How The Test Was Won

Homer:Three, two, one. Happy new year! Of school!

Homer:You're the government's problem now!

Homer:Free at last. Free at last.

Bart · Marge:I never learned anything at that suckshack. Who taught you that language? Kid at school. So you did learn something.

Homer:Insurance is the greatest deal ever. If I get hurt, I get paid. And man, do I get hurt.

Mr. Becker:Where my Dils at?

Principal Skinner:I never tire of that.

Student · Principal Skinner:He stinks! We're assessing you, not him. Withdrawn.

Principal Skinner:No Child Left Alone act

Superintendent Chalmers:Cut the horse bull Seymour!

Superintendent Chalmers:Your scores on this test will determine how much money this suckshack gets

Teacher:Accaca-Dabacca-Accacaca

Teacher · Student:Biggest city in Montana? Helena? Wrong!

Teacher · Student:You can't teach this way! Yes, I can! Pretty sure this works! Where are these studies conducted? Ball State.

Student · Teacher:What kind of pencil do we take again? Number two, take a number two. Looks like you took a big number two.

Teacher:Yes, quite so. As you can see, I'm holding a big number two in my hands, enjoying the weight and feel of it.

Lisa:Now I can show-off on the federal level!

Bart:Slurt my snot. I wrote 'slurt my snot' in the ovals on the answer sheet. True story.

Homer:Oh no, now who will sell oranges on the off-ramp?

Homer:Oh no, now who will sell oranges on the off-ramp?

Homer:Great jokes make me hungry. I wonder what's in the pantry.

Principal Skinner:I warned you. You got a perfect score.

Lisa:Several? That's more than a few, and almost a bunch!

Bart:Wait a minute. This ain't no genius-copter. This is con-air!

Principal Skinner · Superintendent Chalmers:Brilliant plan to remove all the underperformers for test day, sir. Yes. All of them.

Principal Skinner:Can't believe it. Superintendent Chalmers betrayed me. After all the wrapping paper I bought from his daughter.

Willie:We're hiding you in capital city for the day so your numbskullary won't drag down the test scores of the children who are our future.

Student:Will there be other numbskulls there? Sort of a numbskull Olympics as it were? Let's all act stupid!

Homer:This was due two weeks ago! I'm uninsured!

Homer:For the first time in my life, I'm financially responsible for my own actions!

Homer:I'm not in good hands. I'm in no hands! Like a bad neighbor, no one is there!

Principal Skinner · Student:Imagine each question is a baby chick. If you answer wrong, the chick dies. Shut up, they would've died anyway.

Lisa:What? They're all equally valid. That can't be! In life, everything only has one answer!

Student:Piece of cake, huh? Ah, I'm writing on my shirt!

Bart:You're stuck babysitting us losers, which makes you the real loser.

Principal Skinner · Student:I am a successful principal who paints houses in the summertime. You painted our garage and it was peeling by October! Your dad insisted I use an inferior primer.

Otto:Sorry. I was mesmerized by the little boy's dance.

Ralph:I finished before we came in.

Principal Skinner · Bart:Oh, God. We're at the corner of Cesar Chavez Way and Martin Luther King Boulevard. ¡Ay, caramba!

Marge · Homer:You mean back to the poor house. Fine, back.

Marge · Homer:You mean back to the poor house. Fine, back.

Homer:Book club? That's the most stupid boring thing ever! Oh, thank you.

Book club member:I've been cleaved!

Principal Skinner:Lisa, like Captain Kirk, I'm not supposed to interfere. But like TJ Hooker, I say what's on my mind.

Principal Skinner:Get down on your knees, pray to your God, and ask him-- no demand he tell you the answer. And if he won't, he is no God of yours!

Student:Sure thing, Such.

Mr. Burns:Why do terrible things always happen to wonderful people at 3:01 P.M. Which, for the record, is the correct time.

Marge:At this point in a marriage, a wife should know what her husband can do and what he can't. Who was I to think you can mail an envelope?

Homer:Baby, I hope you've got snuggle insurance... 'cos I'm about to file a claim.

Student · Principal Skinner:You like all boys? Shut up! A child is in danger under my aegis!

Principal Skinner:I'm using the principal of conservation of angular momentum to turn the container!

Student · Principal Skinner:That's the kind of stuff they should teach in school! We do teach it in school. You're too busy eating sugar snacks and horsing around!

Student:Learning can teach you things. Education rules.

Principal Skinner:By seeing their principal run around on top of a shipping container.

Principal Skinner:Drop that number two. Yes, I know what that means.

Lisa:Hurray! I'm a brainy outcast again!