Rome Old And Juli Eh

Homer:I feel like I'm back in wooden times!

Bart:Wow, the graphics are amazing. That ball almost seems real!

Homer:What the...? But I thought bankruptcy was the cool law! The one that says 'Dude, don't worry about it. I got this.'

Homer · Judge:Permission to moan? / I'll allow it.

Homer:Of course, you idiot, 'cause I'm wishing for more money.

Financial Officer · Homer:Three subscriptions to Vanity Fair? / I've got three bathrooms, don't I?

Homer:Shut up! It's an instructional website! Shut up!

Grampa:You promised me I could die here!

Homer:I saw you doing a 500-piece jigsaw puzzle in there.

Homer:To save gas, I'm Flintstone-ing the car.

Homer:So... very...

Visual:Keep Cool With Coolidge / Lilian Gish in Broken blossoms

Visual:A.S.S. American Shipping Services Not affiliated with the human ass

Bart · Ned:Could a kid like me get these boxes, then use them for whatever he wanted? / Only if he fibbed about his name, age, and occupation on this automated 800 number.

Marge:Nothing like un-tossing a leftover salad.

Grampa:Hands off, you big blue Buttinski!

Marge:Blood, bile, spinal fluid, blood, other, phlegm, miscellaneous ooze...

Homer:No!

Selma · Homer:Maybe it's the bang-up job he did raising you. / He was a great dad. Every year he got so mad when Santa didn't bring me presents.

Selma · Grampa:I know what you're wondering. How come a single woman with so much to offer is alone on a Saturday night. / I assumed you were resting up for bingo tomorrow, like me.

Selma:My numbers don't get called much these days.

Selma:Wow, that's the first time anyone's ever put an adjective before calling me a thing.

Grampa:You know, I was voted best kisser in my P.O.W. camp.

Selma:Well, if he dies in my arms, I could meet a cute paramedic.

Grampa:All right, lips, man your kissing stations. This is not a drill.

Homer · Selma:Ah! A bear is eating my father! / I'm Selma. / Ah! A talking bear is eating my father!

Grampa:I'm a little shaky on when and where, but I got my theories.

Homer:Oh, why did I borrow that roof from him?

Phone Representative:Are you run by dogs or for dogs? Actually, don't answer. I like not knowing.

Bart · Lisa · Bart:'Build a fart.' I love it. / Fort. That's 'build a fort.' / That might work, too.

Grampa:At my age, and with your drawbacks, we can't afford to miss an opportunity.

Grampa:Slow down, you hussy.

Homer:Is she really going out with him? Is she really gonna take him home tonight?

Homer:It's like an old sea turtle dating a suitcase that fell out of a plane.

Marge · Homer:Like how the parts of a pig nobody wants combine to make a yummy hot dog. / Oh, now you're dragging hot dogs into this. Real classy, Marge. Real classy.

Grampa:We wrote that joke in the water. It wasn't all frolicking.

Homer:Don't those two gargoyles know that love is for good-looking young people?

Barney:Well, gee, Homer, you, uh, ain't exactly open-casket material yourself.

Patty · Homer:Look, if you want to break up your father and Selma, I have a plan. But it involves you. / Okay, but I'm not good at details. Or the big picture. I also show up late. And drunk.

Ned · Bart · Ned:Lower the drawbridge! / What's the password? / I love my sister.

Ned · Bart · Ned:I shall go, but I will return with an army of my brethren and together we shall take back what is ours and Hell will rain down upon you! / What if we're not here? / We will come two more times, and then you'll have to come to our customer center.

Ned:It's near the airport, where the old Crown Books used to be.

Homer:Hola, I am Esteban de la Sexface. That means 'Stephen of the Sexface.'

Patty:Okay, now let's prepare our mental images so we can kiss each other without barfing.

Homer:Dos Selmas? Ay-yi-yi!

Homer:I guess I always dreamed that my father would grow old alone.

Homer:A thousand, eh?

Lisa · Homer:Dad, don't throw rice, it makes the birds swell up! / Oh, Lisa, that's one of those rumors you get off the Internet.

Homer:Nothing solves everything forever like a wedding.