No Loan Again Naturally

Homer:Boy, where are my Zydeco records? There's twelve more boxes, and they all sound the same!

Bart · Homer:What about my birthday party? This counts as that.

Marge:Super Jet Dinosaur Fun Monkeys

Moe:Just so you know, some of them act like they hate America. But what they really hate are Americans.

Kirk Van Houten:It's my wife! Everyone, pretend this is a trade seminar in Zürich.

Kirk Van Houten:Can't talk now, dear. It's four in the morning here in Zürich. Oh, right. We came together.

Homer:Here you go! Eat my food! Drink up my drink! Put your coat on my daughter's bed! I command you!

Ned Flanders:As the worm said to the plate of spaghetti, 'I...'

Homer · Ned Flanders:Listen, we're having a party... I noticed. So anyway, if you're not doing anything, and it looks like you are, you're welcome to stop by. Or not.

Homer · Ned Flanders:Man, you really are into me, huh? What am I? Some kind of talking dog?

Homer:It's Ash Wednesday, everybody! Sit down your gins, and confess your sins.

Homer:Because I have this magical thing called a home equity loan. I borrow all the money I want, and the house gets stuck with the bill. Sucker!

Homer · Ned Flanders:Fine, Mr. Skeptical. Give me back your beads. But, but, but... Beads, please.

Homer:Marge, don't worry. It's like when we stopped paying the phone bill. They stopped calling us. In fact, everyone did.

Homer:That number's so big, it has a comma!

Homer:Listen, you! When you gave me that money, you said I wouldn't have to repay it 'til the future! This isn't the future! It's the lousy stinking now!

Mortgage broker · Homer:Hell, we fired our CEO, and he barely got out with fifty million dollars. That poor man! Is he okay? As okay as you can be in the north of France.

Mortgage broker:Come on, Marge. You got the sun, you got hobo fire. I can't do all the work for you.

Patty and Selma:Hey, our old pair has to live somewhere. This crap shack makes your guest room look like winter palace.

Homer · Marge:Don't worry, honey. We'll come out ahead. I ripped all the copper wire out of the walls. Did you remember to disconnect it first? Did I what now?

Lisa · Homer:The kid's height. Homer's weight.

Potential buyer:Anybody ever get murdered in this house? No. Thank you for your time.

Rich bidder:I need a place to store my cufflinks.

Rich bidder:Pass. I've already lifted this thing up once today. I'm not Hercules.

Auctioneer:What is this, Randomly Tossing Your Paddle Day?

Ned Flanders:Ocean said to the dirt, 'I appreciate the sediment.'

Homer:Better let me go first. I left a little... surprise upstairs for the new owner.

Maggie:Evil triumphs again.

Marge:Hot comes out of hot! It's like I'm dreaming!

Homer:Next problem.

Homer:It's irresistible! You ask him to do something and he does it. He's like a genie!

Marge:Our house is up to code.

Homer:You lounge around in your Egg McMansions, and we never see you unless the rent check's late.

Homer:You better just pray I don't find out where you live!

Moe:If I was Marge's landlord, I'd fix up pipes, and I'd shower with flowers, and take her on a romantic getaway to the south seas, and I'd never return.

Moe:If I was Marge's landlord, I'd fix up pipes, and I'd shower with flowers, and take her on a romantic getaway to the south seas, and I'd never return.

Marge:We live in a house that is trying to kill us.

Lisa · Homer:Who is this Dad you speak of, Lisa Simpson? You want a cookie, Dad? Yes.

Couch · Homer:I died when Homer sat on me. Why you little-- I'm the victim here.

Ned Flanders:Kadiddlehopper. It's not funny, that's how I swear!

Neighbors:We won't do it! Your leaving is our Christmas!

Bart as Jesus:It is me, Jesus. I have come from my workshop in the North Pole to say, Don't evict the Simpsons.

Homer:Finally, a practical use for my father.

Grampa · Homer:Whee. I'm gonna live like a human in a real house! What's the catch? I'm using you. For what? My own devices. All right.

Bart:Yeah, without the sun, my hair's reverting to its natural red! I don't wanna be called rusty again.

Homer · Lisa:Family outing? I'll start. Lisa's gay!

Lisa:Right. 'Cos I wouldn't wanna be gay like my heroes Billie Jean King, Susan Sontag, Sappho of Lesbos, and, I suspect, Peppermint Patty.

Dwight Eisenhower:Now when I've got a downhill lie, I'd like to swing wide. Just like Patton did when he swung past Kesselring's boys in the Ardennes Forest.

Homer:I know it seems that way because I'm such a vivid storyteller.

Ned · Grampa:Because your father lives with me now. Flanders feeds me people food.

Lisa:The clothes they give us are the clothes we gave to charity last year.

Real estate agent:Excellent credit, Christian, but not Baptist.

Landlord:Excellent credit, Christian, but not Baptist.

Homer:Whacha got there, Woofy Goldberg?

Ned Flanders:You can't be a saint unless you live among the lepers.

Ned · Homer:It's okay if you backslide a little. Never. Hurray for stupid Flanders!

New potential tenant:I really hate this neighborhood.