Stevie Grant

Stevie:Stevie (Larry's agent) on a car phone: 'Larry, this is a partnership. You don't say yes. We say yes.'

Stevie · Larry Sanders:Larry discovers he's cohosting with Rita Moreno and Dean Cain: 'You're cohosting with fucking Superman.'

Stevie · Larry Sanders:Stevie: 'Arthur's fucking you, Larry.' / 'Cohosting detracts from your essential specialness in the marketplace.'

Stevie · Larry:Stevie makes Larry repeat: 'Cohosting detracts from my essential specialness in the marketplace.'

Stevie:Why? What? Did you pull her out of a burning building at some point, or did you sit through She Devil?

Larry · Stevie:I don't wanna sound like a cheeseball here, but she's a special lady. Very bright, very talented. / She's with William Morris, right?

Stevie · Larry:Is she happy over there? Is she happy with the representation? / We were talking about my drug problem. / Right. Right.

Larry · Stevie:Thanks for bringing the basket. / Well, I... actually, this is for her. Um, your basket won't be ready until tomorrow. / You like that sugar-free shit, right?

various staff · Stevie · Larry:We love you, Larry. / Yeah. Go get 'em, Larry. / You're my client. / Pay up, everybody.

Stevie · Roseanne:Roseanne, how'd you like the muffin basket? / Stevie, focus.

Stevie · Larry:Stevie's pitch call: 'Kentucky Fried Chicken. What does that mean? Spokesman. You. One year.'

Larry · Stevie:'So I'm the new Colonel Sanders?' / 'Ha! Funny. I'll pitch that.'

Stevie:'Hey, take this the right way, but I wish you'd go broke every day.'

Stevie:Lindsay Wagner needed 'one of the trucks' to cart her Ford payment home

Stevie · Larry:'Caesar's or MGM?' / 'Whichever one pays more.' / 'How about both? 9 shows a night, every half hour. It's like the vaudeville days.'

Larry · Stevie:He said 'shit' in the middle of one of the songs. Are you aware of that? / He's an artist. / Well, I'm sure 'shit' rhymes with a lot of things.

Stevie · Larry:Oh, hey, look, I've got a lot of musical acts, by the way. You know, say the word and I can get you hole. / Well, you know, my hooker days are over.

Stevie:Ha ha! You are the king! King Kong! Ha ha ha ha!

Paula · Stevie:Jennifer Aniston would be amazing. Can you get her? / Yeah, absolutely. I represent half the cast of Friends. / Which ones? The ones who can act.

Stevie · Paula:Hey, do you have a spot for Andy Kindler? / Who's Andy Kindler? He's a comic. The little guy, the hyper guy? / Mm-hmm. I don't think so. He's more of a Conan O'Brien act. / Conan won't put him on.

Paula · Stevie:What? / I can't do this with Larry watching me. It gives me the creeps. / Doing it in front of my clients turns me on. I feel my power. / Just turn it off.

Paula · Stevie:Blow off Eiger and we'll spend the morning in bed. / Are you insane? I just got a 50% raise by pretending I was gonna go form my own agency. I can't stay in bed. People actually notice when I don't show up to work.

Stevie:This whole Disney thing has everybody shitting bricks, pins, and party favors.

Stevie · Paula:By the way, I can't go to Ojai this weekend because Eisner's taking the young turks to a Ducks game. / Are you gonna be like this the rest of your life? / Of course not. I already told you I'm doing this for 5 years and then I'm getting out. / You're so deluded. / OK. 8 years.

Stevie:That's just the kind of Hollywood bullshit that makes me want to chuck it all and join the Peace Corps. / Yeah? Big bad Ron, you piece of shit! How's it going? / Oh, fuck you, asshole.

Stevie · Phil · Beverly:Hey, doll. Phil. / I'm gone.

Stevie:Come on. It's on the agency. Lunch with the booker of the Larry Sanders show. It's totally legit. Let's go liberate some money from the evil corporation.

Stevie · Paula:How long have we been going out? / I don't know. 3 months. 4 months. / Well, gee, time flies when you're having fun. / What do you want out of this relationship? / Guess the fun's over.

Stevie:I want it to continue the way that it is except with more fucking.

Paula · Stevie:What would you say if I told you I wanted to quit? / I don't know. Are you quitting? / Or if I said I wanted to have a baby? / Oh, my God, are you pregnant? / No, but it's nice to see what your reaction would be.

Stevie:Look, we have to go to lunch quick because your blood sugar is dropping.

Paula · Stevie:How many of these clients would be up here if you and I weren't dating? / Jesus, Paula, I'm not going out with you to get my clients on the show. / That's good news. I guess you won't mind if I unbook Andy Kindler. / You can't do that. He's booked! / We've got a verbal contract. / I just did it.

Paula · Stevie:Bye, Jake Johannsen. These are good acts. / You know, I didn't force you to book them. I could've brought them to Letterman first. / Oh, I'm sure he'd be so thrilled to hear about Ed Begley Jr.'s fucking electric car.

Stevie · Paula:If you're gonna do that to them, then say good-bye to Jennifer Aniston. / You can't. / You can't unbook somebody who's booked for tonight. / I'll talk to you tonight. / No. I don't want to see you anymore. / Oh, I don't have time for this shit.

Stevie · unnamed person:Jennifer sprained her ankle. / Really? You know, according to Paula, she mentioned to Artie that Jennifer has a head cold.

Stevie:I walk around in my Italian suit all day like I'm on top of the world, but I'm a fake! And if I stop pretending for a second, I fall apart 'cause I'm terrified! I don't know what the fuck I'm doing.

Paula · Stevie · Larry:Oh, are you upset about what happened? / Yeah. / Oh, now you're gonna get me upset. / Tell her about the suit. / Paula, I'm terrified. I built up these walls inside me, and I'm sorry, it's so hard for me to open up. / What about the suit?

Stevie · Artie:Mike Ovitz, eating lunch this far away from me, did not look good. You didn't hear it from me, all right? That's a swell story, Stevie, but what's the latest news from Roastville?

Stevie · Artie:Dennis Miller passed. He's very sick. He's in the hospital. / Christ! It's like he wants to be caught.

Stevie · Larry · Artie:I got you Jerry fucking Seinfeld, Larry. / OK, great, that is great. / You really got Seinfeld? Fucking-a.

Stevie · Larry · Artie:And we also got Kip Addota. Who's he? / Very simply, he's the guy we had to take to get Jerry fucking Seinfeld.

Stevie:Stevie, while on his cell phone doing business, shouts 'Get out of the way, you stupid chink bitch!' at a driver mid-conversation about how great negotiations are going

Stevie · Network Exec:The meeting upstairs — Stevie's negotiation tactic: 'How many guys are gonna come in here and blow me?' — then listing demands while the network counters with Jon Stewart's cheaper numbers

Stevie:Stevie: 'Do I look deaf to you? 'Cause you're talking to me like I'm deaf. Do deaf people walk around in $3,000 suits? I don't think so!'

Network Exec · Stevie:Network exec reveals Stevie is also negotiating deals for Michael Richards and Jon Lovitz — Stevie: 'Yes, I am!'

Stevie · Jon Stewart:Jon Stewart scene: Stevie tells Jon that Larry 'turned him on' to Stewart and 'He's cool with this' — a beat after reassuring Jon that Larry is fine with him potentially taking over Larry's show

Larry · Stevie:Stevie arrives late to the production meeting. Asked which client the Entertainment Weekly shoot was for — 'No, it was for me. It was for Entertainment Weekly, the 50 Most Powerful People in Hollywood Under 30.' Larry: 'I thought you were 32.' Stevie: 'Yeah... well... Congratulations.' Larry: 'Thank you.'

Stevie · Larry:Larry confronts Stevie about representing Jon Stewart — Stevie: 'Hey, that's what life is about, Larry. It's about conflict. Yeah, you have to learn to balance things out... and I think I do a pretty good fucking job.'

Artie · Stevie:Artie confronts Stevie at the show entrance: 'Larry trusted you, you fucking goddamn lowlife.' Stevie: 'Hey, I love Larry, ok? I was at his mother's funeral. Remember?' Artie: 'I remember you tooting up behind a tree, using your cell phone.'

Larry · Artie · Stevie:Larry's on-air announcement that he will not be coming back when his contract is up in 8 weeks — spontaneous, unplanned — while Artie backstage: 'What the fuck was that?' Stevie: 'Shit, I swear I had no idea about this.'