Homer is prescribed medicinal marijuana after getting pecked in the eyes by a murder of crows. While his family and friends worry about the drug altering his personality, Homer becomes Mr. Burns's vice president after cracking up at Burns's antiquated jokes.
WAR
50.2
Wins Above Replacement
“Weekend At Burnsies” ranks #302 of 552 The Simpsons episodes on the Humor Index, scoring 77.8 — Great. The episode packs 81 scored jokes at 4.5 per minute, averaging 7.1 on craft and 6.2 on impact, with Homer landing the most laughs. Every joke is ranked below with its individual craft and impact scores.
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Top Jokes
Homer: "Could Jesus microwave a burrito so hot that he himself could not eat it?"
Homer Absurdist Dark/Subversive ★ Rewatch Homer: Daddy's special medicine, which you must never use because it will ruin your life, lets Daddy see and hear magical things you will never experience.
Homer Irony/Sarcasm Character Comedy Homer: This dude does the best Flanders! You got the mustache and the "diddily!"
Homer Meta/Self-Referential Character Comedy Homer · Homer: Oh, man. Oh, man. We killed Mr. Burns! / Mr. Burns is gonna be so mad!
Otto: They call them fingers, but I never see them fing. Oh, there they go.
Otto Wordplay/Pun Observational All Jokes — 81 analyzed
Show all ↓ Hide ↑ Bart Deadpan/Understatement Character Comedy Homer: This guy's always on!
Homer Observational Character Comedy Bart · Lisa · Bart: This corn doesn't look so big. / That's baby corn. / What?
Homer: They're all grown by the vegetable division of Union Carbide
Homer Dark/Subversive ★ Rewatch Bart: Mom, my potato is eating a carrot!
Marge: I've tried heckling them. I've tried jeckling them.
Marge Wordplay/Pun Character Comedy Marge: "... in God, the Father Almighty Creator of heaven and earth... " Shoo! Shoo!
Marge Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Marge: "Heaven and earth... " Where were we? Now I'm lost.
Marge: Yeah, I did it! Marge is in the house!
Marge Character Comedy Misdirection Marge: I will be soon. Because it needs some cleaning!
Marge Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement Homer: I'll regroup at Red Lobster.
Homer Absurdist Character Comedy Homer: You ain't pretty no more!
Homer Physical/Slapstick Character Comedy Moe: This ain't no crow bar! This is a crow bar! See? They got the little stools and everything.
Moe Wordplay/Pun Visual Gag ★ Rewatch Moe: That's Russell Crow, Cameron Crow, Crow Diddley, Hume Crow-nyn, Gregory Peck.
Moe Wordplay/Pun Escalation ★ Rewatch Homer: It's a murder, honey. A group of crows is called a murder.
Homer Observational Character Comedy Homer: Drop it in! Don't cram it in! Forget it! I'll do it myself.
Homer Character Comedy Cringe/Discomfort Homer: That is not a worm!
Homer Physical/Slapstick Visual Gag Dr. Hibbert: They weren't trying to blind you. They were just trying to drink your sweet, sweet eye juices.
Homer: Does it go in the butt?
Homer Character Comedy Cringe/Discomfort Dr. Hibbert: Prescription pot. Texas THC.
Dr. Hibbert: Homer, for your eyes, the best tonic is chronic.
Otto: Uh-oh. Crotch the weed, man.
Otto Character Comedy Wordplay/Pun Homer: For me, the '60s ended that day in 1978.
Homer Observational Deadpan/Understatement ★ Rewatch Homer · Dr. Hibbert: But isn't marijuana, or "dope," illegal? / Only for those who enjoy it.
Dr. Hibbert: Do you want the wizard or the skull?
Homer: "Caution, objects may appear more edible than they actually are."
Homer Wordplay/Pun Observational Homer: They burned down the gambling house / It died with an awful sound
Homer Character Comedy Wordplay/Pun Homer: I am hungry for a candy bar / I think I'll eat a Mounds
Homer Character Comedy Observational Marge: And now I'm guilty of possession! I could go to prison unless I testify against you.
Marge Character Comedy Escalation Homer: I could walk up to the president and blow smoke in his stupid, monkey face! And he'd just have to sit there grooving on it.
Homer Absurdist Character Comedy Homer: Marge, I just realized I am the "ow" in the word "now."
Homer Absurdist Character Comedy Homer: Hey, it's me. I've got Marge on the other line and she is totally bumming me out.
Homer Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Homer: Daddy's special medicine, which you must never use because it will ruin your life, lets Daddy see and hear magical things you will never experience.
Homer Irony/Sarcasm Character Comedy Lisa: Dad, it's 1:00 a.m. and I'm out of saliva!
Lisa Character Comedy Escalation Homer: This dude does the best Flanders! You got the mustache and the "diddily!"
Homer Meta/Self-Referential Character Comedy Homer: "Could Jesus microwave a burrito so hot that he himself could not eat it?"
Homer Absurdist Dark/Subversive ★ Rewatch Ned: Well, sir, of course he could. But then again, wow, as melon-scratchers go, that's a honey-doodle.
Ned Character Comedy Wordplay/Pun Ned · Homer: All right, Simpson, you're under arrest, see? / I said Wiggum!
Ned Homer Character Comedy Callback Callback Mr. Burns: "And so, potential investors, I hope you don't think our IPO is an IPU."
Mr. Burns · Smithers: I told you, I pissed it away! Don't make that face. / Yes, that's the one.
Homer: Oops! I thought this was the can, man.
Homer Physical/Slapstick Character Comedy Homer: Working hard or hardly working?
Homer Observational Character Comedy Mr. Burns: No, Smithers. I would've said anything to get your stem cells.
Homer: You're covered with a very fine fuzz.
Homer Observational Character Comedy Homer: I just got promoted, and it's all thanks to "Yes-I-cannabis!"
Homer Wordplay/Pun Character Comedy Moe: You mutton heads! This is why we can never hold down a job.
Moe Character Comedy Meta/Self-Referential Otto · Otto: Hey, "Shemp" is "hemp" spelled backwards. / And "Otto" is "Otto" backwards!
Homer · Otto: Marge, I'm gonna need 10,000 veggie burritos! / No guac in mine.
Otto: Dude, your mom is hot.
Otto Character Comedy Cringe/Discomfort Phish member · Homer: Whoa! This guy is seriously ill. / My doctor never told me that. I had to hear it from Phish.
Homer: My doctor never told me that. I had to hear it from Phish.
Homer Irony/Sarcasm Observational Rally speaker: And now, a man who's a real pothead. I'm sorry. 'Pothead.'
Homer: Whether you suffer from glaucoma or you just rented The Matrix, medical marijuana can make things fabulous, medically.
Homer Observational Irony/Sarcasm Homer · Otto: Oh, man! They already voted! And we lost! / Oh, man! I can't believe we spaced on the date!
Otto: Well, we can't just stand here staring at our hands, although... Wow!
Otto Character Comedy Visual Gag Otto: They call them fingers, but I never see them fing. Oh, there they go.
Otto Wordplay/Pun Observational Homer: I could've smoked that pot and worn that hair.
Homer Character Comedy Observational Lisa: You know, I'm not really sure what I want.
Lisa Character Comedy Meta/Self-Referential Bart · Homer: As long as you're doing things for me, would you tie up your bathrobe when you walk around the house? / Never!
Otto · Homer · Otto: Remember when I dropped my keys and you thought the phone was ringing? / Yeah. / Get out.
Homer: Going cold turkey isn't as delicious as it sounds.
Homer Wordplay/Pun Observational Barney · Homer: Yeah. But at the planning party, I got alcohol poisoning. I nearly died. / I was already making excuses not to go to your funeral.
Homer · Lisa: My sperm count is up, and I'm able to recognize simple shapes and patterns. / Dad, you just said that three minutes ago.
Homer: Unregardless, I will no longer be a slave to this!
Homer Character Comedy Wordplay/Pun Mr. Burns: I'll either tickle your ribs or feed them to my dogs!
Mr. Burns: What do you take me for? Lorenzo de' Medici?
Mr. Burns: You know, Louise Brooks, the silent star of Lulu.
Homer: This stuff can make anything funny, even that show that follows Friends.
Homer Meta/Self-Referential Observational ★ Rewatch Smithers: This suit used to belong to Judy Garland. We could sing a song if you don't mind being Mickey Rooney.
Homer: You mean that guy on 60 Minutes who yells all the time?
Homer Observational Character Comedy Smithers: Sixty minutes? Oh, my God! Mr. Burns has been in the tub for an hour!
Smithers: Oh, Mr. Burns! You were too beautiful for this world.
Homer · Homer: Oh, man. Oh, man. We killed Mr. Burns! / Mr. Burns is gonna be so mad!
Smithers: Michael Eisner's been dead for five years. Ted Turner's just a hologram.
Bill Clinton: "It depends on what the meaning of 'was' is, jerk!"
Announcer: He's Jimmy Carter with a Fox attitude!
Homer: It's true we're losing money. But there's no reason we can't dance, dance, dance the night away!
Homer Absurdist Character Comedy Mr. Burns: Those strings pulling me every which way jostled my heart from its slumber.
Mr. Burns: Oh, and you didn't? Well, the worm has finally shown its fangs!
Mr. Burns · Mr. Burns: Smithers, make me slap him! / You call that a slap? Make me slap you. / Now, both. / Now, just you. / Now, give me a taste. / Now, both again. / Now, all three.
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