Fat Tony and Marge's sister, Selma, fall in love and get married; Bart discovers a special ability.
WAR
18.2
Wins Above Replacement
“The Real Housewives Of Fat Tony” ranks #522 of 552 The Simpsons episodes on the Humor Index, scoring 70.1 — Solid. The episode packs 57 scored jokes at 3.2 per minute, averaging 6.6 on craft and 6.0 on impact, with Homer landing the most laughs. Every joke is ranked below with its individual craft and impact scores.
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Top Jokes
Selma · Fat Tony: Fine. I choose my love handles. What? Then my arm wattles, my cankles, and finish off with my excess back fat.
Homer: Fat Tony! Are you going to cut my head off and leave it in a manger scene at Christmas, and then an old Italian nun finds it? And she's all, 'Oh, no, no, no! Oh, no! He's too beautiful to die!'
Homer Escalation Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Fat Tony: The way the sun goes down like a crooked boxer.
Louie: He did give her the kiss of death, right? No! Oh, I decorated her car for nothing.
Louie Dark/Subversive Misdirection ★ Rewatch Selma: Oh Tony, if there were an Italian word for 'yes,' I'd be saying it right now.
Selma Absurdist Character Comedy All Jokes — 57 analyzed
Show all ↓ Hide ↑ Homer · Bart: but now my license is expired. Hey Dad, there's an arcade across the street.
Unknown character: All that's left is banana Runts. That's the worst Runt.
Multiple DMV customers: What am I bid for next in line? Five bucks. Ten bones. Half a cheesesteak. I'll perform at your birthday party. Sober. Quarter of a cheesesteak. A nest with a robin's egg. The wrapper of a cheesesteak.
Fat Tony · Auctioneer: FAT TONY: I bid one lollipop. Sold, to the lowest bidder.
Selma · Fat Tony: Hello, 'Selma.' Leaving Mockingbird Lane, Mr. Munster?
Fat Tony · Selma: And if I retrieve that form, will I be able to maintain my advantageous position in line? Try it and see. Nope.
Bart · Lisa: Hey, you licked the back. That was my side. Aw, brother germs! Aw, sister spit!
Bart Lisa Character Comedy Physical/Slapstick Lisa · Bart: Bart, this is a truffle. You're a truffle.
Lisa Bart Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement Bart: Only you can make tree poop boring.
Bart Character Comedy Wordplay/Pun Fat Tony: Come on, numb nose. Sniff me a truffle.
Fat Tony: I don't know why I flew you in from Italy. First class, no less. Plus you forget to get the miles.
Fat Tony Character Comedy Absurdist ★ Rewatch Luigi: You know-a the rule: no truffles for truffle pigs.
Luigi Irony/Sarcasm Character Comedy Luigi: Not one that goes a-tikit-a-tikit-a-tikit-a.
Luigi Physical/Slapstick Character Comedy Selma · Fat Tony: Fine. I choose my love handles. What? Then my arm wattles, my cankles, and finish off with my excess back fat.
Selma: You asked what I wanted cut off, and I want lipo. Lots of lipo. Or are you not a man of your word?
Selma Character Comedy Misdirection Fat Tony: I don't know whether to knock you on your kisser or kiss you on your knockers. I don't know whether to peck you on the kisser, or kiss you on the...
Fat Tony · Louie: Call our doctor friend who owes us a favor. Actually, we owe him a favor. Do him two favors, then remind him that he owes us a favor.
Doctor: so can I take your cousin, the 'anesthesiologist' off the payroll?
Doctor Dark/Subversive Irony/Sarcasm Louie · Fat Tony · Doctor: Should we take care of him, or 'take care of him'? Take care of him. I don't know what that meant. Was it the first one or the second one? I can't ask him, otherwise he's gonna 'take care of me.' Now to take care of you. Take care of me or 'take care of me'?
Selma: The world's a different place when you've got a waist.
Selma Character Comedy Wordplay/Pun Homer: Well, well, well, if it isn't 'before' and 'after.' Blob and Blob Lite. Tweedle Yuck and Tweedle Blecch.
Homer Character Comedy Escalation ★ Rewatch Fat Tony: All will be forgiven. If you sketch a portrait of Patty showing her inner beauty.
Homer: I'm trying. I swear I'm trying. Damn it.
Homer Visual Gag Cringe/Discomfort Callback Fat Tony: The way the sun goes down like a crooked boxer.
Selma: Oh Tony, if there were an Italian word for 'yes,' I'd be saying it right now.
Selma Absurdist Character Comedy Lisa: Brown gold. Tuscan tea.
Lisa Character Comedy Wordplay/Pun Homer: That's a lot of zeros.
Homer Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement Bart: That tick sure done swelled you up, Normalhead Joe.
Bart Character Comedy Absurdist Louie: He did give her the kiss of death, right? No! Oh, I decorated her car for nothing.
Louie Dark/Subversive Misdirection ★ Rewatch Marge · Wedding guest: I'm her sister. And you? I bought her ping-pong table on Craig's List.
Homer: We haven't even gotten our salads yet.
Homer Character Comedy Observational Homer: Lousy St. Louis Cardinals. Can't win the 1985 World Series on Classic Sports.
Homer Character Comedy Absurdist Homer: Fat Tony! Are you going to cut my head off and leave it in a manger scene at Christmas, and then an old Italian nun finds it? And she's all, 'Oh, no, no, no! Oh, no! He's too beautiful to die!'
Homer Escalation Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Homer: Um, I take a special size.
Homer Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement Lisa: Ooh. Commentary by Philip Glass.
Lisa Character Comedy Observational Callback Homer: There's nothing buried here but hopes and dreams.
Homer Character Comedy Observational Lisa: You know what's a bad pizza topping? Broccoli!
Lisa Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Bart: Oh, so that's why they don't give pigs truffles.
Bart Setup/Punchline Callback ★ Rewatch Callback Marge: The only husband of Selma's I liked was Disco Stu. He was so upbeat-- till he found out she didn't care for disco.
Marge Character Comedy Callback Callback Homer · Tushie: Can you read by it? No one's ever tried.
Tushie · Marge: But not to worry-- every light in the house is a tanning light. Can you read by it? No one's ever tried.
Selma · Patty: You married a pig. Well, you married someone whose first name is Fat.
Mob nephews · Homer: Boo-freaking-ya! Losers chug! Well, if you insist.
Selma · Fat Tony: You are such a gentle kisser. You were kind of all over the place.
Unknown · Fat Tony: Wouldn't they be girls? Mine are boys.
Homer · Marge: You know-- it had that painting of that lady and the monster on the ceiling. That was a mirror.
Homer Marge Character Comedy Setup/Punchline ★ Rewatch Louie: Why go out for a hamburger when you got rancid steak at home?
Louie Character Comedy Observational Marge: Sorry, The Occurrence, but to use your lingo, Homer and I have to be 'that guy.'
Marge Character Comedy Meta/Self-Referential Fat Tony: Mother Mary herself couldn't make a noodle big enough to float this one.
Selma · Anna · Marge: That's a goomar ring. This is a wife ring. That's a wife ring?
Fat Tony: If you spoke Italian, which I knew you did not, you would have known that those were goomar-goombah vows.
Selma · Mob guys: Marge, if I ever tell you I want to get married again, I want you to stick your thumbs into my eyes. Yeah, we can show you how to do it. The trick is, you don't stop till you hear a pop.
Anna · Selma: You missed my first open house as a licensed real estate broker for this brutta puttana? I've hit on enough pizza boys to know what that means.
Selma: I've hit on enough pizza boys to know what that means.
Selma Character Comedy Cringe/Discomfort Homer: In a good marriage, you never say, 'I told you so.' Which is lucky for me, because you're always right.
Homer Character Comedy Setup/Punchline Homer: In a good marriage, you never say, 'I told you so.' Which is lucky for me, because you're always right.
Homer Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Top Episodes — The Simpsons
