Flip

Larry:Having run out of fresh, exciting, new ideas to bring you myself

Larry:Some day I may reenter the lists with a new saber, neither broken nor bent, and plow up the field all over again

Come on, blanket. We're going to go home

Larry:You think I should mention God? Well, hell, we plugged everybody else on the planet. Let's give the deity his due

Hank:The last 10 years have been your glorious gift to the people of this country. But they've also have been a gift... to a man by the name of Hank Kingsley

Beverly:I think the hormones from the baby... You should've seen me at the end of Titanic. You think those people in the water were wailing?

[Sighs] Fucking bunch of bullshit

Phil:I have this buddy Ray... I could take the letters that just spell his name, and then I could put them on the lawn of his house

Larry:But if it was up to me, seriously, you would not get them

Larry:You know tomorrow night after the show? You're fired. But for the last time, so celebrate

Larry:Don't ask me for the couch

Hank:I think my thank-you should not come directly after yours, 'cause that would sound tit for tat

Hank:Don't lump me in with those fucking craft service retards

Hank:Like wedding vows... I think you should wear a veil. I think we should come down the aisle together, maybe in white

Larry:Think she'll cry?

Artie:Well, I didn't go so far as to make the request, but that call can be made

Larry:That's a man. That's a fucking man! I don't want a fucking man singing to me

Artie:You don't have to worry about the homoerotic underpinnings. He's a country music singer

Larry:Well, that's iffy because we never let him plug Ace Ventura. Come on, everyone thought he was too broad

Norman:Hey, I think that's Warren Beatty in the parking lot. He must still be putting the finishing touches on Bulworth.

Artie:That's already out.

Norman:Well, the man is never satisfied

Warren:I could say goodbye to you now... There are no cameras or anything here.

Larry:Tomorrow night, millions of people

Artie:We believe that David's in love with Larry...

Norman:He's married.

Artie:So was Rock Hudson, ok? Oh, it wasn't real. It was arranged by the studios

Artie:He slipped on some ice making his new movie. The whole thing was all on ice or something. I don't know

Larry:I know his number by heart because he's a good friend of mine

David:No, it's just that, uh, Téa's here... It's my mother. It's my mother

Larry:I'm dating Illeana Douglas, as a matter of fact. She's fantastic. It's just a wonderful male-female relationship, and I am so happy

David:Meet me at the Bel-Air Hotel around noon...

Larry:I am not meeting him at the Bel-Air. I am not meeting him...

Larry:Téa? Uh, she went golfing.

David:Really?

David:Yeah.

Larry:Well, that's fantastic.

David:His behavior was so detesticle... I meant despicable

Artie:Larry's a thing of the past. The guy's the 8-track. He's a fucking horse and buggy, that guy. This is Darwinism

Larry:I would skip 'challenge.' Leave out 'challenge.' Do 'honor.' That's a good note, and I'll-- Tighten it up. Get to the jokes

Larry:Did Stevie Grant tell you that he was signing me beforehand?

Jon:No. No, he didn't. I didn't know that.

Artie:Well-- Well, well, hello, Jon

Artie:Faces from the past. They always show up for a wrapped gift

Jerry:I just wanted to see after you fired me and fucked up my life if you'd stand there and smile at me like we were old buddies. Well, now you know

This is Martin, the sound guy you fired after he hit you in the head with a boom. 3 days in a row. Still a record

Larry:I didn't realize it was the end of the show till last night. I was lying in bed with a woman, and I said, 'Seriously, we're gonna have you on soon.'

Larry:This show is like my sex life in that it lasts about an hour, there's applause, and I'm usually interrupted by Hank

Larry:When we started this show 10 years ago, Michael Jackson still looked like Michael Jackson

Greg Kinnear:I'm acting now... It's a snap. One minute I'm talking to Tempestt Bledsoe at 1:35 in the morning about her dogs or something, next thing you know I got a nomination

Jim Carrey:I can't do comedy right now... You're leaving, Larry. Just when I thought everything was solid in my life... You decide to go

Jim Carrey:I can't get it up. Ever since the announcement, I've been flaccid

Jim Carrey:The elaborate 'No Way' chant and song performance

Jim Carrey:Let's just cut the crap, Larry. You never liked my work. Till I got hugely famous

Jim Carrey:Let's just cut the crap, Larry. Ok? You never liked my work. Huh? Till I got hugely famous.

Jim Carrey:I'm here for 3 good reasons. Last show, big ratings, movie coming out. Bim, bam, boom. Otherwise, I'd be sitting home watching Nightline

Clint Black:For what, Talk Soup?

Tom Petty:I haven't seen such a rumble since the Stones played Altamont

Tom Petty:I haven't seen such a rumble since the Stones played Altamont.

Tom Petty:You've already got Roy Rogers.