Artie pushes Larry to get Ellen Degeneres to come out of the closet on their show, but Larry pursues some personal research first. Beverly spoils Artie's birthday by circulating the show's budget, with everyone's salary, amongst the staff.
WAR
105.1
Wins Above Replacement
“Ellen, or Isn't She?” ranks #14 of 90 The Larry Sanders Show episodes on the Humor Index, scoring 90.6 — Elite. The episode packs 79 scored jokes at 3.3 per minute, averaging 7.5 on craft and 7.2 on impact, with Larry Sanders landing the most laughs. Every joke is ranked below with its individual craft and impact scores.
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Top Jokes
Ellen: I didn't sleep with him.
Larry: Am--am--am I the only host you've slept with? Am I the only guest you've slept with?
Beverly · Artie: Please don't make me do that. They'll all hate me. Of course they will, Sweetie. And that's why, my dearest, you make $5.00 a week more than Brian. Skiddoo!
Beverly Artie Dark/Subversive Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Callback Ellen DeGeneres: He must have — he must have asked me 3 times, 'How am I doing?' And so, uh... that was, uh — that was sweet of you.
Ellen DeGeneres: There was one time — I woke up this morning thinking that there was something very amazing. Things that I'd never felt before, and I realized I was laying on your hairbrush at one point.
Larry: Would the character of Ellen ever sleep with a man?
Ellen: Well, sure, if he were feminine enough.
All Jokes — 79 analyzed
Show all ↓ Hide ↑ Larry: They'll find me in the spring buried in the snow like one of those fucking dead moose.
Larry: No, you didn't. You already booked reservations at my favorite restaurant. You're surprising me with a cake-- Chocolate hazelnut.
Larry: Well, if we had better numbers, we wouldn't need to go on the road to get better numbers.
Larry: How thoughtful of me.
Beverly: Oh, you can't go sneaking up on people like that! This is the copy room. I came in to make a copy.
Mary Lou: Are you smoking pot?
Beverly: No. I'm just making a copy of something.
Mary Lou: Next time he asks me out, I'm gonna say yes.
Paula Visual Gag Deadpan/Understatement Beverly: How can you make that much money for just standing around gossiping? Oh, don't you just hate 'em? They have nothing better to do than just snoop in other peoples' business.
Hank: It was eva gabor... It was her first orgasm, and she just couldn't thank me enough.
Hank: Zsa Zsa was at the wheel. Oh, mama! And I was-- as you might say-- I was working under the hood.
Artie Character Comedy Dark/Subversive ★ Rewatch Larry: It's a wallet. It's got a fish on it.
Hank: Oh, that's a nice one.
Larry: You like it?
Hank: Yeah.
Larry: Ok. You--it's yours.
Hank: Really?
Larry: 'Cause I need a new wallet.
Larry: No, no, that's 3 o'clock. 12 o'clock!
Hank: No, this is 12 o'clock.
Larry: No, you're 3. I'm 12 o'clock.
Artie: That lady is a lightning rod of sexual controversy. I smell ratings.
Ellen: Are you our waiter?
Larry: I am your waiter.
Ellen: Gee, I thought things were going so well.
Larry: Thursday we've got superman, hercules, and dr. Quinn medicine woman.
Ellen: Wow. Well, then, some other time.
Larry: No, no, hercules can go fuck himself.
Larry: I'll get some rolls and I'll come back. Get bread rolls. Whatever you want. Yeah, sourdough is good. You got it. I--I may not be back for a couple of days.
Larry: Oh, for god sakes. How come every time you see 2 women together, you automatically think they're gay? We're together. Does that mean we're gay?!
Hank: No, but the night's still young.
Phil: You've got all of Hank's lines under the name 'Nurse libido.' That's his name in the sketch.
Larry: Yeah, haven't I told you that you never write Hank's character name on the card? You have to write 'hank,' or he won't read it.
Writer: Just because you make more money than me doesn't mean you're my boss.
Phil: Are you nuts? I worked for bob hope. You should be kissing my ass that I even print your shit.
Writer: Then why do they pay me 1,000 times what you make, huh, jerkby?
Phil: It's 5 times.
Phil: Christ, this is the budget. Where did you get this?
Writer: From my ass!
Artie: Well, listen, I believe I know more about homosexuality than you two. After all, I'm the one with the gay assistant.
Artie: And that's--that's why I know she's a doughnut humper. Bumper. That's why I know she's a doughnut bumper.
Larry: They would let us do the fucking show from between Anna nicole smith's titties.
Jake: Jesus, Hank is the most overpaid man in show business.
Writer: Oh, those jerks. They spelled my name wrong. Oh, that--Trollop!
Brian: Yeah, he is.
Brian: I--I make $5.00 more a week than you make?
Beverly: Yeah.
Brian: I mean, don't you think you should make a little bit more than me?
Beverly: Yeah, but I only make $5.00 more than you.
Brian: Have you ever waxed Larry's back? Have you ever poked around in great dane shit looking for a ring?
Artie Irony/Sarcasm Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Ellen: I mean, john lithgow isn't really from outer space.
Larry: Well, you don't know him as well as I do. I think there's a good chance he is.
Larry: All that publicity and we're still getting our ass kicked by the nanny. That hurts.
Artie Dark/Subversive Character Comedy Callback Ellen: And then I kiss you. And then--then you can decide. That could be funny.
Larry: Yeah. Yeah.
Ellen: Like, um... Like this.
Larry Sanders: Jesus, Hank is the most overpaid man in show business.
Larry: God, what a surprise. Yeah. That is--Jesus. I mean, where did you learn all that?
Ellen: Oh, camp.
Stevie: Tonight, Ellen has a secret, and Larry's got it!
Stevie: Unless she had sex with her mother. Now, that would be a great cue. 'Tonight on Larry Sanders, Ellen sleeps with her mother! It's a family affair!'
Larry: What if she's not a lesbian? Did you guys ever think of that?
Artie: Oh, man. I--she's a lesbian, I can tell. I've had sex with a lesbian.
Artie: You gotta have sex with 2 lesbians. That's the whole point.
Phil: I need to make more money.
Phil!
Phil: What? Oh, I'm sorry. Did I just say that out loud? I've been saying it over and over in my head, and I guess one just slipped out.
Stevie: This is our opportunity here to kick leno's fucking ass!
Larry: I recently caught an old cosby rerun, and suddenly my character's a black, 50-year-old gynecologist, and I just--no more.
Larry: I'm trying to scramble some of these words around to form a sentence.
Larry: Would the character of Ellen ever sleep with a man?
Ellen: Well, sure, if he were feminine enough.
Ellen: I didn't sleep with him.
Larry: Am--am--am I the only host you've slept with? Am I the only guest you've slept with?
Hank: Very, very, very, funny. I not only peed me pants, I shat them.
Ellen: So, I guess I should say that I, last night, slept with Larry Sanders.
Ellen: What's odd, though, it seemed--you seemed very uncomfortable with me on top, and I thought, 'Why is it?' But then again, you seemed uncomfortable with me on the bottom, too.
Ellen: He must have--he must have asked me 3 times, 'How am I doing?' And so, uh... That was, uh--that was sweet of you.
Agent Dark/Subversive Character Comedy Ellen: I woke up this morning thinking that there was something very amazing. Thing's that I'd never felt before, and I realized I was laying on your hairbrush at one point.
Larry: I guess we'll be doing the show from Bakersfield now.
Artie · Phil: Phil! / What? / Oh, I'm sorry. Did I just say that out loud? / I've been saying it over and over in my head, and I guess one just slipped out. / Yeah, it slipped out, all right. / Why don't you try slipping it back in?
Artie · Phil: Phil, what do you think about Ellen? / I'd like to make what she makes.
Agent · Larry Sanders: This is our opportunity here to kick Leno's fucking ass! / Who, uh — who else is on tonight?
Larry Sanders: My first guest is a wonderful actress and a hilarious comedienne. We're thrilled to have her on the show. She's, of course, the star of her own sitcom called Ellen. This is her new cd, taste this. Please welcome Ellen DeGeneres!
Larry Sanders: Good audience.
Artie · Beverly: What's going on, Beverly? / I can't even hear Larry above the rustling of papers. / What do you mean? / I think you know what I mean. / I just happened to pick up a copy of my budget yesterday, and it smelled remarkably like Chanel Number 5... A fragrance which I believe you wear.
Beverly · Artie: Please don't make me do that. They'll all hate me. Of course they will, Sweetie. And that's why, my dearest, you make $5.00 a week more than Brian. Skiddoo!
Beverly Artie Dark/Subversive Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Callback Artie · Beverly: This is what you're going to do. You're going to tell the entire staff and crew that this year we'll be shooting shows all through Christmas week, including Christmas eve. / Is that true? / No, but by the time they find out, they will have forgotten all about the fucking budget. / Please don't make me do that. They'll all hate me. / Of course they will, sweetie. And that's why, my dearest, you make $5.00 a week more than Brian. Skiddoo!
Artie Beverly Dark/Subversive Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Callback Larry Sanders · Ellen DeGeneres: So, let's talk about the series. / I don't know what you're talking about. I — I keep hearing little flutters of things. I don't watch tv, myself. I don't — I don't own a tv, so—
Ellen DeGeneres: I recently caught an old Cosby rerun, and suddenly my character's a black, 50-year-old gynecologist, and I just — no more.
Larry Sanders: I saw that one. That was a good one.
Larry Sanders: Is there any — is the character — there's a rumor going around that she could be, you know — the character this season may actually, um — well, let me ask you this. Would your character — I'm trying to scramble some of these words around to form a sentence.
Larry Sanders · Ellen DeGeneres: Would the character of Ellen ever sleep with a man? / Well, sure, if he were feminine enough.
Larry Sanders: Let's take a break. We'll come right back with Ellen DeGenere after this break.
Ellen DeGeneres · Larry Sanders: Are you going to keep hammering me about this lesbian stuff?! / I think this is going great. I think this is very funny. / I don't. / I do.
Ellen DeGeneres · Larry Sanders: You know, I understand if this is coming from Letterman. / I didn't sleep with him. / Am — am — am I the only host you've slept with? / Am I the only guest you've slept with?
Larry Sanders: What is the matter with you? [awkward pause]
Artie: Very, very, very funny. I not only peed me pants, I shat them.
Artie Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement Artie · Larry Sanders: [Quietly] Boy, she's getting ready to crack. / Boy, tingling on my back — my hair and my — / I am moving on to the mother story.
Artie · Larry Sanders: Listen, when we started this show, we agreed that the duty of the talk show host was to be controversial and funny no matter what the cost. / Why don't you go get her? / The whole nation is watching. / Sic her, tiger.
Larry Sanders · Ellen DeGeneres: Let's just — let's just be — be honest. Ok? / Ok, let's do that.
Larry Sanders · Ellen DeGeneres: We were just talking about your new — your — we were just talking about your series — your wonderfully successful television series, and whether the character of Ellen was in fact, gay — / No, I don't recall that's what we were talking about.
Beverly · Worker 1 · Worker 2: You know what Beverly just told me? / What? / We have to work Christmas week. / What?! No way. I'm going home Christmas week. I'm flying home! / No. / Well, you're not going home now.
Ellen DeGeneres · Unknown Backstage Worker: You're right. It's time to be honest. / Man, I give up.
Ellen DeGeneres · Larry Sanders: I've always felt that my private life is my private life, but for some reason, people want my private life to be a part of my public life. / Well, you know, as a celebrity, I think you share some of that with the public. / I think I do owe that to the public. So, I — I guess I should say that I, last night, slept with Larry Sanders.
Studio Audience: Audience, chanting: Larry! Larry! Larry...
Ellen DeGeneres: Ok... It was, uh — it was terrific. I mean, it was actually — what's odd, though, it seemed — you seemed very uncomfortable with me on top, and I thought, 'Why is it?' But then again, you seemed uncomfortable with me on the bottom, too.
Ellen DeGeneres: He must have — he must have asked me 3 times, 'How am I doing?' And so, uh... that was, uh — that was sweet of you.
Ellen DeGeneres: There was one time — I woke up this morning thinking that there was something very amazing. Things that I'd never felt before, and I realized I was laying on your hairbrush at one point.
Ellen DeGeneres: And I guess we'll be doing the show from Bakersfield now.
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