A surprise visit by Larry's ex-wife causes an unusual triangle between her, Larry and Hank. Larry offers a cappuccino machine as a substitute for the daily office run to Starbucks.
WAR
87.3
Wins Above Replacement
“Jeannie's Visit” ranks #42 of 90 The Larry Sanders Show episodes on the Humor Index, scoring 87.2 — Elite. The episode packs 74 scored jokes at 3.3 per minute, averaging 7.3 on craft and 7.0 on impact, with Larry Sanders landing the most laughs. Every joke is ranked below with its individual craft and impact scores.
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Top Jokes
Hank: I ate everything in the mini bar while you were asleep. I'll send you a check.
Jeannie Sanders · Larry Sanders: Jeannie announces she's engaged. Larry: 'Well, when did you get engaged?' Jeannie: 'At about 11:45 last night.'
Larry: Now there's where you just got to say, 'hey, son, you're grounded.'
Hank: His family completely screwed him up. [...] did they spank him?
Jeannie: Yes. Constantly.
Artie: I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but you're never coming back again, are you?
Jeannie: No.
All Jokes — 74 analyzed
Show all ↓ Hide ↑ Larry: My next guest, I'm sure you'll recognize. She is an inter... I can't even say this... she's an internationally known model and actress.
Larry: I'm American, and I'm used to only kissing on one cheek. That's OK. Second of all, just being who I am, I'm always just happy with one kiss
Larry: I figure the second one's... I'm gonna somehow get hurt. Usually a kiss on one side and a hit on the other.
Larry: If you were asian, we would have bowed.
I love oslo.
That's in norway.
Yes, it's norway.
Paula! Paula, you gotta help me. Jeannie's coming up in the elevator.
Artie Deadpan/Understatement Character Comedy Larry: Wow, that is so rare to find someone else who likes Italian food.
Artie Deadpan/Understatement Escalation Artie: No, I'm asking the guy with one eye in row 6. I don't think he knows either.
Larry: Again? We have David duchovny again.
Jeannie: Larry's office hasn't changed a bit.
Larry: Oh, is, uh, that right?
Artie: The wayans family is in there. A lot of fun going on. Hey, big house party.
Larry: Mucho blood, but, you know, not as bad as it looks. Lot of veins in the scalp.
Artie Deadpan/Understatement Character Comedy Larry: I just have dinner every night with the third guest. It just happens to be tatjana tonight.
Tatjana: Vendela was right. It's so terrific in here.
Tatjana: I can't believe I drove an hour for that.
Hank: You know these supermodels have no stored fat. When they gotta eat, they gotta eat.
Hank: It's so typical. You know, I warm 'em up and just... Larry scores.
Jeannie: He looked right through me.
Hank: Oh, I know. I know. It's a cold stare.
Jeannie: Yeah, like, um, hi. I'm a star. Who are you?
Hank: I also do cagney, you know.
Hank: His family completely screwed him up. [...] did they spank him?
Jeannie: Yes. Constantly.
Hank: You dirty rat. You killed my brother, see? And now I'm gonna kill you, see?
Jeannie: Hank, that's my dress.
Hank: I ate everything in the mini bar while you were asleep. I'll send you a check.
Hank: Mr. Washington, you know, these wooden teeth will last a lifetime, as long as you don't put a, uh, Beaver in your mouth.
Artie Deadpan/Understatement Reaction Beat Hank: There's too many lines, or are the words just too big?
Hank: Well, before or after I fucked her?
Hank: I know it wasn't during 'cause you would have been nauseous.
Larry: What do you mean, she slipped on something and fell onto your penis?
Phil: I can't believe that Hank drilled Jeannie.
Artie: Sweetheart, baby, trying to ruin us all? Our jobs depend on Larry being just that much better than the other guy.
Beverly: If he feels so bad, why doesn't he pay for the cappuccino runs? He's got the money.
Writer Deadpan/Understatement Observational Beverly: Because it's an empty gesture made in the spirit of cheapness.
Hank: This is a beautiful plate, but not as beautiful as the plate in your head.
Larry: It's nice the inmates get time for arts and crafts.
Larry: You're a talentless fat fuck, you know that?
Larry: Wow. I'm sorry? I'm sorry. Did I say... talentless fat fuck, I meant... I meant, uh, sidekick.
Hank: So, well, Jeannie tells me you wet your little bed till you were 8?
Jeannie: Oh, and fell onto his penis? Just as I suspected.
Jeannie: Oh, God! Larry doesn't like white water rafting! Oh, God! Larry doesn't like white water rafting!
Larry: Thanks for a purr-fect evening? [...] Then it can't be too serious 'cause otherwise, you know, he would've drawn a pony. That's what he's best at.
Jeannie: The only reason that I slept with Hank was to hurt you. But... but I don't want you to tell him that, 'cause I don't want to hurt his feelings.
Larry: Wow, did you read that off of a greeting card? That was sweet.
Hank: The sun sets at night so it can be at home to watch your monologue.
Artie: There they are, the sunshine boys.
Researchers have found that scuba diving may cause brain damage. Well, there's a shock to the people who watch baywatch.
Larry: Now there's where you just got to say, 'hey, son, you're grounded.'
Jeannie: Whenever I come to L.A. I get all confused and... and twisted around. L... I hate L.A.
Larry: You're marrying someone named stu?
Artie: I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but you're never coming back again, are you?
Jeannie: No.
Larry Sanders: Larry: 'Hey, I don't want to hurt his feelings either.' [beat] — shared complicity with Jeannie about protecting Hank
Larry Sanders · Hank Kingsley: Larry tells Hank: 'Jeannie slept with you because she was trying to hurt me.' Hank: 'Wow. You're really something, aren't you? You just have to get in there and take it away, that special something that happened between she and I.'
Hank Kingsley: Larry: 'Oh, that's right, I forgot. I'm sorry. I mean, it's just the universe just revolves around Larry Sanders. The sun sets at night so it can be at home to watch your monologue.'
Artie: Artie appears: 'There they are, the sunshine boys.'
Artie Deadpan/Understatement Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Larry Sanders · Artie: Larry: 'I'm not cleaning that.' Artie: 'I'm well aware of that.'
Artie: Visual gag/reaction beat: Larry and Hank have clearly been fighting, they're observed by Artie: 'There they are, the sunshine boys.'
Artie Deadpan/Understatement Irony/Sarcasm Larry Sanders · Beverly: Larry burns his mouth on the new cappuccino machine. Beverly: 'Be careful, it's hot!' Larry: 'I told you it was hot.' Beverly: 'Oh, beverly always says it's hot, but it's never that fucking hot.' Beverly: 'Exactly, because we get the good kind from starbucks and they arrive at the perfect temperature.'
Larry Sanders · Beverly: 'Oh, Beverly always says it's hot, but it's never that fucking hot.' / 'Exactly, because we get the good kind from Starbucks and they arrive at the perfect temperature.'
Hank Kingsley · Artie: Hank: 'I'm the one who should be gloating. I'm the one who banged his ex-wife.' Artie: 'Actually, neither one of you should be gloating. Big gloater. He's not gloating, he burned his mouth.'
Larry Sanders: On-air segment: 'Researchers have found that scuba diving may cause brain damage. Well, there's a shock to the people who watch Baywatch.'
Larry Sanders: On-air segment about a 12-year-old potentially involved in the Oklahoma bombing: 'Now there's where you just got to say, "hey, son, you're grounded."'
Jeannie Sanders: Jeannie on the phone with Stu, clearly in Larry's office. She tells him 'nothing' about what she's been doing, while he's been hearing about this all episode. 'Saw some old friends.'
Larry Sanders: Larry asks the woman about 'the question that you asked me.' She responds: 'How's your mouth?' Larry: 'It's not good. I burned myself on the coffee yesterday.' Larry: 'Can't we just get the coffee from starbucks from now on with the little cookie for the chocolate on the tip? I like those.'
Jeannie Sanders: The long pause between Jeannie saying 'hold on' and her picking the phone back up — inferred visual of her processing what she's going to say
Jeannie Sanders · Larry Sanders: Jeannie announces she's engaged. Larry: 'Well, when did you get engaged?' Jeannie: 'At about 11:45 last night.'
Larry Sanders: Larry: 'You're marrying someone named Stu?'
Jeannie Sanders · Larry Sanders: Jeannie: 'And you know, I might even... I might even tell him about all of this some day.' Larry: 'Oh, I wouldn't do that.' Jeannie: 'Well, you're right. You wouldn't.'
Larry Sanders: Larry, after Jeannie leaves: 'Wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow.' [extended beat]
Hank Kingsley: Hank, after Jeannie leaves: 'You were married to that whacko for 3 years? Can you believe that?'
Artie · Jeannie Sanders: Artie says goodbye to Jeannie backstage: 'I hope it did some good.' Artie: 'I think, my dear, it was something only you could lay to rest, so to speak.'
Artie · Jeannie Sanders: Artie presents Jeannie with the cappuccino machine as a farewell gift. 'Stu loves cappuccino.' Artie: 'I'm sure he does, and Jeannie, sweetheart, I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but you're never coming back again, are you?' Jeannie: 'No.'
Artie · Jeannie Sanders: Artie presents the cappuccino machine as a going-away gift to Jeannie. 'Stu loves cappuccino.' / 'I'm sure he does.'
Artie · Jeannie Sanders: Artie to Jeannie: 'I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but you're never coming back again, are you?' Jeannie: 'No.'
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