know what, dad? If it's such a hardship to you, maybe you shouldn't buy the plane ticket at all. I'll just walk home.
Beverly: You went out with her parents? That must have been nice. You didn't have to drive.
Beverly Deadpan/Understatement Irony/Sarcasm Beverly: Nothin'. What? / No, I... I'm not gonna say anything unless I get total immunity.
Beverly Character Comedy Misdirection Larry Sanders · Beverly: Larry: 'What was that? What was that sound?' / 'Why don't you just say what's on your mind?'
Beverly: Larry, I think you should grow up and get involved in an adult relationship. No, not this father/daughter bizarro thing that you're doing here.
Beverly Character Comedy Dark/Subversive Larry Sanders · Beverly: I think you're absolutely right. I think it's sick. / If you don't get your life together, you're gonna be a complete freakin' mess.
Beverly · Artie · Larry Sanders: You shouldn't be laughing. / She's talking about you. / No... Larry, I'm really talking to you.
Artie: Sid, there's no 'p' in 'ammunition.' That's a 'b.' Never mind.
Artie Character Comedy Absurdist Artie · Hank Kingsley: Hanky-panky, how did we do with bub's-a-winner in the ninth? / Win? Place? Show? / Not exactly.
Hank Kingsley: He went off at 24-1, and I put 1,000 to win on him, and at the 16th pole, he was 9 lengths ahead.
Hank Kingsley: He jumped the rail, and he dumped the jockey, and he ran across the infield. I don't know how, but he got into the parking lot and out onto Colorado Boulevard.
Hank Kingsley: No, no, the horse is fine, but apparently some cars had to swerve around him, and we should be expecting 2, maybe 3 lawsuits.
Larry Sanders: You know, I don't know much about horse racing. How much exactly did we win?
Nina · Larry Sanders: The Black Crowes signed my CD. Oh, that is great. Yes, that's...
Nina · Larry Sanders: Oh, 'cause I thought we'd talked about going rollerblading. / Oh, that's right. God, I forgot. Oh, jeez. Oh, I can't. I just can't tonight.
Beverly: I didn't get interesting until after my first marriage, and then I was so fucking interesting, I couldn't get out of bed for a month.
Beverly Dark/Subversive Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Larry Sanders: I'm just really afraid that... you know, that I've damaged her in some way, and that she's gonna have a, you know, a whole different outlook on men.
Beverly: That is such bullshit. You are feeling guilty, and you're giving yourself way too much credit. You don't have any reason to feel guilty. She's fine. She's having a great time over there.
Beverly Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Larry Sanders: Fucking John Stamos. I can't believe they're still there.
Larry Sanders: She's faking it. She's not having a good time. Because you know what? I know. I talked to John Stamos for 11 minutes the other night on the show, and you want... I nearly went into a coma.
Larry Sanders: Yeah, well, she used to say I was funny, so evidently it means nothing.
Beverly: Well, he's a fucking asshole. He won't be on the show anymore. Don't have him on your show anymore.
Beverly Character Comedy Dark/Subversive John Stamos · Larry Sanders: Hey, Larry! I didn't know you were over here. / John. God, hey, I... good to see ya.
John Stamos: hey, Larry, you don't... this is not uncomfortable or anything... the thing with nina? You're not un... oh, jeez, I didn't even realize you were...
John Stamos · Larry Sanders: I'm gonna meet her parents tomorrow. / You're gonna have a great time.
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