Springfield is inundated with holiday revelers after the nuclear power plant springs a radiation leak, causing snow to fall all over town. When the tourists drive up Christmas shopping prices, Marge opens up the Simpsons' house to boarders.
WAR
30.9
Wins Above Replacement
“White Christmas Blues” ranks #471 of 552 The Simpsons episodes on the Humor Index, scoring 73.1 — Solid. The episode packs 51 scored jokes at 3.1 per minute, averaging 6.8 on craft and 6.4 on impact, with Homer landing the most laughs. Every joke is ranked below with its individual craft and impact scores.
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Top Jokes
Homer: Oh, good. Marge remarried after I died. Wait a minute. I'm not dead. What's going on?!
Homer Absurdist Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Bart: Did you give it to me because you thought I'd like it or because you wanted to feel better about yourself?
Bart Character Comedy Observational ★ Rewatch Homer: Radishes?! It's the most hated part of salad, which is the most hated part of dinner. Radishes, nothing but radishes.
Homer Escalation Character Comedy Marge: Well, there's a rec room off the kitchen, but sometimes it's there and sometimes it isn't. Our house is very odd that way.
Marge Absurdist Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Mayor Quimby: Stay in our hotels! Slurp our spaghetti. Die in our hospitals.
All Jokes — 51 analyzed
Show all ↓ Hide ↑ Homer: Oh, my God! I never watched one of these sober! I gotta get this bloodbath off my kids' show!
Homer Irony/Sarcasm Observational ★ Rewatch Marge · Homer: Bart, don't use language like that. / Man, things sure have turned to crap.
Homer: Marge, to that I say, boo, humbug.
Homer Wordplay/Pun Character Comedy ★ Rewatch News Anchor: where the Eskimos now have a hundred words for 'nothing.'
News Anchor: By pure coincidence, every scientist was right.
Homer: Oh, you know what this means, kids? I don't have to pick up the dog poops!
Homer Character Comedy Absurdist Professor Frink: radioactive steam from the nuclear plant and, of course, tire fire particulate
Crowd · Citizen: Idiots? Why do we reelect this guy? / 'Cause his opponent has a long Slavic name.
Mayor Quimby: Stay in our hotels! Slurp our spaghetti. Die in our hospitals.
Mayor Quimby: then gouge the hell out of 'em! Who? Who will gouge with me?
Bart · Robot vendor · Bart: Why would a robot need mittens? / Why would a little boy need an aspirin? / I don't know.
Chief Wiggum: God, I bent down to pick up a piece of candy and rolled down a hill. You always think it's the other guy that'll turn into a giant snowball. Never you.
Homer: 'First in Freeways,' 'The Yuh-Huh State,' 'Jewel of the Fracking Belt'? 'Still a British Colony at Heart,' 'Land of Many Water Snakes'?
Homer Observational Absurdist ★ Rewatch Apu: People, I'm completely out of milk! I do have several DVDs of the movie Milk, an inspiring return to form for director Gus Van Sant.
Apu Wordplay/Pun Absurdist ★ Rewatch Customer · Apu · Apu: Uh, do you have Life of Pi? / No, but I have some home movies of me on a canoe with a big dog. / People who have never seen a movie say it is a good movie.
Homer: And when you can't afford Christmas, you've failed as a family. That's what all the big stores say.
Homer Observational Dark/Subversive Marge: Well, there's a rec room off the kitchen, but sometimes it's there and sometimes it isn't. Our house is very odd that way.
Marge Absurdist Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Tourist wife: Passive-aggressive.
Homer: Oh, good. Marge remarried after I died. Wait a minute. I'm not dead. What's going on?!
Homer Absurdist Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Homer: Oh, I don't know. It won't seem like Christmas without opening up a giant credit card bill in January.
Homer Observational Irony/Sarcasm Marge · Homer: W.W.B.J.D.? / What would Baby Jesus do?
Marge · Homer · Marge · Homer: Well, this crazy scheme is the kind of impulsive behavior I want to encourage in you. / Mmm... I'm in! 100%! / Now, Homie, table three needs more bread. / I'm on a break.
Bart · Parent · Bart: Welcome to our day care center. All girls, please move to cootie quarantine. / We've got a two-month-old. Are you sure you can handle her? / Just don't lose this claim ticket.
Tourists: That church doesn't look very inspiring. What a bland marquee. It doesn't look very inviting.
Reverend Lovejoy: Lord, I'm just a small-town minister. We don't have Mormon money.
Reverend Lovejoy: Oh, this is black-church good.
Homer: Ooh, I didn't know there were doves in there.
Homer Visual Gag Reaction Beat Congregation member: When he starts with 'my friends,' it's always bad.
Homer: Christmas didn't get to be the number one holiday by being about love.
Homer Observational Dark/Subversive ★ Rewatch Homer · Homer: Um, when a woman talks, she just wants to be heard. / Where's the end?
Marge · Homer · Marge: Well, they don't grow on trees. / Uh, yeah, they do. / Oh.
Customer · Homer: Where do the people sit? / I thought they were just gonna watch me.
Homer: The secret is: Don't read the comment cards.
Homer Observational Character Comedy TV Show Character: By the time Princess Summer comes to save you, you'll all be blood in my beard. Ho, ho, ho, ho. Your own father's beard.
Ned Flanders: Well, I'm down to a kiosk, thanks to that place. Actually, half a kiosk. Sharing it with Nasreen here.
Nasreen · Nasreen: No cream is finer than mall kiosk cream. J.Lo use it. / It is no wonder you are not married.
Homer: Christmas carols only have one verse. Well, they may have more, but the second verse is where they get all weird and religiousy.
Homer Observational Irony/Sarcasm Homer: Christmas carols only have one verse. Well, they may have more, but the second verse is where they get all weird and religiousy.
Homer Observational Irony/Sarcasm Homer: For your information, Gloria, my wassail is just Gatorade I put in the microwave.
Homer Character Comedy Cringe/Discomfort Homer · Guest: It's not mistletoe, just cherries and lettuce. Oh! I thought when I ate it, it wasn't poisonous.
Homer: It's not mistletoe, just cherries and lettuce.
Homer Visual Gag Absurdist ★ Rewatch Lisa: I know this Christmas has been a little rocky, even for the Simpsons, but I think these gifts born of thought and love will restore the balance of prajna and samsara. I mean holly and jolly.
Lisa Character Comedy Wordplay/Pun ★ Rewatch Callback Homer: Radishes?! It's the most hated part of salad, which is the most hated part of dinner. Radishes, nothing but radishes.
Homer Escalation Character Comedy Homer: I'm saving them from the struggle of life.
Homer Dark/Subversive Misdirection Bart · Lisa · Bart: What? Lis, you're smart. Why would you give me a book? / 'Cause it's easy to wrap? / Nothing is easy to wrap. I have trouble with scissors.
Guest · Guest · Guest: Marge, the brochure promised us a happy Christmas. / My uncle died in your bed. / Merry Christmas.
Bart Running Gag Character Comedy Bart: Did you give it to me because you thought I'd like it or because you wanted to feel better about yourself?
Bart Character Comedy Observational ★ Rewatch Bart: If you smell your farts in a dream, you die?
Bart Absurdist Misdirection Bart · Lisa · Bart: But how'd you afford it? / I sold the gift you gave me. / Get the twist? Obviously.
Homer · Carolers · Homer: No second verses. They creep me out. / Okay, we'll sing a different one. / Oh, that one creeps me out from the beginning.
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